How do you stay friends after turning a guy down?

I recently turned a new friend of mine down (see my previous question for details).

The only problem now is, how do I avoid awkwardness in our mutual friend group, and how can we stay friends? I go to a small university, so simply avoiding him is out of the question and would mean that I couldn't hang out with our mutual friends. Any advice?

(FYI, everyone in our friend groups knows about the situation.)

Updates:
I get why a lot of the men on here are defensive; but you've got to understand, I wasn't refusing him because I have high standards or he "wasn't good enough for me". There is pretty much zero chemistry between us.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • If he's a new friend and asked you out, he was never your friend. He was just interested. When you hang out in groups, don't ignore him but focus on your actual friends. The awkward feelings die down after awhile. Once his pride is recovered he will bounce back

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    • Basically, don't try to be buddy buddy with him. He was upfront about how he felt. It'd be a slap in the face to act like best friends unless he's wanting to be friends.

What Guys Said 10

  • Forgive me Mrs Darcy but I think the reason he's friends with you because he was attracted to you in the first place.. Which means he probably isn't interested in being merely platonic with you. At times awkwardness is unavoidable.

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  • stay away from the poor bastard. he is at the losing end and you're trying to "stay friends". meaning he still loses but you are gaining (because you want to kill the awkwardness). you might not realize it but it is a selfish act acting on your own interests. how do you think the poor bastard feels?

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    • @ZackRaines Really? It's selfish of me for wanting to preserve a friendship that he chose to ruin by asking me out?

    • @Asker: yes it is selfish.
      You get the benefits of "friendship" and he is MISERABLE because he wants love.
      Woman-up and let him go !

  • I think it depends on the guy. If he has a lot of confidence then he will be fine and probably ask you out again later. If he doesnt, then he might not be able to get over it.. However, it was made worse when you 'accidentally' said yes then rejected him because you had to be more clear about it than just making an excuse like "im busy" and letting him take a hint. Just be nice, and give him value as a friend instead of a love interest. Dont feel bad about it because then he will feel bad.

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  • Maybe by stimulating his brain to keep his attention where it belongs ' and if you need the group to keep him as a friend then he isn't your friend

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  • That's real tough you have hurt his feelings and now he is so humiliated

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    • Never mind. I just now saw your other thread. WHat is a mixed Gender friend anyway?

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    • Ok... I hate those group things and if a friend wants to ever set you up with another one of his friends in the group Its like he's always the policeman always checking in on everything. And one time I had asked him after we were at his house and hanging out lets go out and do something he said no because It would not be fir to the group and I was like you have got to be kidding me. That all changed as soon as I met my girlfriend out of the group he started hanging out with us and doing things on my terms

    • Typo fair to the group

  • You can't.
    Your relation is over. He wants a girlfriends, you just want a friend.

    You get all the benefits from "just friends" and he is miserable because he wants more.

    Just let him go and find other friends.

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  • You don't... unless the guy survives it.

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  • man that is a really tricky situation but just talk to him but try not to make him think that you like him more than a friend

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  • Simply continue on as usual to avoid giving him the impression the rejection was personal. Meaning do not avoid him and, or act uncomfortable or awkward around him. For doing so will likely add insult to injury. Also, and equally important, do not treat him any less than anyone else.

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  • Why did you turn him down?

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    • I'm not attracted to him at all.

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    • *anyone who would answer "yes" is lying.

    • You chose best answer, I don't have to answer you

What Girls Said 1

  • actually it happend to me with my friend. we started talking a lot and texting and then he asked me on a date and it was fun but i wasn't attracted to him... so i refused his kiss and told him i didn't like him in a romantically way and we didn't talk for a while but now it's all okay! i think time is the answear... you should give him some space and if you're good friends you will find a way to become friends again

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    • ^this.
      Just needs time for the feelings to cool down and recover some pride.

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