Ladies, why do we always go for the bad boy and not this "nice guy"? Let's help our fellow men out with understanding?

So many men have been wondering why we don't just go for the "nice guy" and always end up liking the bad boy. What are our reasons? Let's help our fellow men out with understanding.

By the way, I realise some women DO like the typical nice guy. This discussion here is to address the bad boy vs. nice boy debate and to let men peek into our confusing minds.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • It's simple.

    You go for confidence - usually the 'bad-boys' are confident.

    You go for a guy you consider "better" than you in some way.

    You go for protection. "bad boys" are usually more than willing to use their physical strength to 'protect' you (see also "better than you")

    You like the chase. You don't like a "nice guy" who is always available to you.

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What Guys Said 25

  • Honestly & simply, the reason more "bad boys" that "nice guys" get women is that the bad boys ASK!

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  • "Nice guys" are just another dumb label insecure men give themselves like an "alpha male" or "friendzoned".

    Guess what? Most of those "nice guys" are actually narcisstic assholes, too. They THINK they're gentleman when in reality they see others that aren't as "nice" or "good" as them as subordinate. They also will usually expect women to like them ONLY based on the fact they're "nice".

    Actually, I HATE the word "nice". It's an empty word. At everyone's funeral, you always hear about how "nice" the deceased person was. When kids start fighting we tell them to "ACT nice". When two politicians who really hate each other shake hands after a debate it's a "nice" gesture. "Nice" means nothing. It's an act. You could be a total dick and be judgmental towards everyone but could still be known as "nice" as long as you PRETENDED to be. Now, "kindness" and "benevolence" are differet, those are ACTUAL character traits. The difference between a "nice" guy and a "kind" guy is that the "kind" guy won't act like an asshole once he gets what he wants.

    KINDNESS is something all women look for in a guy. What woman honestly wants a dude he sees her as beneath himself? None, but the thing the "nice" guys need to understand is women look for more than just that in a guy. Women really just want a guy with value. What makes a guy valuable? Well, all sorts of things. Financial security, responsibility, rationality, maturity, intelligence, ambition, strength, health, accomplished, handsom, and even kindness are just a few big ones. However, you can't just have only one decent quality and crap everywhere else. Everything needs to at least be "okay" or "average", with one or two particular areas where he excels at. Would you want a girl that was pretty but couldn't pay her own rent, was dumb, didn't graduate high school, and put bad stuff in her body? Of course you wouldn't. Women are the same way. They don't need perfection, but they do need something worthwhile.

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    • Lol you should get this answer published somewhere

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    • Is there a way you can tell when a guy or girl dislikes it? I don'understand why there are 2 sections to a "like" and two sections to a "dislike" how does that work? Like this has 2/5 and 2/0 What does that mean?

    • Wow you seem so passionate, I think you are so right about the whole "nice" thing xxx

  • There's a misconception about what the "nice guy" is. What you're really asking is why do women go for guys who aren't doormats, capable of being dominant/assertive, and are able to physically escalate vs. guys who are doormats/lack confidence, don't know who to maintain boundaries, and are comfortable escalating with women.

    Posted this video before, but it's adequate here:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5rZu-tBi7DM

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    • Oh my GODDDD that was BRILLIANT! I agree 100%! Can you link me to this properly so I can share this on fb? (thanks for inserting the actual vid though. If it was just some link I wouldn't have watched it. The fact that the video was already available is what made me watch it). This is seriously legit material.

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    • Can we just mail this... to the world...

    • I recon :P Let's mail it out!

  • Because they like it rough in the sack, and like seeing a guy who is sexually aggressive and who can make her think about sex early in the relationship as opposed to.. "oh, I guess it's that time in the relationship, where I'm supposed to take off my clothes and let you insert your penis inside me while pretending to enjoy it, oh yes, oh wow, rock my world baby, are you done yet? Oh yeah, that was amazing. I'm so glad we waited for 3 months, it was totally worth it, very special (rolls eyes)."

    and because they're not confident and a bit shy themselves, so they like to have a guy who feels comfortable and natural taking the lead as opposed to her having to think and decide mutually on stuff in the relationship.

