How should I show my interest to this guy? And do you think he likes me?

So... There's this guy I have been friends with for about a year now. When we talk, he generally asks questions, including about deep stuff, and I answer him. But he never seems to share his own emotions, except by sometimes saying things like, "we all feel like that sometimes" or "we all go through stages like that". He will share his experiences though and if I ask how his day/weekend was, he'll give an honest answer without much detail like "pretty good", "could have been better" or "meh, I'm glad it's over".

He normally seems pleasantly surprised to see me... He lives in a house with a few of my other friends, so I might go over there when he doesn't realise I'll be coming, and he'll say in a higher pitched voice, "oh! Hello. What'd you come over for?" and I'll respond, "I came to see [friend's name]" and then his voice will go back down to normal and he'll say, "oh, cool". Which makes me wonder if he was hoping I'd come to see him or if he was merely surprised that I turned up randomly. I don't know if I'm reading into things too much.

He tends to remember things that I've said... Even months and months ago... But I'm not sure if he remembered me saying them to him, or if his housemates (my friends) discuss me when I'm not there so that he hears stuff about me a few times which would make it easier to remember...

He doesn't make any physical contact with me (or any other girl) at all... Wouldn't he touch me if he was interested in me?

He is always willing to offer to do favours for me (I don't ask him for favours in particular, I might just ask one of my good friends, and he'll be standing nearby and offer to help)... I don't know if he's just being nice, because he is generally nice to everyone, not just to me...

Am I in the friend zone? Is he just a nice guy? Does he like me? I'm scared to ask him out in case he doesn't like me and I ruin the friendship... What do I do?

Updates:
He does like me, after all.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • this is painful. just ask him out already.

    if he days no great you can get on with your life and stop playing 20- questions on your head. if he says yes even better you guys get to go out.

    anything is better than his.

    if you can write an essay about how he might feel you can take two seconds to ask him out. if thats 'too much' for him he's not interested in you and he's using you asking him out as an excuse. if someone genuinely likes you they'll be over the moon you just did the hard work. and removed ambiguity.

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    • Thanks. I'm waiting to see a change in his life before I would ask him out. In the meantime, I'm trying to figure out if he's interested so I can know if it's worth the wait.

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    • ;-) I'm REALLY happy for you.. sigh. a success story. from doubt to dating. congratulations.

    • Thank you - for all your help and for being happy for me 😀

What Guys Said 15

  • From personal experience I will tell you straight up and keep it real. To me I cannot be friends with a girl I am not interested in. If I do have a friend who is a girl that is because I have failed and we won't stay friends much longer. This guy is into you. I would never talk to a girl this much unless I really liked. It just seems like he's really shy and scared that you'll say no and reject him. Unfortunately the only way you two could ever happen is for you to be straightforward with him. I don't understand why people can't do this. This is how I am now. For my sake I wish girls could do this. But girls my age never did. I'm currently seeing a women who is 8 years older then me. (I'm 20) she could not have been any more straight forward. And I absolutely loved it.

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    • Thank you so much for sharing :)

    • @. I don't understand why people can't do this.

      Agreed.

  • Some guys, RARE guys, like to get to know you before we show our interest or ask you out. No guy likes to get the 'I have a boyfriend/girlfriend' reply!
    He sounds like a nice guy, that honestly cares about you. Is he an 'Engineer' type, or an socially awkward kind?
    He might be thinking you are just a 'Friend'; he might be 'Religious' and not be 'allowed'?; he might just feel insecure, thinking that you are 'out of his league', afraid to ask you out, or express his feelings for fear of rejection. Maybe he was rejected, before.
    If you want to know, liking him, maybe try taking the initiative, and ask him, casually, why he is so 'nice' to you, and does so many things, telling him you like that.
    Some guys like assertive women, and you might have your Mr. Right, if you just take a chance. . .

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    • Thank you :)
      He is the engineer type and he is a bit religious.
      Good idea, to ask him why he is so nice to me! I never thought of that!

  • Usually girls kinda start off with the touchy Feely stuff so you need to flirt with him a bit and see if he is interested in you before you ask him out. Its kinda hard cause you have to be subtle, guys are not used to women making the first move so you have to walk the line of flirting without being too aggressive... I don't think your in the friend zone but you need to make him aware of your feelings. Guys have to deal with rejection most of the time so you have to be tough and go after what you want!

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    • How do I flirt in a non-aggressive way?

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    • Thanks :)
      One time I did smile and wink at him and he looked very surprised but he didn't flirt back... So I haven't flirted with him since...

