My bf doesn't want me to have guy friends or talk or text them. Is this ok?

My bf told me he is the jealous type and protective when he is in a relationship. He doesn't want me to have any guy friends. I can't even text them. He said he doesn't talk to girls or hangout with them when he is in a relationship. Is this normal or ok?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • It depends on how extreme he is about it. This sounds kinda extreme and I met a girl who had an extreme case like this. I met her at work and she was willing to go to the gym with me at first then suddenly as we texted she kept saying no which confused me. I find out her boyfriend was taking her phone and he even threw me in her block list. She showed me her block list and it was huge! I felt like she was being completely controlled by him.

    Now I feel these types of guys can only really date ultra commitmentholic types of girls if you know what I mean. I personally wouldn't go nuts but I would say boundaries with guys are definitely needed. If I had a girlfriend who was wanting to go to dinners 1 on 1 with guys I'd think she was going on dates. But a mere male coworker texting about work tomorrow shouldn't be some cause for alarm.

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    • I understand him not wanting me to hangout with them alone but the no texting or having any guy friends did give me pause. The thing is our relationship is still so fresh. Maybe he needs time to see I can be trusted. Maybe he has gone through bad things before

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    • I don't want that. I don't know what to do

    • We told you what to do, but you are not going to do it. And yes it will get worse. You sound like a weak person making excuses or justification trying to rationalize to soften the problem, but it only gets worse

What Guys Said 23

  • Nope, not ok. It is not a person's right to control another person's access to friends and a support network. It is fine for him to expect to be introduced to these guys, and for you not to be texting all sneaky behind his back, but no way not right for him to 'ban' you from talking to anybody, much less half of the planet.

    Jealousy is a personality flaw. It is not a ticket to act like an asshole and demand people act in a way that makes them feel better. If he is jealous, it means he doesn't trust you. If he doesn't trust you, he either has some big issues he needs to work through, or he has a guilty conscious, which makes it more likely that he is cheating on you than the other way around.

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    • I feel like he does have trust issues. But he works long hours and he says he doesn't have time for friends girls or guys. I'm all he wants to focus on. He said he won't talk to girls or hangout with them. Because that is why he has me to do all that with but he expects the same from me. He seems very possessive

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    • I really don't want to lose my friends. And I know it's unhealthy to just focus one person. I don't want this to end. I really like him but I'm scared this could lead to something bad. But I don't know if I'm overreacting. Some girls tell me I'm lucky a guy doesn't want to talk to other girls or hangout with them. And it does make me feel good knowing he won't do that. But I also know it isn't healthy

    • No, you are not lucky a guy doesn't want to talk to other girls. You have no way of knowing if he is going to keep that promise, he is just trying to take away all of your outside support.

      Look at it this way: if you have a lot of guy friends, all platonic, but nice, good guys, good friends, he can't get abusive, because you will just tell them. He can't treat you like shit and say 'all guys are like this', you can just ask your friends. With no other friends, a year or two goes by and you will not be able to just 'find' other friends, your social circles will have shrunk to nothing. And then you will just stay with him, even if he gets abusive, because what else are you going to do?

      It is 100% a way to control you.

      If you don't want it to end, say that it is not acceptable that you give up your friends. A relationship isn't a dictatorship, he can't just force you to stop living your life. If he isn't ok with you having friends, then move on. It's not worth it. Too risky.

  • Being protective can be a good thing, but this is something altogether different from protectiveness; this is him being jealous and controlling. I don't think it's healthy at all, and I wouldn't be cool with it if I were you.

    I suspect that this is only the tip of the iceberg with this guy too, and it will only get worse from here until he fixes his own insecurities.

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  • NOT NORMAL. Seriously that sounds horrid! I think a healthy relationship is one in which both the guy and girl have a good social circle, which probably would include people of opposite genders too.

    It's absolutely fine to hangout with guys, my girl works in a male-dominant office environment, and participates in a male-dominant dance scene. But I approve of her and her activities, because she chose me, she wants to be with me, she puts in the effort and she accepts me for who I am.

    In fact, I think if I tried to force her to not have any male friends, she would drop me in a heart beat for being such a jealous, insecure, and overprotective jerk. And I would expect any other girl to do the same too.

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  • He has big insecurities, and does not trust his partner. If it's like this now it will get worse. It will bother you more and more, causing problems. what's next you can't get a job where other guys work?

    People with these traits (not all) tend to have a "short fuse" which can lead to incidents of domestic abuse.

    Get rid of him. The sooner the better.

