I told him I was waiting for marriage to have sex. Not sure if he'll stick around? (I know it's long but please read)

I've been on 5 wonderful dates with a guy I met online. On our 4th date, it ended at like 3 AM, so he invited me to sleep over but added it was "my choice". I wasn't sure if he was alluding to having sex, so I thought it would be a good time to tell him I was waiting for marriage.

Needless, to say he was very stunned and confused. And he said it was like a bombshell. But he still kissed me goodbye. The next day he asked me if I got home ok and that he had an interesting evening.

On Sunday, he asked me to go for a walk with him in the park like we talked about on Friday. As always, he continued to be very affectionate, holding my hand, hugging me, kissing my face. He brought it up again that he was very surprised and he asked me if I didn't like sex... I said absolutely I love it and told him my reasons again. He said he wasn't looking to get married anytime soon, and I said neither was I. I asked him what he wanted to do then, if he needed more time to think about it. I think he said Yeah, but he then started talking about something else.

We moved to another area by the water in a secluded part. And we were making out a bit, but he was so sweet and affectionate. We were laughing and talking. We joked about buying a boat together and he said it would suck if we broke up cause how would we split the boat piece by piece (Was this a reference to us being exclusive?). Later after an intense kiss, he said something like, I don't know how I'm going to date you without having sex with you. As we were leaving, there was a couple kids that passed us, and he asked me if I wanted kids... I said I was undecided and not anytime soon, he said the same.

His father is visiting him this week so I'm assuming I won't see him again til after. Should I just let the ball go in his court... i. e., wait for him to contact me again? Is he just trying this to see how it goes and to see how much he is into me?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I kinda feel like you indirectly "trapped" him. You waited a very long time to bring this up as this is a pretty import thing to note, (some guys, like myself, are afraid or not interested in marriage, and even if we were it could be years away or it could end up getting rushed to get to the sex).

    By doing this you got him interested in you enough for him to stay hooked on you just by the love of you as a person, the reason this could be bad is because if he would have originally not hooked up with you knowing you were waiting, this sentiment will probably eventually overwhelm his non sexual interest in you. Causing him to distance himself and lose interest.

    On a related note, why wait until "marriage"? What is the significance of marriage? Is it for religious reasons? To me marriage is no longer anything more than symbolism in today's society.

    Instead of waiting until marriage, why not wait until common law?
    www.cleo.on.ca/.../married-or-common-law-does-it-make-difference
    I am pretty sure you become common law after living with someone a certain amount of time. This will make him not feel pressured to try to marry you quickly for sex, while keeping him more interested if he is afraid of marriage itself.

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What Guys Said 5

  • this is something that now a days need to be brought up by or ON the first date. cause to a guy who like and want sex, its like you're dropping a bomb on him. as someone said already. if he leaves, he looks like an ass to you.

    one of your answers to his questions would have defiantly caused me to leave. you told him " i love sex". to a guy this sounds like, you dont wana be sexual with him and in a way rejecting hi when you just told him im waiting for marriage. since you make it sonds like you used to have sex a lot or w/e but you won't do it for him

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    • Thanks for your feedback. But I think it would have been unreasonable to bring it up on the 1st date. Like I said I brought it up after the 4th date, after he suggested I "sleep over". I asked him if he wanted me to bring it up earlier, and he said no, it was fine.

      And regarding your 2nd comment, I already addressed this with another person below, but I think I've taken it out of context. When he asked me if I didn't like sex, he wasn't talking about it in the literal sense, he meant do you like the idea of sex (i. e., did I have any hangups about having sex). (I was trying to simplify my question on GAG, so I left out some details).

  • My guess is he was falling for you, this i a dealbreaker, and things probably end, but he hasn't wrapped his head around it yet. That's unless you're an 'everything but sex is okay' girl, in which case its harder to say.

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  • Don't you think he kinda needed to know you were waiting until marriage just a bit before the 4th date? It's VERY different to wait until the time is right with a woman which could be days, weeks or months than waiting until marriage which could take years.

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  • If you feel like you have to wait until marriage for sex then you're indirectly admitting that your personality may not be good enough to keep a guy into a relationship, so you won't ride his ding dong. Sex isn't bad mane.

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    • i dont normally do this but WTF did i just read O_o. how did you come up with that.

  • "and he asked me if I didn't like sex... I said absolutely I love it"

    so you have allready had sex? But you won't with him, yes I would move on from you im afraid.

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    • No, I am a virgin. We were referring to the idea or concept of sex here, meaning I have no qualms about sex itself.

    • you can't know you like sex until you try it, you like the IDEA of it. By the way once you start having it you'll wonder why you ever waited

    • By the way, its not healthy physically or mentally for a man to go a long time without sex...

What Girls Said 2

  • Look, you know what you want to do, and you have your reasons for it. If he's not willing to wait with you, then it's just not meant to be. I disagree with those who are saying you waited too long to tell him. It's a pretty personal thing. Not something you want to blurt out on the first date, for sure. And even if you'd told him earlier, I doubt it would have changed his reaction.
    I say let him lead. He obviously needs some time to think about it. That's fair. From what you've said, he's certainly interested in you. But sex is a big part of relationships for a lot of people, so it would make sense that he'd want to figure out where he stands on the issue.

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  • drop it like its hot!
    i was in the similar situation the guy wanted action and i wanted to wait until marriage we played the getting the know each other and see how things go and after 2 months of meeting and talking he just got bored coz i wouldn't give him any so he said lets just be friends and i said i am not looking for friendship so it ended. Complete waste of time!

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