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    • Another true answer :) I like how you describe sex. I think I would feel that way around a safe guy.

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    • EEEEEEEEEEk but what if that only makes him excited? :O!

    • hahaha.. well, that's when you know you gotta bail

  • Nice guys typically lack confidence and are way too dependent on being temporarily nice to get them laid. Many of them are hypocrites at heart who think that by putting nice coins in the female slot machine, sex will fall out. Bad guys or I'm going to say outgoing guys instead lol. I doubt most females are going after serial criminals lol. The outgoings guys have much more confidence and don't fear rejection. It's also important to note that attraction plays a role here. Many outgoing guys are typically attractive to females while nice guys are mostly average. I didn't get hit on by certain girls until I dropped some weight, so attraction plays a certain role here. Overall outgoing guys typically have confidence, above average looks and don't fear rejection while nice guys usually lack those 3 features and make up for it by being overly nice.

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    • Awesome logic! =D I defs agree.
      It's amazing how there are more answers from guys here than girls. But you and guys who've said similar things to you are right. Couldn't have said it better myself =3

  • Hey, this is just like I said on your other question. Girls want the "bad boy" that can be good just for them. :)

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    • Yes indeed :D

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    • Ya, but you have to understand that at least 60% of the people on this site are butthurt about something. So it's to be expected.

    • Hahahahaha xD Good point. Well said!

  • "Nice guy" is generally used as a substitute for a series of unattractive qualities in a man. I think the best explanation is this: www.nicknotas.com/.../ (It's based on another list but I think this one is better)

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  • Because "bad" is taken as "tough". If he does not care about what people think about him, he will always take a stand to protect me. THAT is the female logic.

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    • It often is yeah. Do I sense a bit of skepticism in your cybervoice?

    • Naaa... Just thinking about days in college; how we used to wonder and get ticked at certain couples.

  • Alright ladies who are you going to pick?
    Guy 1 ) He is acting very nice to you. Knows exactly what to say to make you comfortable and would love to take you out.
    Guy 2 ) Minds his own buisiness but occationally checks you out but leaves it at that.

    In this scenario guy 1 is a big player who has his act together. Guy 2 is genuinely nice and makes good company but since he only ever approaches if he is confident enough and when he has the impression the girl is his type he doesn't know how to approach her this time around.

    Nice guys have a much harder time because of a number of reasons, they may not want to play a game or actively out there because they want a girl who falls for who they are. They only approach girls they think are great rather then practise on many girls just to get laid.

    Everything together makes it that the genuine nice guys get unnoticed easily while the outgoing jerk who knows how to act nice draws all the attention to themselves.

    So ladies? Why not beat the game and approach that cute shy guy in the corner rather then the nice jerk up front? Its those guys who are the real gold.

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  • Let's be honest, girls would go for nice guys if those nice guys had any balls.
    The problem I think is with nice guys is that they reaaally tend to be push overs. No girl wants another pussy.
    I think the key is to be kind to everyone, while commanding respect. Sort of an alpha mentality.

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    • Oh yeah, you're absolutely right! Being nice is great, so long as that's not your entire basis of being and sexuality, LOL. Guys who can command respect and have alpha mentality are so hot.

  • One thing that no one mentioned is the fact that girls will want a guy who can make moves on them. As opposed to the nice guy who they cannot rely on to do so.

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    • Girls like a challenge, not a guy who puts them on the pedestal and offers themselves to her easily. Now here is the real question, would a woman reject a hot guy if he put her on the pedestal?

      Imagine if a hot guy was like, "Oh wow you are so beautiful, you're really interesting, you're an amazing person!" What do you think if you found the guy hot?

