He said he's not in love with me... How long does it take?

My bf of 4 months and I were joking around and he said "I love you, but Im going to throw you over the balcony." I know its too early to say I love you, that was the first he said it. i got all excited and he said he didn't mean it that way. He likes me A LOT but not love, that takes time. He will tell me when he loves me.

It was good to clarify that bc I've been under the impression he loved me but was too shy to say it. Once whem I asked him if he felt anything emotionally during sex he said no, but later admitted it makes him feel safe and secure with me. I know he's a thinket and not one to express much emotion so thought this was that too.

Also, he's been much more into me and our rs lately. He introduced me to all his friends and siblings, he met my parents, he helped me move homes, find a new job, buys me surprise gifts all the time, called me pretty after 4 months of dating before it was always cute! He even told me im unique and there is no one else like me. He constantly wants to hang out, and I've spent all weeknights at his place last week. When he went out of town he said it may sound lame and girlish but he was going to miss me and would call. He even left me a shirt of his while he left bc I love his scent! Are these things a man would do if he is NOT in love? All my friends get guys that fall in love with them after 3 months, but. it seems hr may take awhile. What gives?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Since you mentioned that he is a "thinker" I believe he is really contemplating a long/life future and just needs to reinforce the idea himself. As a reserved guy who thinks more than I speak (and I talk a lot), I can see that he is pretty serious and may even be weighing out potential concerns down the line or maybe think about things he doesn't like that you may do but likes you so much he tries to reason things out in his thoughts. Do you two talk about your dislikes or pet peeves of each other?

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    • Yes we have. He says he knows no one is perfect, but sometimes it feels like he wants me to be. He agreed he can be a jerk sometimes. He doesn't like tht im sometimes passive aggressive, haven't been staying in top shape, and sometimes have bouts of laziness. I snore n am always late. He uses a lot of patience w me. The exercise and passive agressiveness im working on. I've complained he is bossy, controlling sometimes, and treats me like a kid since im the emotional disorganized one. He likes to lead as the rational organized one. I prefer it, but sometimes he goes overboard or doesn't take into accout my thoughts n feelings, also he isn't always as forthcoming w affection as id like when others are around. He gets shy, but he makes up for it when alone and is very attentive.

    • Hmm, sounds like a guy I relate to. Maybe just being more direct with him may help and more events together may reinforce his feeling for you as love than affection. Did he have any family issues or are his parents open with their affection? Parents are a good sign of how someone is influenced. Not really a foreshadow of what they'll be like but where they come from, if you understand what I'm trying to get at, heheh

    • Well according to him his parents are still together and very much in love. They are Catholic, so conservativr and im not sure how much physical affection they would show in front of their kids. I should ask him how open his fam is with affection. I've met his siblings and they are very close, but he gets weird with " I love yous"

What Guys Said 2

  • 4-6 months, I said it first, she said it about 3 weeks later.

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  • In my first relationship after about 4 months of being a couple, but almost a year of heavy flirting and CONSTANTLY chatting on the phone and interwebs.

    In my current one far far too quickly, but we do mesh creepily well (a few weeks).

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What Girls Said 3

  • I am surprised at the lack of 'I love you' that are going around. I have always let the guy say it first. But all have said it within the first month. Twice I got a marriage proposal within 3 months ( from two different guys). I didn't accept either one, as it was way to soon.

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  • I've never said it.

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  • online it was after a week
    in person about 2 months

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