Borderline, anyone here experience with dating a girl ( or guy ) with borderline, how did it affect you?

[ReneDS]

shrink4men.wordpress.com/.../

i suspect a girl I've dated for a month of having borderline traits, anyone experiecen with dating borderlines, especially women, how did thez behave, and make you feel

[CasaNorba]

i never dated any one with borderline but i sure as hell was raised by a person who's had it all her life. till this day i struggle on living a normal life thanks to her. i can write a book on the nightmare i lived the whole first 23 years of my life. now i'm 27 years old and i bet if it wasn't for her i would of probably be the most successful person in my whole family.

also both of my older brothers were in relationships with borderline bitches, they even had their first kids them and boy did that fucked up my family. i wouldn't wish a person with borderline not even to my worst enemies. hell i dont even date do to the fact that i fear into running into a chick with borderline. i dont know if its just me but the majority of the women i've ran into seem to haver borderline. oh that is right! it is more common in women, so more reason for me to fear the dating world

[ReneDS]

yeah, i agree with you im sorry for you. Borderlines seem to be able to move on with their lifes, and completely destroy others. i suspect this girl of having borderline as well, we never had any problems, and she telling me we can't be together, out of the blue, came as a shock. we had tons of fun, never an arguement, she has mood swings and can't make any decissions, but yet tries to stay in controll. it really doesn't bother her that her behaviour tears me apart, if i could turn back time, i would have acted differently, not as nice, it really hurts me a lot that all of a sudden i dont excist to her anymore. women are prone to borderline because they tend to look for abusive men, and develop borderline afterwards, so nice guys actually get fcked

[CasaNorba]

its all cool. but yea bro you are correct all the way. getting to the point i say just try to let her go and save yourself all the chaos from plaguing your life. trust me, you dont deserve that.

but one thing that i have learn is that women with borderline are always the ones that appear as the "good, sweet and innocent daddy's little girls". you gotta be on the lookout for these ones. you must pay close attention to the way they behave and express themselves. does she blame all her Exs, friends and family for her flaws and mistakes in life? is she getting emotionally attached to you even though you two just started dating? these are just a few signs that she is another borderline clone.

[ReneDS]

well she seemed really into me, telling me, you are being loved, sending me hearts daily, pictures of her, even in the beginning of her vacation. then she grew quiet, the day she would arrive back with her daughter, she texted me that we can't be together. been trying to talk to her, what is going on, and sometimes she seems to be willing to talk but later doesn't talk. she completely shuts herself off, now she blocked me on social media, and acts like the happiest girl on the world. even after she told me we can't be together, she gave me looks and flirted with me. she sometimes doesn't act like she doesn't care, yesterday , she had her birthday, i didn't say her a damn thing, she made a picture of herself with a necklace she has gotten from someone.. normally she isn't very open about it, telling me she wants to celebrate her birthday alone, i feel like she is lying 24-7 . its all about her, and because of the way she looks she gets plenty of attention, but she's shallow and empty

[dragonfly6516]

@CasaNorba if you don't mind me being so bold, I'm surprised you don't have it yourself, being that it's "inflicted" on you by your environment, especially when a caregiver has it. But sadly you were essentially trained to seek out women like that being raised by one :( I feel for you. My birth mother is Histrionic which is essentially genetic BPD, and my adoptive mother caused the BPD in me being co-dependent.

[CasaNorba]

yea man, those are another big signs. sending you nonstop love text etc now than doing the total opposite days later. but like i said just move on let herself figure her own self out

[CasaNorba]

@dragonfly6516 yea, sometimes i asked myself that same question to. but i'm not lying when i tell you that i did suffer from anxiety and chronic depression starting all in high school. i use to get 2 to 3 panic attacks a weeks and all. but yea that is the reason why i avoid dating now because fear into letting a borderline broad in my life.

[dragonfly6516]

I don't blame you. My ex goes to therapy still for help dealing with what I put him through. I was truly a horrid b***h until I got help. Looking back, I'm terrified of becoming her again. I hope our friend here will heed this advice and get out before this girl really hurts him. It's sad, but there is nothing anyone can do for her until she decides she both wants and needs it.

[CasaNorba]

@dragonfly6516 wow, i though i would never hear a person with borderline admit their flaws and feeling of remorse. but that is a major plus knowing and admitting that you have it and knowing what you are capable of. most borderline people are egoistic and adamant and believe that they are sane and everybody else around them are insane.

so i say to keep up the good work you done and try to help those who were once like you

[dragonfly6516]

Oh don't be fooled, I AM just like all of them, except that I sought out help. I've been in therapy of some kind or other my whole life, and was misdiagnosed several times. I knew I wasn't right in the head, but I wanted to be loved and accepted. This desire forced me to seek proper treatment. BUT I had to hit absolute rock bottom first. And until I started getting better, I was NOT capable of realizing just how wrong and messed up I was. I had to experience sanity for a while to be aware of my own insanity. And there is no cure. I will be engaged in a lifelong battle to maintain control over myself. Also having a psych major who is also a highly functional schitzoeffective as a best friend helped a lot.

