Why does is seem that if you don't have the perfect waist line and a big butt that you are unattractive or undeserving of love?

I am a beautiful educated, independent, women and it seems like I am looked over by men because I am not the the body type like the girls on TV. I am not obese but I do not have the tiny waist and big butt that I guess most men that live in my area are attracted to. I am not flat and I have a beautiful face, a great personality, a big heart, and on a physical note I am busty with great legs. Why does it seem that only the girls who look like the video girls on TV are considered the standard for what is or is not beautiful?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Well it's probably just you're train of thought. I could make the same excuse as I'm flat chested. But I find some guys who look at me and even check out my small breasts (say what? some guys actually like A cups? I guess so yea lol)
    Basically, guys aren't some puppets that only go for one body type. They love all types of women. Just like women have different tastes, men like different things. Some are chubby chasers, some only like big boobs, some only like big butts, some like long thin legs, some like tall girls, some like fair/light skin. If I fret about all the guys who told me I was too short, too skinny, my legs are too short, my breasts are too small, my skin is too dark, etc. If I focused on them, I wouldn't notice all the guys who like petite women, who actually like small breasts, who like short girls, who like tan skin, etc. And most importantly, I wouldn't notice what I actually think of myself.
    Think about. There's "ugly" people who can get into relationships. Someone had sex with Honey Boo Boo's mother. Those "Walmartians/People of Walmart" have a bunch of kids, and some of those people, it's basically shocking because they're not all that attractive and have a nasty attitude. So I think it's all in your head. Just have a little confidence in yourself. And ignore those who don't like you for who you are. As cliche as this sounds, you can't love others until you love yourself. It's true. I'm still working on those myself, so I don't blame you. But at one point we're gonna have to be realistic and see that maybe it's just all in our heads. We are our own worst enemies.

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    • This was the best advice thus far. I guess those bad experience really did a job on my self esteem. (I have to apologize for my age group. I must have put my birth date in wrong and it won't let me change it, Just don't want to seem like I am deceiving anyone I am in my thirty's) It great to see a young woman be so wise. It is crazy how the opinions of men made me question my own self worth. You are a gem.

    • Thanks for MHO :)

      No problem. :) It's the truth. We can't keep beating ourselves up for things we can't control. I do want breast implants, but then I don't. I think about how wonderful big breasts are, but then I think about how wonderful my breasts can be. Some people think I have an amazing body, some don't. I'm sure some girls look at you and think "wow, she has the perfect body, I wish I looked like that." I'm sure some guys look at you and think "wow, she's the most beautiful woman I've ever seen".
      So why focus on all the people who say our body is ugly? Let's focus on the positive. :) lol I know it's hard. Because I'm still working on this. But we have to fake it till we make it.
      Everytime I get the feelings of breast implants, I just tell myself :
      "It's not the breasts that make the woman beautiful. It's the woman that makes the breasts beautiful."
      You can substitute it for what ever body part that you're most insecure about. Waist, butt, legs, hair, etc. Good luck :)

What Guys Said 12

  • Post a picture of yourself. Maybe you find yourself more attractive than you really are?

    Every female body type has a guy that fancies that type.

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    • By no means am I making myself out to be more than I am. I am speaking on men who claimed to not have a problem with my shape or looks and found me pretty enough to date and show off but then changed when these Video Types came into the picture and strangely they now want me back. Of course there is someone for everyone. I'm just wondering what the obsession is with big butts and why good women are being put down (mainly where I grew and live) because of it. I was just wondering if this is going on everywhere.

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  • Because it is easier to believe that the reason is something biological and innate, rather than something you are actively doing in your behavior. Physical appearance isn't everything, and even then, body characteristics aren't everything either.

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    • Trust me I have done the self examination thing because like I said no one is perfect but when I asked both guys who did this why they said that I was a good women and that they would tell anyone that but they did it because they were tempted by the PHYSICAL attributes of the other woman which was the small waist and the over sized butt. Both of them are still trying to win me back but I love myself too much to be with anyone who would treat me this way. I take FULL responsibility for my ways because if I don't then I can't be my best me.

