Is he using me for sex or am I just becoming too attached?

I recently met a guy and we would talk every day through out the day. But after we had sex I noticed that I hear from him less. I asked him was everything ok one day and he said that he was sorry that he hasn't been talking much, he said he had a lot on his mind and had been busy but he still had me on his mind. I really like him a lot and I want more with him. I would like a relationship with him. He told me that he wants something real and he's interested but I don't know I just feel paranoid that he could possibly be using me for sex. I look at people's actions and as soon as they start acting a little different I start to become paranoid. Is he using me for sex? What should I do?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Many times with Today's toms I have found them to be sporadic, unpredictable And whenever scared or feel cornered----Hurry Quickly back into the murky waters from which they come from, sometimes disappearing altogether or 'Acting a little different' After the fact. This bird is no exception to my golden goose rule, sweetie.
    Everything was hunky Dorey until you both went in between the sheets and now he is feeling unsure of everything, a bit nervous and jerky that you 'Want more' In this Relationship and he doesn't know how to handle it nor most likely tell you. He is most likely 'Wants something real,' however, his Only 'Interests' are Not getting hooked at the hip at this time. This is why the Closed caption lame duck excuses with you. I see Raised red flag signs that he is Not Into what you want which is-----Would like a relationship with him. And whether you have or have not told him This, doesn't take a rocket scientist in his book to See his own 'Signs' what you want.
    Don't contact him anymore until you have heard from him. And if he wants to get together then you need to tell him face to face that you both may have gotten off on the wrong foot here, that things may have been going too fast, and you would like a chance to start over, go slower, and at this time right now, it's best to not be bedfellows.
    Of course if you never hear hide nor have of him, this will be a lesson in love to have learned about keeping a guy Interested Longer by 'Talking every day' and when 'Talking' Together Up front and more personal, keeping it lite and semi sweet until Knowing him longer and much better.
    Good luck. xx

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    • Thank you for your advice. I agree with everything that you said. I heard from him yesterday. I told him how I felt about everything. He replied and basically told me that he wasn't trying to come off that way he was just going through a lot right now. He said he does like me and he promises that we'll spend more time together and talk more and we won't just have sex. He told me that he wasn't trying to use me and doesn't want to hurt me. He also said just don't rush things, he likes to take his time. We sent a few more texts to each other and I said goodnight in a very sweet manner. Everything he said was fine and nice but in the back of my head I still wonder if it's true or not. Words are just words with out actions. I guess time will tell. I just know I'm not sending anymore messages to him until he reaches out first. The ball is in his court now.

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    • Thank you =) I'm about to dye my hair purple lol I hope you have a great weekend as well.

    • Oh, wow... someone is feeling Purpley poo... lol... Enjoy your weekend, hope everything comes out in the wash and maybe too Paint the town red... Thank you, I will... xxx

What Guys Said 5

  • He probably is using you for sex.

    He said he wanted something serious with you, that he was missing you, that you were always on his mind, and blah blah blah, but YOU MET HIM RECENTLY. I mean really, which is more probable? Love at first sight, or typical male? In all probability, he's a typical male telling a woman whatever the hell it is she wants to hear so that he can maintain a steady supply of sex.

    By letting him have sex with you, your brain released hormones that produced an artificial emotional bond with him, hence the reason you feel attached. By fucking him so soon, you fucked yourself. You shouldn't have sex with any man until you know for a fact what his intention is a serious relationship. (I don't mean after he has merely claimed to have those intentions, but when he has proved it through actions.)

    Giving it up before then will just get you in predicaments like these. By putting yourself in this predicament, you were disrespecting yourself. That makes it all the easier for other people to disrespect you too.

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    • I did like him before I had sex with him. But you have a point. It sucks because I do actually like him but idk, I guess he's trying to do other stuff.

  • He isn't using you for sex. You essentially gave him the payment before he committed himself to you. It doesn't work that way. For a man, when we get sex, there's not really any place left for us to go with you.

    The exception to that, is when we have spent our time getting to know you, getting to love you. Not hours, days, or weeks, but months. Yes... in celibacy. (without sex)

    THEN Sex becomes a beautiful, wonderful reward, the crowning achievement of many hours spent growing close to you. I am talking about during the honeymoon.

    I can see how so many marriages do not last, if people manage to make it to marriage when they have had sex before. The honeymoon is just another day. It's not special... it is not the beautiful cement that solidifies wedding vows.