[ReneDS]

i just can't figure out what makes her think this way. i believe in the good in persons but she simply sees not to care about it at all, i even bet that when she sees me with another girl being happy, she will not like it.

[ReneDS]

what is the best thing i can do to make things right, that we at least have an open line of communication... how do borderline woman respond to jealousy? or seeing their victims happy with someone else, while thy are seeing others themselves

[KatherineCutie]

Dude do you really think these "chicks" choose to be sick do you really think they are happy about being torn apart by emotions triggered by other people and then having to take the shit everyone says about borderlines.. people with bpd are not automatically bad people if you treat them good they will treat you good if you treat them like shit they will for sure want revenge

[CasaNorba]

"people with bpd are not automatically bad people if you treat them good they will treat you good"

I must say @KatherineCutie I disagree with this one with a fury passion. till this day you have no idea how much I and a lot of other people such as my step father and my brothers have tried to help my mom out while trying to reason with her in her chaotic actions yet she still puts us down one way or another thus pushing us away with her "its ether my way or no way! " type of attitude.

I'm sorry if I sound inhuman to you but to me people with borderline are not humans at all. you guys have no...

- empathy
- remorse
- compassion
- feelings

for others, but what's even worst is that they expect other people to have it for them.

[dragonfly6516]

@KatherineCutie Do YOU have BPD, and know that you have it? There's a very specific reason I'm asking.

BPD is extremely hard to diagnose, especially is children, especially in females. It's most often mishandled, and improperly diagnosed as Bipolar.

I didn't know what was actually wrong with me until I was 28 years old, and my therapists began using a VERY different set of strategies with me.

The younger you are at time of diagnosis, the better your chances of a normal to semi-normal life.

Mental health studies have advanced since we were your age, and thus treatment and prognosis are better for people your age, since they actually know what to look for now, and are better equipped to treat, instead of simply medicating.

[dragonfly6516]

@casanorba while I don't blame you at all for feeling how you do, I want to argue one point:

We did have compassion and feelings, BUT our rigid thought patterns make it very easy for us to just rationalize that the other person is so horrible and terrible, that we shouldn't have to feel bad about hurting them after we perceive that they have hurt us. Any normal reaction on your/their part is perceived by us as confirmation to us, as you're now likely rightfully offended, and reacting to that how anyone should.

In short, we project what we are feeling onto everyone around us and act as if everyone ia feeling how we are feeling, and that our thoughts are valid, even when they're completely irrational.

I'm not making excuses to justify or rationalize, just pointing out that we literally don't understand what we're doing wrong in many cases.

[dragonfly6516]

**we DO have feelings

... wow phone, really?

[CasaNorba]

@dragonfly6516 wow never thought I hear a borderline express him/herself that way in a million year! I sure wish my mom would of operate this way just so my childhood wouldn't be as chaotic as it was. but yea besides my mom thinking she's the only human being with feelings in this world she also has Jupiter size ego moderate OCD which practically doesn't help out with her BPD symptoms.

anyways how do I know you're not just acting nice? because my I think reason why my mom is not a Hollywood actress today was because she never knew how to get into acting

[dragonfly6516]

@Casanorba If you read my responses to other people, and even search me around the site, you'll see me fully admitting to the horrible things that I've done over the course of my life. I was a one point a vey unstable toxic person. I could become her again at any time if I don't work hard every day.

BPD can actually set in at nearly any time, and the sooner you catch it, the easier it is to treat and potentially cure. But I was a baby when I was first dealt the care that would warp my brain, so there won't ever be a cure for me.

[dragonfly6516]

Trust me when I say, it's hard to not be that person, and that I don't want to be that person. Consequences motivate me to stay in check. I'm not rich, and I'm not "hot", so I can't get away with murder like other Borderlines can.

I wanted help and treatment, and I always go back if I feel myself slipping. That's really the only answer I can give as an online stranger. And I'm not offended if you don't believe me.

We don't change until we've run out of pawns to use, and broken all of our toys. Rock bottom is the only cure.

[TTberno]

I have borderline and I will never forgive myself what I did to my girlfriend. She is the most loving person on earth but I destroyed her with my behavior. After our break up we were both in separate mental clinics. We are back together now and Im in therapy, thank god its getting better now.

The problem is that so many people fall in love with people with bpd because we give other people a lot attention and they mean the world to us. But as soon as the relationship gets extremely intense, we find something to destroy it.

[dragonfly6516]

I've got BPD, and I had to swear off dating until I got help. I was married when I found out, and I still hate myself on several levels for what I did to him. He has forgiven me, and he's ok now, but I know he still has emotional scars. DON'T blame yourself for anything she does, because she has her free will. Don't make excuses for her. Don't let her break the boundaries you set to protect yourself. It's not your job to fix her, and she won't get help until she is ready. Depending on how old she is and how aware of herself, she could be ready for help or nowhere close. If it's the latter, it might be better to get away. BPD is caused by environmental factors, and it is very possible for her to turn you into her.