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    • I guess I should talk to him about this. Almost everyone is scaring me with the whole he might hit me thing.

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    • He doesn't get drunk but he did tell me once he has anger issues. But he said he would never hurt me. I don't know what to do. He is so sweet to me though. I'm a virgin and he never pushes me sexually. He is very understanding and patient. But I understand what you mean and I'm getting very worried

    • "he did tell me once he has anger issues"

      Ultimately the decision is yours.

      My advice: Get out. Get out. Get out.

  • Jesus Christ... we live in a sick world and so the result of that is sick comments that force you to believe that your boyfriend is wrong in his view of the world.
    A man must lead his household and relationship in whichever way he sees fit as long as he keeps a balance and isn't expecting from his partner that which he wouldn't do of himself.
    He is perfectly normal and within his rights as a man to do so. Now it is his role to lay down the rules of engagement, but it is your choice whether you choose to accept these terms... if you do not, then leave him. But if you love him more than you dislike this arrangement then the truth is that this arrangement is part of his personality and isn't a separate, self functioning entity inside him, It is him and a crucal element in why your attracted to him.

    He may have insecurity problems but who doesn't? I just grow increasingly disappointed when i see all these self righteous comments from individuals who walk around like their shit doesn't stink. Love him or leave him for who he is, never try and change him, but improve yourself as a person. Most people don't get the most basic element of a relationship.

    We are/become a reflection of our partners, more and more by the day. So when you free yourself of your own insecurities, you free him of his.

    If you try and change him... guess what he's going to do to you?

    And then comes the breakup...

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    • It's to soon for me to love him. We Just Started going out but I do care For him and want this To work. He wants to me to do what he himself will do. Just let it be us two. And only us two. He wants to be the one I want to talk to or hangout with only. Just like he feels about me. I don't want to leave him

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    • When i say daddy issues i don't necessarily mean your father was violent towards you, as recent as 3 days ago i had a client who's boyfriend beat her viciously. Everytime i saw her she had new bruises and she always made excuses for him.
      When i asked her about her mother and father, she had a wonderful relationship with both... on the surface that is.
      What i discovered eventually was that her father was so close to her that he was more like a brother and her mother was more like a sister. So my client never really understood what an assertive guiding father figure was... So, characteristic of humans being, what she did was to find the extreme of what she needed.
      On top of that, she fell pregnant at a young age and confessed to not wanting the baby, as the pregnancy continued her feelings changed. By the time the baby was born she decided to keep it, however her mum told her, 'You aren't ready to be a mother and give a child what it needs.' She gave the child up for adoption

    • ... She searches for her lost child at the bottom of beer cans and sees her little face in her drunken dreams only. She confesses that she loves her boyfriend deeply but on closer observation you'll discover that her boyfriend was abandoned by his mother from birth and has lived a wayward life ever since. She say's she loves him because no1 else understands him and no one else will give him a chance...
      I think you can connect the dots.

  • That's not okay, I'm going through the same thing, my girlfriend (1 year and 4 months) told me all the time that she gets madly jealous when i talk to other girls and told me to stop talking to them and i did because I love her and i expected the same exact thing. Just recently i started getting more jealous than i usually am because she started talking to this guy that used to like her but she rejected him before and had no feelings for him then I usually am and only wanted her to my self. She felt like I was too clingy, She felt Smothered, she needed space, she needed time to miss me and be alone and she said she lost total interest in me. I haven't given her that due to that and that pushed me away from her, I'm fixing the relationship and making it better and it's really hard and It hurts But i really love her and i know she's the one. You should talk to him because I don't want you guys ending up like my relationship :(

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    • I'm sorry to hear that happened to you but I'm glad you're fixing your relationship hope it all works out. And I will talk to him because I want this to work

  • This is common, but it's immature and really not normal. Especially if you have guy friends you have to stop talking to. You can't let him tell you who you can or can't talk to, or be friends with

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    • Especially of this is early in the relationship. Either say you're not going to do that or dump him. He will try to control you other ways later down the road

  • Sounds like a very possessive and controlling person. He may also get very jealous, as those often go hand in hand. I do not think it is okay or normal, and I will say it may be indicator of other less positive characteristics you may have yet to encounter from him.

    If you like having limits placed on you by others, and you really like him, then I have no advice for you other than to be careful. Otherwise, run.

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  • Yes he's extremely jealous and insecure and I wouldn't doubt that he's cheating on you because he's making such a big deal about you talking about other guys

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    • You think he is cheating?