    • Wow, insightful answer Gold Cobra :)

  • Wow usually guys ask this question including me every time I have asked this I always get mixed responses I just gave up on asking this type of questions cause its really hard to get a straight answer or an answer that isn't mixed. Usually women will say something about how they used to be attracted to guys like that in high school, but not anymore, or not every girl is attracted to those types of guys so shut up and stop saying we are, or how they think that a bad boy is more likely to protect her so that is why they choose them over the nice guy. I finally concluded that its mostly about looks and not personality lets face it good looking people male or female have an advantage everywhere in life and in everything

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  • I'm a nice guy and I have no problem with women. What makes me a bit different I guess is I can play all the roles most of the time I'm a gentleman I dress and act accordingly. Violence is alwas a last resort for me but when pushed to employ it I will beat aomeone to the point were they can not fight back. Confidence and Dominance are also no problem but there is a time and place for everything. It was one of my martial arts teachers who said this

    I am like a raging storm in the middle of an ocean I'm there but no one sees me, I am strong and when I hit I'm like an eruption.

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  • I don't like this label. I'm a good/bad guy depending on the situation

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    • And I guess depending on the definition too. Having read some answers on here, apparently everyone defines shit differently.

  • Frankly, I don't give a shit what their reasons are. The girls who go for "bad boys" are imbeciles.

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    • And why is that? :)

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    • Interesting. Yeah okay.
      You realise that MEN too come in many different types? So meanwhile there are many other men like YOU, not all are. And that doesn't necessarily make them abusive dicks. Somebody on this question said we focus too much on "good guy" vs. "bad guy" instead of realising the inbetweens and what not. I know quite a few dominant in sex men who are respectful and kind to their women by day.
      Why do some women have a fucked, perverted fantasy? Mmmm, I don't think anybody REALLY wants to get raped. I think there's a difference when YOUR man, the man you love, gets to have his way with you. It's just PASSION. For some of us, this "mutual sex" is boring and puts us to sleep. Again, not everybody has the same preferences. It doesn't mean they're scum/evil/trash/unworthy. Whether you're a male or female. So I think whilst your concern is legit, it lacks a bit of understanding.

    • What that means is, you seem to be focusing in too much on the TWO types "bad guys" and "nice guys". And at the same time "Dumb, weird women" and "rare, cool women". I think it's a bit misdirected as there is more to a rainbow than two colours. I think you should try to understand that some women's desires are different (not unlike some men wanting to be submitted in bed, which is weird for me, but I ACCEPT that this desire is important for some). And some people's personalities are different too.

  • lol sorry sweetheart, we don't give a shit what you look for, we get banged anyway.

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    • Well "you" can keep browsing down the questions then. Your comment is pointless. If you don't give a fuck, why did you have the need to comment?

    • oh i give plenty of fucks, just not for you.

    • I don't need you to give me fucks. I already have fucks and they're enough.

  • I'm. A nice guy and I literally have never had a girl show interest in real life so I don't know.. I wouldn't say that I'm a nice guy in an annoying "welcome to Friendly's" way or whatever but I'm not a douche. I don't have confidence though so that could be what nice guys have :/

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    • Hon, I think if you read some of the answers here (especially from other guys) it will make sense and I think it will help you out a lot :)
      I think generally the idea is- you can BE nice, so long as you have other qualities to offer. Confidence, humour, assertiveness, an ability to stand up for yourself. That kinda thing.
      But yeah, read the answers on here, there's some golden information :)

  • "bad" = "tough" = "he can protect me" ( a reason why women pick tall men )
    Despite all the equality talk... women's hind brain still wants the caveman who drags them by the hair.

    Oh well, i am looking for the lost "gem" in the sea of trash.

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    • As long as you compare women to a "sea of trash" you're not going to find any gems. A lot of the time these gems can be found in what YOU call "sea of trash".
      Equality talk refers to equal opportunities in work, education, driving. It's no fucking secret that men are physically stronger than women, that's basic science. Human Anatomy 101. So they can carry on working in fields where strength is required, no body is arguing otherwise. But in terms of one's opportunity for education and general career, there is no science that says women SHOULDN'T have equality. Then there is shit that WILL have inequality because welcome to the human world: men and women have different chemical make-ups and thus mentalities. So naturally certain modernist ideas have a basis of logic behind them. We're meant to have equal opportunities. We're not MEANT to be equal. We ARE different and guess what? That's OKAY.

