If you found out that your friend's BF was cheating on her, would you tell her?

I was out the other night and saw my best friends husband at a bar with another woman. They were sitting in a corner making out! He didn't see me. I've always suspected he was cheating but now it's confirmed. Should I tell my friend? Or maybe just drop hints? They have 2 small kids, fyi..


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Most Helpful Guy

  • This is very difficult because couples almost always shoot the messenger. You could say 'I know this is not going to make me popular, but I saw your husband in the pub the other night and he was not alone or being discreet. Don't take sides or criticize the husband. Just say what you saw. Not one word of judgement.
    That should be enough. Then make yourself scarce.
    The worst thing would be to tell someone else and start rumor because that undermines everybody and if they want to try and fix it, after rumors it is almost impossible. So you only tell the wife, nobody else. Then say no more and step away.

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What Guys Said 11

  • I would say yes, because of the kids... simply because it's better that they have one ethically capable parent than one immoral parent that is only physically there, but otherwise vacant. That said, you're pretty much stepping into a cluster f*ck. No way of beating around the bush on that one. You'll be damned if you tell her, because you ruined her relationship, and he'll be upset with you saying you're a b*tch - all the while convincing your friend that he can change and it was a one time thing where alcohol was involved where you come out looking worse on both fronts. You'll be damned if you don't because if she finds out about it and more importantly finds out that YOU knew about it, then you're pretty much going to lose her trust all together.

    As @Illusive_Man said, love is one of the things that makes people retarded. And what you've going on here is plenty of misplaced "love" causing otherwise capable adults - at a far lower mental capacity.

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  • Did you capture any evidence? pic, vid or both? I would like to think that if my friend came to me with such a claim he/she would have some kind of proof to make it a valid point. I trust my friends a great deal but if it's just his/her word against my wifes/gfs then I would think my friend would be smart enough to have a valid source to fall back on.

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  • Three things in life makes people retarded.

    Disease.
    Drugs.
    Love.

    Ain't gonna listen anyway.

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  • Do you really want to get in the middle of that?
    Are you positive they don't have an open relationship?
    Ask her to go get tested with you. That may be indirect help for her, so she definitely knows when she was last clean, in case something comes up in a divorce proceeding.

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    • Also, I agree with @syd48

      "This is very difficult because couples almost always shoot the messenger."

      As well as the fact that the husband will lie about it, and the wife may be forced to choose who to believe, and it's easier to believe that you're lying than to break up the family. Which may dump your relationship with her until she finds out the truth (or never, if the husband realizes what he's going to lose, and cleans his shit up).

      Evidence helps, if you're really interested in dishing the dirt on the husband.

      But, consider what you're doing to the kids, too.

      Many marriages work even though one spouse has cheated, is cheating, or will cheat - as long as the other spouse is in the dark.

      Also, don't feed the rumor mill.

  • i would stay out of it, personally. I might urge him to confess or volunteer to convey the information, but I wouldn't act on my own.

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  • I'd certainly tell a friend about that.
    I was always disappointed in some friends who didn't tell me about the wife cheating, when they knew years earlier than I did.

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  • Normally I'd get him to confess and make a decision. If that didn't work and of every other way was tried then I'd just tell her.

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  • Yes, she is being betrayed and deserve to know the truth, so she can make an informed decision.

    PS: Gia Carangi was a pretty girls, I didn't know anybody still remember her :)

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  • I probably would. I don't want to be in the middle of it, but I also wouldn't be able to keep that to myself while I know my friend is being cheated on.

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  • Maybe tell him that you saw him making out with another.

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  • yessss if i hated the guy

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What Girls Said 5

  • sure I would tell her as I care about her and I care about her being with sb who deserves her... this jerk doesn't deserve for u to cover him up... he should know that there is consequences for what he does. . u don't want that for ur best frd... besides if she found out that u knew about it she won't trust you and won't be ur frd anymore. .. best of luck

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  • If you are her friend as you say then you will tell her. She has to know. If I found out that my friend knows my husband is cheating on me and she keept quite about it then I wouldn't be friends with her anymore.

    Don't listen to the idiots telling you not to.

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  • That sounds like it would be really hard to do... but I think you should tell her. It could be a really dramatic thing to get involved with though, especially with two kids. On the flipside, could you talk to her everyday and feel OK, even though you knew her partner cheated? I wouldn't, which is why I would say something, but you know your friend and the situation, so i'll just say to be careful!

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  • Tell her if she finds out you knew and you didn't tell her she will get upset with you no one deserves to get cheated on that guy is a real douche bag I would tell her

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  • Don't tell her.. all men cheat. lol

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    • All men do not cheat. But an awful lot of women do.

    • Hey I like older men so I'll agree with you

    • I agree - I know lots of faithful men who have been cheated on and were devastated...

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