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  • Its natural for you to be paranoid. If he suddenly changes after having sex, it could either mean he was using you for sex or he didn't feel satisfied with the sex. Whatever me be the case, just make sure you DON'T agree for sex again until he has made his intentions clear, and you're convinced.

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    • That sucks... my feelings actually are hurt from the situation because I feel ignored. But thank you for the insight. I think it's best if I don't have sex again as well.

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    • You're most welocme! Glad to have been of help!

      Well... true love does exist, but not everyone can find it unless both partners put in a lot of efforts. Besides, when you see people around you changing partners as frequently as changing clothes, divorcing left and right etc., it does make you wonder if 'true love' has actually faded into oblivion and is just an illusion now.

      Finding true love is not easy by any means, but its not impossible either (provided you have patience and are willing to put in the efforts).

      By the way, feel free to message me if you ever feel like asking something or just talk to someone. I'm known to be a good problem solver and morale-booster, so I can try to make you feel better whenever you're down.

      Now cheer up! And if you ever come across this guy again and he wants sex, just stick up your middle finger in his face and tell him "I'm done with you. I need love and not just sex, so you'd better fuck yourself if you need sex". Hehe! :P

    • Thank you for your kindness. =) I appreciate it. And maybe that's something I should say to him if he brings up sex.

  • what I do is being on the same level as the person I talk to.
    no interest - no interest back
    being sweet - being sweet back (if attracted to)
    and so on. if he is not interested in seeing you you should start backing of a bit and see if he thinks about it on his side, you've already put your effort in.

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    • That's true. I agree. I think I should back off and I have put in my effort. The situation just sucks =/

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    • That's true. I texted him in detail everything that I felt and thought but I don't know if he will respond. I was very blunt. I think my messages were too long. I have to stop doing that. I just had a lot to say. But that would be funny if he texts me a long while after the silent treatment like nothing happened.

    • so, I think from now on you got your mind opened enough, now it's up to you captain

  • It doesn't look like he is. But if this starts to become a pattern with him, you should cut and run

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    • I don't know what to really think. Hopefully he isnt. But if he is then it's his lost. I guess only time will tell what his intentions are.

What Girls Said 5

  • If he's not willing to take you out on an actual date, explore you mentally, and give you time that doesn't involve his d*ck, then he's most likely using you for sex.

    What should you do? You should probably pick up whatever is left of your pride and move on until he makes some effort and if he never does then that gives you your answer. Hon, this is why it's best to not have sex with a guy who's not your boyfriend so you can avoid feeling used when you wanted to experience so much more than just his genital but that's all he's willing to give : /

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    • =( yea, I think what you're saying is true. .. it just hurts a lot because I actually like him. And now I wonder if he was lying, telling me that he wants something real.

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    • Thats Very true. I don't know why but my feelings are really hurt from this. Maybe it's because I was intimate with him and actually liked him.

    • *sighs* : / awwwh, I know that must hurt. Chances are you were interested in something greater than sex. Sure, sex can be great, but a certain measure of loyaltly, lovingness, and unlimited bliss from a man are much greater. They surpass simple sexual pleasure. I think you may be feeling relaly hurt becuase now you feel like you've done yourself a diservice by sleeping with him and subrtacting that chance from your future? Possibly that's how you feel subconciously but you haven't put those words together? Well, if so just know that it's real easy for someone to be desirable and seemingly perfect when they're not around to disappoint you. It may not have worked out anyway and if it was truly meant to be, that wouldn't have stopped him. Chin up! Learn from a mistake and it becomes golden!

  • you're becoming attached to a guy whos using you for sex

    disengage

    delete and block his number and move on.

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  • I feel he is being honest there. A relationship is a lot of emotional investment and time consuming and juggle it with work or studies.

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    • So you think he was trying to tell me that he only wants see right now, not a relationship?

    • Sex*

  • Doesn't really matter what he said, what matters are his actions. Sending a text doesn't require much time, so just take a step back, regroup.

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    • I agree. Actions are what matter. I definitely will take a step back. I don't want to be clingy or chase any man.

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    • Yes, this is the way too look at it

    • *to. you deserve the best.

  • Only time can tell. Next time you see him, don't have sex with him and see how he acts

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    • What should I do in the meantime? Should I just fall back? I told him what I noticed but he hasn't responded yet. =/

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    • No worries beautiful. Just try not to worry about it too much. Keep yourself busy!

    • I heard back from him, he finally replied. Smh.

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