    • whatever you say.

  • How hard is it to talk your way into some pussy? If you're giving up your manhood for pussy than you might as well be a girl. Cause that's how they treat you if so.

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    • You mean the whole "nice guy" thing being about pussy? If so, I agree for the most part. I have plenty of these guy friends who are "nice" and always ask "why can't I get a girl, I'm so nice." Seems like a desperate attempt at a pussy hunt. I honestly think bad boys have more success with pussy. I don't approve of playboys or heart breaking, nor do I define players as "bad boys", but bad boys for the most part are confident and MANLY, which is the true pussy magnet I think.

  • I'm neither nice or bad, I am capable of being both, so I find this topic of rather amusing.

    Women like many Men go for low quality people because they themselves are low quality people. Low quality people will attract low quality people.

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    • Mmmm I think we define "boy boy" differently here. I don't mean some abusive ass or player. I mean a boy who might have darker views on life, who- when confronted by other guys- will rather fight back than run away, who knows what he wants and GETS it, who is confident, strong, doesn't conform to social rules, who isn't goin out of his way to please everybody, who isn't a pushover. By THOSE definitions, I actually think a bad boy is worth MORE quality than some softcore nice guy. But again, people might have different understandings and ideas of what a nice guy is. For me, it's generally a pussy pushover guy, who's always sensitive, low self-esteem, confidence issues, insecurities, who will try to use this "niceness" to get pussy, then complain about it when he doesn't succeed. Those are my definitions.

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    • If we are to remove nice and bad boy stereotypes, then yes I agree. I think like attracts like and worth attracts worth. Although sometimes opposites do attract. For example, my guy completes me and I complete him. He makes me darker, less naive about life. I make him lighter, make him like people more. Sometimes we find what we need, somebody to make us not necessarily BETTER, but more evolved and bigger than before.

    • Good for you. :)

  • Bad guys will bang you behind parking lots...

    I hate opened gifts don't you?

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    • I'm not sure I understand the relationship between your first sentence and what is obviously some metaphor. Could you elaborate?

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    • "You accept the risk of pregnancy with a jackass to save time? That's fucked up."
      One, I take the pill and have been for years. My risk of pregnancy is less than 1%.
      Two, well, believe it or not they're not "jackasses". They might not be the conventional "nice guy" types but they have never treated me with anything other than respect, like/love and friendship. Oh and they did treat me with kindness. I think by making sex this great prize in the end, you're kind of putting the emphasis on sex anyway. As if it's some trophy to achieve in 8 months. I find when sex is not the focus, I am able to develop other qualities of the relationship: communication, understanding, fun, friendship, enjoyment, emotional attachments. When sex isn't this great prize, like a biscuit for a dog, I find a relationship has better chances of blooming. How do I know? Haven't had a bad relationship experience yet.

    • See, I have a bigger purpose on this planet than to just "have kids". I find many modernist people are stuck in some genetic code fuck up. It goes like this: get born, grow up, have kids, die, then your kids grow up, have kids, die, their kids grow up, have kids, die and into infinity. Some people believe their sole purpose on this planet is "have kids". I'd like to think I'm a bit more evolved than that and can create a life for myself where I actually help the planet (and yes, enjoy some sins along the way). One day I will have a kid, but my LIFE does not revolve around that. I am more than a genetic code. I think God will forgive my sins with sex if I go into a line of career where I help people in poverty and homelessness, rather than relieving the cycle everybody else is.

  • I have a great answer. Ignore women, make money, and be happy.

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    • No sex? :O

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    • Lol so you don't have time to find romance or even masturbate. Yet you have time to read and comment in these forums? Yeah keep telling yourself that.

    • Why do you not have time for a woman? :O What are you doing that's so time consuming?

  • Thanks for asking this question, QA.

    The ONLY honest and accurate female response you have receive here thus far is from the second female who responded. The others have all been the typical defensive female stance on the subject, which gets no one anywhere.