    • Well I am not attracted to the hourglass figure, so there's that.

  • It's just media. Right now all the rage is big butts. Don't let it get to u. You sound great, just be yourself

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    • You are so right and thank you. It just hurts sometimes to think that your butt matters more than your heart.

    • I know right? Way to influence all the little girls growing up these days. Smh. But don't worry, as guys get older we start looking at the heart more than we do what it's packaged in. Because that changes over time. The heart stays until the end

    • Great answer!

  • It may seem like that but I don't think it's true. It sounds like you have a lot of things that will attract us. We all have our physical preferences though.

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  • I know many girls built the way you described and have guys hit on them in an active dating life. It sounds cheesy, but Confidence really does matter and shines through. Real confidence, not putting on an act.

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    • Looks matter and that's a fact. But if you can be yourself and know that's enough, you are much better off. I'm also assuming you treat men with respect and don't give off a 'bitch' vibe. Because guys will avoid that

    • I could never be a B*&() to anyone because Karma is a force to wreck with but I will stand up for myself if need be. I believe you have to give respect to get it. I really appreciate your perspective and maybe it is a confidence issue on my part because I think being hurt by these guys really took a blow to my self esteem especially because I allowed myself to be vulnerable and I was truly being genuine

    • You can always choose to come back from bad experiences. The moment you can be comfortable with yourself and like yourself, other people will be comfortable with you too : )

  • Its Nicki and Kims fault

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    • That is so funny but so true. It's like they set the standard and unless you have money for a good plastic surgeon you are basically invisible. It's a shame because there are some really good girls being passed by because they are not perfect but who is.

  • I'd say, it's in your head. Surely some guys are that superficial but you don't want this kind of guy do you? If you want love and you can bring a lot to the table, then it's just a matter of finding the right guy.

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    • I agree with you maybe I just need to travel like another person posted and broaden my horizons but I don't see how it's just in my when I have had so many of my co-workers and friends ask me what I am asking you guys. I think the problem exist but it's like you said it's the type of guys i'm exposing myself to. Thanks for your post and hopefully one day I can find the right guy until then I guess it's a lot of prayer, girls nights out, hitting the gym, and working overtime for me LOL

  • You sound attractive.

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    • Thank you so much. I guess I feel like I always end up the girl guys take home and the family loves and they say I'm beautiful both inside and out. Then I get cheated on by the guy with the video vixens. It makes me feel like I am not good enough and what is the point of being a good women if all guys care about is sex and looks?

    • You also sound like an amazing person.

  • Hmmmm...

    Then the guys you're dating are dopes... It's only teenage boys who want the perfect body...

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  • The women on TV are only the standard for the type of men on TV. You don't deserve someone out of your league. Don't expect anyone to lower their standards. Maybe you should lower your standards.

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  • To be honest you sound lovely, it's just media and unrealistic expectations

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  • Personally I'm not into big butts and many of my friends feel the same. It seems to be an American thing

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    • I understand. You see I am West Indian and Puerto Rican and in both cultures it is frowned upon if you don't have the small waist and the perfect backside so I was teased growing up because physically I don't meet the standards of either culture. The other women in my family look purely Indian or Spanish but I took after my great grandmother who was tanned with curly hair opposed the long black wavy hair like that of her west indian counterparts. I guess it just hit me how obsessed people are with looks. It is kind of sad.

    • Wow you shouldn't be so harsh on yourself. Curly is very attractive. Explore the world different places like different things , I'm sure you're some guys dream girl!

What Girls Said 2

  • Only in America?

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  • Because society has made it that way. like you I have a very similar physique but smaller boobs like B cup and my butt is like Kim K 's lol but really, fuck the men that overlook you and just keep the ones in mind who appreciate you NOT just your body and embrace it girl! (:

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    • I hear that load and clear

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