[ReneDS]

we have talked before, it really hurts me a lot, and it makes me angry seeing all the attention she gets, just because she looks good, i do get attention as well but im always struggling to make things work, like with her, and then this. she really doesn't seem to give a damn about me right now

[dragonfly6516]

I wasn't sure if I remembered you or not, I'm still working with 2 other guys in your situation. I really think you need to let her go and save yourself. She's consistently hurting you and as much as you care, right now it's only going to drag you down with her.

[bubble_tea]

No, but when I look uped the symptoms for borderline, I realized my formerly best friend has it. I'm no longer on speaking terms with her, because she made me feel like a nuisance she had to deal with.

[Unluckyloner]

My ex friend used to make me feel this way and people thought she had borderline too. Our friendship ended because she backstabbed me for a guy.

[ReneDS]

the problem with borderline individuals is that they most of the times don't get diagnosed. they dont see themselves as a person who has some problems. yeah sometimes they do but it never lasts long. you can't help these people. they see themselves as the most awesome persons, in my honest opinion there isn't much of a difference between them and narcisists. but in reality they are sad, lonely and petathic individuals. i know it sounds hatefull calling them petathic but they truly are. my ex girlfriend threw me into a depression. i got insult after insult, treat after treat. every time i tried to reconnect i got shoved into the ground even deeper. the people she hangs around with are totally obvloious to her behavior. she uses people and lets herself be used, that hurts the most. i loved her, but other guys are aware that she is a serial cheater, and she sees no risks in her having unprotected sex. my advise stay far away from people like that, it ruins, seeing them ruining their own life.

[Anonymous]

Yes I dated a guy who I’m pretty sure is borderline and ni polar. He would accept the bipolar but get very upset when I mention bpd. He would drive 45 min to kneel on the floor crying for me not to leave him whenever we would fight. This is fear of abandonment major bpd characteristic. He was controlling obsessive and literally drove me crazy the 1st year of dating. But I wanted to help him and I fell in love with him. Or I least it felt like love. I don't know it fucked with me pretty bad. I had to get my own therapy afterwards. He started cheating a lot. He was secretive about it at first but then pretty open. He’d treat really bad and then apologize and promise he loved me. Treat me really good for a few weeks and then torture me again. He’d cheat I find out leave him and he’d beg for me back and then cheat again. Then I guess I wasn’t his favorite anymore he just moved on. It was like an addiction I kept waiting for the high.
I don’t think that anyone who hasn’t been in a relationship like this could ever understand. It’s all manipulation but it works. You keep trying to please them to make them happy bc they can be extra loving and affectionate more than regular people. It’s so good it’s like a drug high, then they take it away to punish you. They play back and forth until one day they just drop you and move on. It hurts like hell. It makes no sense even to you. You know you’re better off without them but you want them back. It’s a crazy mind game.

[wc444]

I dated a woman with BPD last year. Things were great at first, but as we became closer emotionally, it just became too hard for her to process her feelings. She started cutting again and became depressed. We had to stop seeing each other romantically. I still love her. We are very good friends and we talk almost every day, but, for her sake, I know things can never go back to the way they were.

[ReneDS]

i feel your pain man, but it simply won't work, these people need therapy and for years. it will never go away but they will learn to deal with it. My ex girlfriend didn't cut herself, at least never saw her doing that, but she does other irresponsible things. if i see how she raises her daughter, her daughter knows every bad word in the book. i never been treated with such disrespect by a person as by her. i could do nothing right. always black and white thinking, if i didn't make her pregnant, which was her fault as well, she never told me she stopped taking bc pills, if i didn't told her i loved her, and asked her to be my girlfriend, i could have been on good terms with her right now, but as it is right now, im not. she hates me and probably will never stop hating me. there is no point in loving or caring for these people. it will only ruin you, im not the same person i was. i used to be fun, relaxed, now im pretty agressive and depressed. it doesn't take much to make me explode out of anger

[Roarke]

i simply reminded myself how i felt ten minutes before i even knew she existed, then i shitcanned her and never looked back.

[ReneDS]

yeah im capable of the same if i didn't have to see her smirky face every day, i really feel like making her pay, but at the same time, i still have feelings for her, thats the only thing holding me back. i want us to be on friendly terms but she seems to care less about, we work at the same place... so i find it very childish of her to act this way

[Roarke]

oh shit don't ever get involved with a co-worker under any circumstances ever. that being said, be prepared for her to say out of the blue she's sorry she didn't mean to 'mislead' you or some garbage like that. ditch the bitch, ditch the feelings. that's about the only thing i can tell you.

[ReneDS]

she won't say that, i gave her plenty of chances to talk to me, she never did, she didn't decline these chances but she didn't seem open either

[Roarke]

ok that's pretty cool.. the two of you are on par... your achilles heel is your feelings, which could come back to hurt you if they affect your productivity on the job. in that case your supervisors might use a spot performance rating to fire you. i'm not busting your chops, just saying be very careful.

[msc545]

Women with Borderline are extremely dangerous.