    I can understand why women are defensive about this, but for god sake how about some fucking honesty for a change?

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    • The answers seem to rotate for me :( Can you state the name of this female so I can have a look?
      I found a lot of the guys' answers on here useful, especially those that distinguish the difference between a REAL nice guy and a "Nice Guy" (pushover pussy).

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    • Yeah I agree with that :)

    • Me too. Thanks. :)

  • Personally, I don't give a shit if a woman goes for the bad guy. I am a nice guy:

    -I am funny, smarty, charming, and whitty. I am also very shy and reserved.

    -I finished school, have my own apartment, my own car (I drive a 2014 Mustang, if you're curious) and take care of myself.

    -I am secure with myself... but I am not good at asserting myself with women, which is why I am still a virgin and have never been on a proper date.

    If a woman wants to date a guy who will treat her bad... that's fine with me. Just don't expect any sympathy or compassion from me when the guy fucks you over.

    That's why I honestly believe me shouldn't even pay attention to women. Just do you own thing, get your own money and focus on success.

    If a woman is smart, she will choose you right off for your ideals and goal oriented mind.

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    • Sorry for all the typos... I am on my phone -_-

    • Hmmm but bad boy doesn't necessarily suggest he mistreats her. Personally, I like the idea that I'm the only one he shows his true colours with :3 The kindness and shit.

      You ought to be careful, because with being a rich guy comes a whole new category of women: gold diggers. If you want to find a decent woman, I advice not letting her know (straight away) just how much you might have, sort of thing :)

    • But otherwise kudos to you!

  • Probably because women need a guy to bring them excitement in their life and the bad boy brings that

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What Girls Said 13

  • This is just my opinion. Well first let me clarify this once again, like I did in a question I posted about a blog I found (here's a pic from it, once again i.gyazo.com/52cab44e00ae0c71afa612796eecd37b.png ) . Guys who go like "why do girls always go for jerks. why don't they like nice guys" are not nice guys. I'm sorry guys, you can get offended all you want.
    Truly nice guys won't say "I am so nice" or express how that is the reason girls don't like them. There is MORE to attractiveness than "being nice". Appearance, how you treat others, personality. Just that won't help you.
    Second thing. Guys always generalize. NOT ALL of us go for jerks or assholes, however they wanna call them. Some are players and will act like that if you allow them to treat you that way. I had a guy friend who was so the "jerk" type with other people, except me. Because I wouldn't allow him to treat me like that.
    Any truly nice guy can be just as good as the jerk one, if he's confident and knows how to treat others.
    The advantage that the bad boy has (ignoring appearance in both cases) is that he's confident and goes for what he wants and also knows how to tease and not be clingy and constantly there. Also they are more protective, as the confidence gives them this vibe when with a girl they like.
    In some way the bad boy is better, but in some definitely a no.
    Just like guys date a girl who is so pretty and realize she is gossipy, or has an ugly personality, same goes for girls. Why should we be the target, when the situation is pretty much the same, except for the category we're judging on ( for example how nice is the person in this case)

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    • WOW. Amazing answer. Thanks girl :D That's so perfectly put.

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    • Yeah, to me mere looks is superficial. Nothing worse than seeing this hot guy who looks like this alpha male bad boy only to find out he's a mama's boy cry baby. No thanks. Personality runs deeper than water.

    • Yes! Personality influences so much, even if some people differently. No matter how good looking you are, if the attitude and personality don't work, it's not worth it. No matter if you're a guy or a girl.
      It is seen In celebs too, even though they seem so perfect.

  • I love nerdy nice guys. Quickly weird nice guys are my type. But a lot of the time nice guys are too afraid to approach us. We keep talking to them, but eventually we get tired of waiting so we move on. And the "bad" boy will ask us out the moment he meets us. Our hearts are emtpy, vulnerable and ready for love.
    Also guys who usually bitch about being the "nice guy", usually aren't nice guys. They're always winey. They assume that just because they're nice you have to sleep with them or date them. Or even if you legit think he just wants to be friends, because it's been 6 months and he hasn't made a move. Then one day (I think when he gets tired if trying), he just loses all contact. Just leaves you alone. And you have no idea what happened.