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    • Well then @DoctorSex can you say you've ever seen a relationship like that last? He's trying to control everything she does with people in general, and while my accusation of him cheating is probably far-fetched, This kind of behavior has been known to be cover up for cheaters. I also Don't think she likes idea being controlled by him and he probably won't stop. If she continues hanging out with other guys he'll either calls it quits or keeps trying to control her, and if he tries to controlling her she'll probably call it quits. No matter what for their relationship to make their has to be some major reform on her boyfriends part to make that relationship last

    • ladies ladies, they are both insecure based on what I have read and it appears to me that is why they are attracted to each other. They fill the void of insecurity in the other's life.. my opinion not healthy

  • It's not normal.
    He is jealous type, meaning he's not confident on his own personalities that actually attracted you to be together with him, and he thinks that it doesn't last long for him.
    BUT watch out, he might be controlling in the future marriage. OBSSESSION

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    • I think someone might have cheated on him in the past and this is why he is like this. But I wish he would at least let me text my friends. Other then his extreme jealousy he has great qualities. He really is sweet and supportive. I haven't had the best life but he doesn't judge me. He always tries to make me feel happy and boost my confidence since I have self esteem issues. But you really think if I continue with him things will get ugly?

  • I personally wouldn't accept that from a partner. I would feel controlled rather than trusted. But I think it is up to you to decide how you feel about it, and then act on those feelings.

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  • Some guys are just jealous like that. Change the contacts in your phone to girls' names and erase any conversations before you meet up with him. Hide these friends from him if you want to stay with him because there is generally no coaxing a guy out of this suspicious mindset. This is the game.

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    • I don't know why he is like that though I've never given him a reason to be so distrustful but I guess it has nothing to do with me. It's him. He said when a girl is his it's his. End of story

    • Ha thats funny, reminds me about that beyonce song, if you like it then you shoulda put a leash on it, or something like that.

    • I like that song lol but I don't know what to do. I'm so confused

  • I think that is a red flag. I think it is important in my opinion to not flirt with other girls or guys when in a relationship, but it is important to be friends with many people of both genders. I would run far and soon. RED FLAG... Unless you enjoy being controlled...

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    • I'm not weak as u put it. But we've only talked about this by text and I want to talk to him in person and try to come to a compromise before I make a decision on what to do. Talking in person is a lot better then by text and a lot clearer. I'm not being weak. I want to have all the facts before I decide to stay or leave. Nothing wrong with that.

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    • I am sorry. I know I am being pessimistic. Unfortunately in my experience pessimism seems to be realism more often than not. I really do wish you the best. And even despite your insecurities, based on our short conversation you seem like a nice girl.

    • It's alright you don't need to apologize. I know everyone is just worried about me. But even though I'm insecure I can make the right decision and I don't stand violence of any kind. My mother was verbally and physically abused by my stepfather and a promise I made to myself was that I would never stand for that. We only talked about this by text and I'm the type to think face to face conversations are more productive. If he doesn't come to a compromise or becomes violent I will end it. And you're right more often then not more bad things happen then good in life. And reality is harsher. I know more then most because I've had a bad life but I don't want to lose hope just yet. He deserves to explain himself and I deserve to at least have all the facts before I make a choice. Thanks for calling me a nice girl because I am. And I can tell you're a nice guy too.

  • i also having a friend girls her boyfrd told him to not to text or hangout but he love to talk me if he is not around
    your boyfriend is not doing well with you it sound that you are restricted by him

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  • I think this would be an appropriate response,..
    41.media.tumblr.com/.../...sosLMJ1r3domko1_500.png

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    • Appropriate response for who

    • "My bf doesn't want me to have guy friends or talk or text them. Is this ok?"
      -@Asker

      It would be an appropriate response to what your boyfriend said...

    • Ohhh

  • It's not normal at all. He's insecure and thinks you're going to leave him so he's trying to control you. He definitely has some shit he has to work on

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    • Is there any way he can change his mind later on?

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    • I feel like the relationship is still to fresh for me to tell him that. I'm just scared of getting a fight with him this early on but I really don't want to give up my friends. I feel like he wants my whole world to just be him

    • Couples fight. It happens. But honestly, just based off of this, of this is how he treats you, then maybe it isn't going to work. Tell him flat out how you feel. If you don't want to be in a relationship with a person who can't respect you and trust you enough to let you be friends with people you are friends with then that isn't your problem and you shouldn't deal with it.