    • guys have to deal; with rejection but they dont want to obviously know she likes him.. c'mon thats kind of bs.

      why do you says women start off the touchy feely stuff but guys dont want her making the first move. that makes no sense plus its totally confining.

      if you like someone you let them know. if they like you great. if not move on. why all the games.

  • It sounds like he may be interested in you, but is only willing to act if he's positive you also like him. Try and make it a bit more obvious that you're interested in him by touching him more often or asking him out to do something just the two of you.

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    • Ok, thanks heaps!

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    • Thank you, that's really helpful!

    • no problem!

  • I don't think any of what he said is any indicator he likes you.

    It is always a surprise to see someone come to your home without notice (which would happen if you were to see someone else).

    Is he typically very smart? Does he do well in school or have a job that uses his brain? If he remembers little details about you, he's probably just very smart. I know people who aren't quite as gifted will feel flattered we remember things about them because they think we sat around especially internalizing this stuff.

    As for asking you personal questions without opening up himself is sort of pretty lame. You don't ask questions like that if you're not willing to answer them yourself. And I don't think this is really indication.

    The only thing possibly is him volunteering to help a lot.

    It seems all these things seem like indicators because you're crushing on him.

    My only advice, as I would as a guy is to, borrowing from pick-up artist jargon, "escalate" with him. Touch him. That's what I usually look for before trying to meet her somewhere in between. Pay SPECIAL ATTENTION to him when you can: hover around him more than others, talk to him more, etc. Some girls are very touchy and affectionate even to their friends so kick it up a few notches than what you normally do and what HE sees you normally do. Hand him innocent compliments like his hair or shirt. Not so innocent compliments if you really want to drive it home: "cute face" etc. As a guy if I see this I will try to drop hints as well and check reaction.

    Some guys simply won't make a move until they've seen enough interest from you. So meet him halfway, 10% of the way or 90% of the way. It depends on your comfort level vs his. But for most girls the comfort isn't there and so it's up to guy most of the time. He might be especially uncomfortable and no one wants to be the guy who thinks every girl is into him when they pay even the slightest attention to himself. So show him special attention.

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    • Thank you so much for a completely honest answer and the advice! I was scared that I was reading too much into things

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    • Whatever signals you send his way and there is a change in behavior or whatever that you feel is positive than you could move things further along. Being more obvious and such.

      If he hovers around you, while you're conversing with others then he's likely placing himself conveniently to increase opportunities for interaction but doesn't want to interrupt your current conversation. Certainly I have tried to make sure I am seated next to a girl I like when going out in groups: it increases opportunity for interaction. Do you acknowledge him at all during these situations?

    • Ok, thanks.

      I speak to him when he speaks to me but I must admit I'm normally too shy to look at his face most of the time.

  • First off for the physical contact, I never started hugging my girl friends (friends who are girls) until they initiated it, part of the reason for that is fear because some (although very very small) groups of girls will say that, that particular dude is perverted or whatever, even though it doesn't make sense, and it might not even be that there afraid to sort of scare away so to speak their friend who is a girl, as immature as that sounds, it's usually better for the girl to initiate, cuz guys love hugs, but make sure it makes sense to do it don't just randomly do it just because.

    Now from what you describe its a little difficult for even myself to tell because I do mostly all the things this guy does whether i'm crushing on that girl or not. I say look for more signs, see if he just randomely stares at you in class for instance, ik I was staring at my crush one time in class (or maybe a few times), if maybe you can see if he starts sweating when he talks to you though according to your story it seems to not be the case. Or see how he talks with your friends and see if anything changes when he starts talking to you. Do it a few times not every one is a hundred percent consistent. So to that I say you really have to observe diligently to figure it out. But on a side note if you decide to go after him don't worry about it too much. Guys are usually easy on letting girls down, and it will not ruin your life if he says he's not interested. Even for me there was a girl who crushed on me who told me and I didn't have feelings for her but it never ruined our friendship, in fact I think for us at least it made our friendship stronger cuz we felt like we could trust each other.

    So yea sorry this was a little long but I hope you read it and remember every one is different and may react differently.

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    • Thank you :)
      This was very helpful

    • He does randomly stare at me but yeah I don't think he gets nervous around me

    • Happy to help 😄 let me know if you need more help.

  • He might think you do not like him and is afraid to show much interest until he gets a sign from you. I would flirt with him more if you're not already. Look into his eyes if you catch him looking at you. Touch his arm for a second or two when he makes a joke. Seriously break the touch barrier. Touch poke punch kick whatever. In my experience it's what I usually watch for when trying to decide if a girl is into me.
    All in all, you can't go wrong with asking him to go to a movie or something. It might just blow his mind.

