Where is the line between hooking up and dating?

When do you think you are dating?
Do you need to talk to your significant other about this?
Do you think it's possible that one part can see it as a bootycall/FWB, and the other as dating?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Hooking up is just no obligations. Taking a random chance at luck, you can totally disappear the next day and never speak to the other person again.

    Dating is a kind of commitment, but not much. It could be as good as a normal friendship where there's an element of respect, giving, and trust that isn't there just for flings. Or it can just be something trivial, like a regular session out just to have fun with each other without any emotional attachment behind it.

    I'd think I'm dating when I've met up with a girl multiple times, to the point that it started to feel comfortable hanging out with her, and there's a kind of desire to start meeting up regularly instead of just on a whim. And I prefer to talk it over with my SO about it, just to make sure we're on the same page. It's a matter of checking her commitment levels too, because I wouldn't want to get serious about dating unless she was ready too.

    And yes, I guess it's possible but not very likely to mistaken a friends with benefits with dating. That's why sometimes we need to discuss where we are with our SO.

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What Guys Said 6

  • A major part of the difference between these two are intent.

    When two people are hooking up, the intention is physical. They are not concerned about getting to know each other on a deeper personal level, only on a superficial level to move their physical interactions along smoothly.

    With dating, the intention is getting to know the other person, trying to learn about their personality and then determining if that personality is compatible with your own. There can still be a very strong physical element to it, but the intention is not focused on the physical, it is focused on the personal.

    Bootycall/FWB falls more into the 'hooking up' than the 'dating', though it is possible that the two partners may have very different views about what is happening if there hasn't been proper communication. Booty calls, in particular, are basically a form of hooking up.

    friends with benefits is a big, convoluted topic that most girls seem to completely misunderstand, and goes way outside of the scope of this question, so I won't address it directly here other than to say that it can definitely get misunderstood by one partner or the other and mistaken for one of the other 'options'.

    Regarding the specific question 'do you need to talk to your SO about this?'... you do if you want to be sure you are both on the same page and both classifying your relationship in the same terms, with the same expectations. Though it can be as simple as the guy first saying "Do you want to be my girlfriend?" and the girl answering "Yes." That answers the question automatically without an actual 'discussion' being needed. If the relationship took a more subtle, convoluted route, then clarification may be needed.

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  • Questions like this are part of the reason why I don't like the modern approach to relating to the opposite sex (or the same sex if you swing that way). Being someone with a computer programmer mindset, I prefer to keep things simple by removing ambiguities. Is it dating or just hooking up? Well, I don't do hook-ups, so it cannot be that. Is it hanging out or dating? Well, if I asked her out on a date, and made it known to her that it was a date, and she accepted, then it was a date -- otherwise, it's just hanging out. Is it dating or a relationship? Well, if I asked her to be my girlfriend and she accepted, then it must be a relationship, otherwise it's just dating. NO GREY AREAS.

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  • Over the years I've come to learn nothing is impossible and nothing absolute. If you're confused about where you stand, ask him what you guys are and where you're going. It's really that easy.

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  • Dating meaning going exclusive, so naturally you'll have to have the talk first before proclaiming it to the world.
    Usually it's referred to as I am seeing someone.

    Yes, until you have had the talk, it's possible one part see it as a friends with benefits and the other as dating, if you don't have clear lines then there is plenty of room for misunderstandings.

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  • You have to talk to them about it.

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  • one is sex, the other isn't.

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