  • No he is to worried about you leaving him then

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    • Is that bad

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    • I'm with a guy and we already talked about what we both want and were are just talking on line and now on Sunday we are going out for first time and after we are going to fuck

    • Sorry working person

  • I'm going to read between the lines here.

    Have YOU done anything with these 'friends' that might of made him feel paranoid?

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    • No I haven't. They're like my brothers. I think he was cheated on and this is why he is like this

  • based on the stuff i usually read here you can't even trust your own shadow

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    • So it's ok for him to ask that

  • He is insecure, and if you're okay with it then live with it. If not then it's time to move on...

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    • I guess he is. He always commenting on how beautiful I am. And how I could be a model if I wanted to. It's all he talks about. I guess he feels like I'll cheat on him but I wouldn't. I want it to work out

  • he's loyal you should be the same

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  • My gf and I do the same thing but it's reverse. She doesn't want me to talk to girls. I said find, as long as it's fair. So she doesn't talk to any guys. I really don't care if I have any female friends because I never go out anyways.

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    • I thought my bf was the only one who wanted this type of agreement but it's good to know he isn't.

    • As long as he doesn't hurt you or lash out, I see no problem with it as long as you are okay with it. Don't stay in the relationship if he gets out of control.

    • Ok thanks i will do that if he does get out of control. I do like the fact that he won't talk to other girls. So maybe all we need is to have a talk and compromise

What Girls Said 13

  • You already See with this newbie relationship that he is this Control freak, he has even admitted it, and with 'New' it will----Get old real quick.
    To be fair, I can understand Not texting other guys, even if they are Just 'guy friends.' However, speaking to them, just knowing them as causal buds, I don't see the harm in it. And I feel if the shoe were on the other foot, you wouldn't want him pushing other buttons on his end with other girls.
    He may have been in a bad Past relationship and is now being territorial over the one he has with you. And with this being said, it needs to have its limits, or as time goes on, he will be stepping way 'Past' his own boundaries. This will not make for a healthy relationship. There will be War of the roses, Fighting and frothing instead of nurturing and nursing, and in the end, you both will throw in the towel and Time Out.
    Sit him down and have a serious soul mate talk. This needs to be nipped in the bud or it will go on and on. I see the signs, Red flags being raised and who Knows... He could even be the type who 'Raises' his fists when trying to make get his point across.
    Good luck. xx

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    • You're right about me feeling that way if he was pushing buttons with other girls. And I really do feel like he was cheated on badly and that is why he is like this. How do I talk to him about it? And you think he could end up hitting me?:"(

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    • Thank you so much... Glad I could be here for you... I hope everything works out... xx

    • You're welcome and I'm glad too xx

  • If a guy doesn't trust you, then you shouldn't be dating him. Clearly he has insecurities and trust issues. Try telling him you only have eyes for him and boost his confidence a bit with compliments - they go a long way believe it or not. Now, if you were flirting with these guy friends of yours I would understand how he can come to that conclusion but if you aren't then I wouldn't end my social life for one guy.

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    • I'll try complimenting him. Maybe that will make him feel more secure In our relationship. The truth is other then this he is a great guy. I have low self esteem issues and he always compliments me and tells me sweet things. He tells me how great I am and never judges me for being shy and always tries to lift me up. He doesn't like to text but I had a fight with my mother and he send me the sweetest text. Just to make me feel better. One of the things he said was "you're the sweetest and most beautiful girl I have ever seen.. don't let anyone bring you down" He has great qualities it's just this one issue and I know it's a big one but it makes me wonder if it can't be changed later on when he sees I'm loyal and I would never flirt with anyone. Or cheat on him.

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    • I'll compliment him a lot maybe that is what he needs (: he did tell me he was very insecure in high school because he used to have a bunch of acne maybe that is why he is so insecure and feels like I'll cheat. And yes he is very sweet. And aww your relationship is very cute! (: and I will talk to him and I hope we can come to a comprise. But if things get worse I will end it

    • Because I don't want to lose my friends

  • Do you really want a guy who is so controlling? There is nothing wrong with texting guys. I bet he has girls whom he talks to. In my opinion you shouldn't succumb because you can do whatever you like. That's not the protective or jealous type that is just the selfish type. It depends on what he means by talking to guys. If you talk to guys for work or school related subjects then there is nothing wrong with that. However, I do get what he would mean if you talk to other guys just because you like to. If you want a serious relationship with him then try to cool him down a bit and explain the relationships you are in with the other men.

    If not then just leave.