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    • His response to your flirting would probably be a good indication to whether or not to ask him out

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    • Eye contact while talking to one another is basic social skills. Otherwise I agree with you might want to show him more interest within your own comfort level.

    • Thanks joe_joe

  • it has taken me a long time to figure this out but you gotta ask yourself if you would regret knowing more than not knowing if someone likes you or not. If you like the guy just go for it and ask him if he wants to date. if he says no that sucks but at least you would know. If he says yes, that is pretty awesome right? and if you are both good people asking will not ruin the friendship.

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    • Ok thanks :)
      I don't think he's ready to date though because his life is a bit of a mess, so I don't actually want to go out with him yet...

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    • incognito..

      she said she thinks he's not ready so she's not ready. how does that = her trying o motivate him...

      incidentally some people like being encourAges and won't like you if you dont. others hate it and won't like you if you do. its got nothing to do with they sex. some people want to be motivated others find it condescending our just annoying.. i fall into the latter category and I'm not a guy.

      a lot of guys will get a gf JUST to have someone on their side believing on them.. there's no hard fast ruled. your bf was one guy amongst billions.

    • Thanks Azara :) I wasn't planning on being his motivation or anything.
      It's not like I planned on nagging him or anything... The most encouragement I would offer is just compliments on things he's already done and the like, NOT asking him to do things and saying "you can do it". You know, just telling him how great he's already doing in the areas where he is going well :)

  • i agree... go up to him and ask if he was interested in moving into a relationship... if so ask him out :P

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  • I think that guy is protective kind of person, all you need to do is text him like a friend in night and wait for him when he is in a mood to tell. Once he is in a mood, ask him questions you want to know.
    According to me he is not into you at all up till now but you can turn him into you, first by opening him up, then by more and more listening to him.

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    • Thanks
      I'm not quite how to open him up and "text him like a friend in the night"

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    • yup most probably, if he is at least slight into you.

    • Ok thanks :)

  • Of course he was hoping you came to see
    Him ! He's got a crush on you ! Sounds
    To me like he may be a bit shy. Not so much that he can't ask you how your weekend went. I think he really wants you to Hang with him.

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  • wear knee high socks and a short skirt.

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  • I'd say he's just shy and ya ask him out, I bet he'll be relived
    X)

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  • He seems into u, but guys NEVER go into much detail or show emotion so u have nothin to worry about. Just ask him straight up

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    • @, but guys NEVER go into much detail or show emotio...

      sooooo NOT true.

      you're young. you'll see what I'm talking about as you get older sand out of hs where everyone lies.

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    • @ azara, I've kinda been a guy for almost 17years, It's kinda normal to not show that much emotions, or even bottle it up, but that's just from a guy's perspective

    • TreJInfinity, I have observed that men tend to hide their emotions a lot - including my father. So I certainly do place value on your opinion. Thank you :)

  • Be forward, sexy and relaxed. Show your interest at first and chill afterwards. I think you have a chance. Play the game and NEVER act like the more needy one.

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    • Thanks for the advice! :-)

    • You are welcome. 3 words of advice to always live by. Every passing moment is a chance to make big changes and become a better, sexier, more intelligent, more moral person, learn from other peoples mistakes and lastly always know you are #1 and worth everything good in life including respect, loyalty and passion. You got one life so have fun and be safe.

    • Thank you! that's really good :)

What Girls Said 6

  • What I know is that you are good friends and he seems to be a nice guy. I don't know if he likes you or not. I think you should go out only the two of you sometimes, but not actually like a date. Just ask him to go out for a coffee, or for grabbing something to eat, or tell him that you want to see this movie/go to this concert and you can't find someone to come with you. Don't clarify if it's a date or not. At least some alone time will bond you more, and you will have the opportunity to flirt with him a bit.

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    • Ok, that's a good idea, thank you :)

  • start flirting but not hard core flirting find things both of you like and then talk more and more and dont be afrid to be his friend

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  • Yea. He is interested in you. But he is kinda shy, so maybe it would be good if you are not shy with him because then you have 2 shy people. Ask him out.. In the most casual way possible and then work him up to an actual date. Sometimes us girls have to give the first move. :)

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  • Gosh I'm in the same situation you're in right now. I dont know if this guy likes me or not.

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    • Lol I hope the opinions for my question help you, then

  • I think he digs you, you should start flirting with him , but like not intense or anything

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  • I don't think guys friend zone a girl? Unless you're raised with him or have been freinds for like ages , I think you should really give it a shot and ask em out on a date focusing on you two only.

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