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    • Hahahaha like he expected YOU to make the first move or something? xDD
      Awesome answer, girl. I agree.

  • But... nice guys use women too. Almost all men on the planet at least pretend to be nice; just because someone acts nice doesn't mean they actually ARE, lol. If that were the case, why are there so many cheating married men, or divorces? Anyone can act nice, but that doesn't mean they're a good or a decent person. I think that a lot of those "nice guys" are just as bad as bad boys, just way more passive aggressive. Anyway, my point is that I consider them to both be the same kind of man, so I think the only reasons chicks go for the "bad" one is either because he's sexier, or just more alluring to them because of how he acts.

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  • I love Nice guys but with a lot of confidence. Unfortunately many nice guys lack confidence, so that's why I am still single haha. I am very shy myself so I tend to fall for the wrong guys because they say all the nice things, just like nice guys, but they are more confident and can give me that extra push that I need. nice guys are great, but it takes longer with them and sometimes they never make the move.

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    • I advise you to read Lauren2410's post below, she really distinguishes between REAL nice guys and "Nice Guys". So perhaps you just haven't found the REAL nice guy yet, only pushovers.

    • I will do that, thank you :)

  • First of all i love nice guys and my all ex's were nice guys but it was hard because all of them were very shy.

    I don't think other girls go for bad guys because they are ''bad'', i think it's just because they are more confident to approach.

    by the way ''nice guys'' are very specific group of people, i don't know why every guys think they are nice.

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  • Don't perpetuate this bullshit. I haven't liked a "bad boy" for the fact that he's "bad" since I was 14. Its childish.

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    • Well your preferences don't constitute the universal truth do they? Nor do they represent ALL women. At least I was courteous enough to mention that some girls prefer NICE guys. This question was directed at women who DO prefer a bad boy and to ask them why that is so. Perhaps you should search fr a question which asks why girls prefer NICE boys.

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    • Ohhh I see :O You have a different definition to me?
      Hell no, I'd never go for some drug dealer or crim. Just someone with a spine, who won't run away with the excuse he's "being the bigger man" but who will stand up to himself and defend him and his woman. Someone who knows what he wants and has confidence, assertiveness like you say, even a kind of dominance.

    • Well, you can be nice and assertive.

  • because the bad boy is always more handsome and more player than the others... girls tend to look at them , it is the same with me !

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  • I go for the guy who treats me most like a person rather than just some sexual object to fulfill their alpha male insecurities.

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    • Hmmm my guy treats me like a queen by day. During sex- it's fun and games, dominant stuff (which I love). And after, hugging and sleeping together, in his arms. I get the best of a great deal: treated like a person AND have fun sex. So what I'm saying is, it IS possible to have both.

  • They are sex gods. As simple as that.

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  • I've never understood the appeal of the bad boy, give me the nice guy any day :)

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  • Not me I'll stay away from bad boys they are trouble we'll I good guys can be protective also

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  • Because bad boys show their whole male potential. They're confident (or at least, they seem), they have a strong personnality so it's comforting. Girls need to be reassured. So they search for the most male man ^^.
    Or those who seem to be.

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    • Agreed :)
      It's funny, I obviously like bad boys in general, but even I had a hard time trying to figure out why. I think it's just in our female nature to want to see our the alpha male, the strongest, most successful, most confident. Especially where physical qualities go, because money is a new creation and battling animals/people/demons has always been in our human history, so it's like in our genetic code to want to find someone who could protect us. Plus, from the 21st century perspective, alpha males are just HOT. Like DAMN.

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    • Jesseray, my man is a bad boy, but he'd make for a great dad :) Hates people. But loves kids.

      And sure, chika, I'll have a look now :)

    • No man who hates people is fit to raise children, because his hatred will rub off on them. Wake up.

  • they drive fast cars and theyre confident and theyre rowdy and everything else but the good guys are way better.

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