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    • He just doesn't want me to be texting other guys or hanging out with them. Even if they are just friends. He doesn't understand why I would want to when I have him for all that

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    • Let me know how you go :)

    • Will do (:

  • Well I wish my boyfriend could be a little insecure like that, so i know that he actually scared to lose me. anyway, it's not good if he stops you from having any guys friend and you can't even text them. This is too controlling. It's good that he loves you that's why he's so insecure but you have to have a talk with him girl.

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    • Our Relationship Is So Fresh I Don't Know If It's To soon To have this talk. I don't want to have a fight. But I guess I should. I just asked him if I could at least text but he said no. That No Guys At all. Because I'll be the only girl in his life. That why would he need other girls to talk to or hangout with if he has me. But why would you want your bf to be a little insecure?

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    • Thanks n good luck girl!

    • You're welcome and good luck to you too girl!

  • Why dont you introduce him to your male friends that way he will be less insecure, i had a bf who had female friends it made me insecure, he would text, ring them, even pop in for coffee, he introduced them to me, now they are my friends too, i dont think he is cheating on you, just insecure in himself, dont let him control you though, dont give up friendships for him, dont change the names in your phone to females names coz if he found out he will def think you are hiding something always be honest with him, relationships are built on trust , tell him he can get to know your male friends and he has to learn to trust you if he wants a relationship with you

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    • He is very possessive and he told me I can't have any guy friends. Because I would be the only girl he texts or hangouts out with. I could introduce them but I feel like he would get mad at me. I know he has trust issues but I'm scared of how he will react. But I really don't want to lose my friends

  • I don't think it is normal. You can have male friends, I don't see any problem about it. Of course you will have. It is healthy and happy natural behavior. You are not flirting with them. That is another thing.
    Your bf seems like controlling person. He will control your no matter what, whatever you do. Do you want to be controlled like that? I guess you are annoyed too. Talk to him. This type of behavior brings you nowhere. Relationships are based on trust. He needs to trust you.

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    • We have a date Saturday and I'm going to have serious talk with him. I don't want to just dump him without talking to him in person to try and change his mind or come to a compromise. We've only talked in txts about this

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    • Exactly. Most everyone wants me to just dump him but he deserves to explain himself and for us to talk face to face about it. Because I a text you can't really talk clearly

    • By sorry typo

  • I am one of those girls who is basically surrounded by guy friends. I've always made it clear that thats just my personality you just need to let him know that he can trust you. But then also think from his perspective. If you always noticed him messaging other girls would you be okay with it? Its just preference. Try compromising too, as in, tell him that you will give up texting your other friends even though its changing who YOU are just for him but you'd much rather him believe you're faithful.

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    • No I wouldn't be ok with it. But you're right we do need a compromise. And I will tell him that thanks

    • Its no problem. I understand you don't want an interference with your relationship and so in your mind your making up reasons for it to be okay. And if you feel that strongly about your relationship then it makes it perfectly fine. However, he shouldn't make you have to choose.
      Good luck though!

    • I just need to talk to him in person before I make I choice. Up until now we only touched the subject by text. And I feel face to face is clearer. But thanks (:

  • well you have to get him to trust you and if he doesn't trust you then sweetie you will be miserable i hope this helps you.

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    • I will try and get him to trust me maybe then he will see I'm loyal

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    • @Thalsthal sorry wrote your name wrong

    • I keep doing it lol sorry I just so nervous by what everyone is saying I can't focus

  • umm i think its a bit much in my opinion i mean you need to talk about it cuz thats a big red flag of an abusive relationship. but to let him feel secure you can offer to let him go through your phone

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    • Ok thanks for the advice

  • How extreme does this get? Watch for other red flags of control freak behavior. Does he ask about every thing you do for the day, and he seems suspicious, overly critical, or it starts to resemble an interrogation? If yes to any, run for your life!

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    • No he never criticizes me on anything. He actually does the opposite and always compliments me on everything. He knows I have self esteem issues and he does everything he can to bring my confidence up. He never interrogates me on anything. And he doesn't want to know every little detail of what I do. Aside from this he is amazing to me. This is the only issue

  • No, that is not okay. He can't treat you like that!

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  • he's my type of guy. i know it's not normal. im not normal anyway...

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    • Why is he your type of guy?

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    • You're saying every guy could do that in the heat of the moment? I'm getting scared :/

    • Every guy does not hit girls in the heat of the moment. I would never hit a girl no matter what and I never have! Only angry guys who do not have self control do that.

  • He's being a control freak.

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