How can I attract decent men, what am I doing wrong?

So I am a shy girl. I am kind and supportive as a gf. I do get attached to guys easily so I get hurt alot. After one date with a guy an 3 weeks went by he said I am not. normal. for texting and calling him to see me again an has a busy job an admitted he hadno time for. me. today. He cut all. contact.

I've dated one nice guy but he was too young to settle so it ended he dumped. me two years ago.

I then dated a guy who tried to say he loved me after 3 weeks an he wanted just sex even thought fingering me meant he took my virginity. He treated me badly an was an ass. Quite narcissistic too.

Then i dated a guy who seemed like sociopath. Out for himself an such a user. Also tried controlling. me. To be honest these guys did mess my head up.

Guy I liked recently I told I love him an he was like wtf you dont know me. I dont know what love is due. to these bad experiences. I really did. like this. guy but he admitted he has no time for anything with me or for me.

I was naive in past but I do feel scared of ending up alone. I get a lot of attention mainly. for sex. I dont meet or come in contact with good men. People say its. my fault but I am a good person who is sensitive. But gets. clingy too soon so guys never stick around long
Longest bf I had was 4 months. People around me are engaged married, moved in with bf or having babies. I really want all that I feel like I am. not. meant to be happy. in love. I am very unlucky in love and its made. me upset tonight as I sit here alone. in bed wondering why guys hate me.

First guy I liked in 8months. No longer talks to me an doesn't wantto know any more about me. I feel so sad like I am not. good enough or lovable. Guys flirt, whistle, ask for my number but majority dont want a gf or me. maybe.

I dont go out. looking for guys or party anymore. I just work and spend time with family. My sis and bro have settled down. I am 21 but already I feel like mr right isn't out there :( I give up


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Don't wear your heart on your sleeve, make a man work for your love and care for him. If you do feel yourself getting too attached too soon, just keep that to yourself and don't act on it and show a guy that your clingy. You need to build some self confidence and independence, I think you need to try and learn not to rely on the attention of a guy to make you feel secure. Then, a guy will be attracted to you because you are you and secure in that, and won't be scared off by quickly becoming clingy. Bad guys won't see you as a vulnerable target then either.

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    • Yeah I agree I went after a guy recently an found out. It was all in my head an I kept pursuing thinking he liked. me and was shy but I realise I didn't make him work to get me or to see me. I was too available an clingy an it. didn't make me appealing

What Guys Said 8

  • Well firstly you say you're a shy girl. There is no problem in being shy but there is a point where you can be too shy and guys end up not knowing if you interested in them or not. The fact you are kind and supportive is really good, us guys get fed up with girls that cause drama and just act like the world revolves around them. It seriously makes us want to pull our hair out. When we see a girl like you we are attracted to you. The only thing I would say to you at this point is there is a difference between being nice and kind and letting yourself get used and treated badly. Don't let yourself get used and treated badly but be nice at the same time. I know what it is like to get attached to people easily, I get attached to girls easily and get hurt a lot to. I would not take what that guy said about you being not normal for texting and calling him to see when you can meet up again too seriously. He cut contact with you because of that? He is not normal. Honestly I would be so flattered if a girl was the first one to make the move like that. As for nice guys well they are usually shy I think, but you should give more nice guys a chance. As for the guy that wanted sex and I am not saying this is your fault because he should not have been nasty just trying to give you a tip. If you are not ready to go the full way with a guy and have sex my advice would be not to let him finger you. As for the next guy just remember you deserve basic respect and honesty, everybody does. Ill be honest it sounds like you are attracting the wrong type of guys. If you don't mind me asking where are you meeting guys? Because the place matters.

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    • Hun as for telling the guy you loved him, well that is usually said when you know the person well and have been dating and you get on with them and you are excited to see them. Saying you love a guy to a guy you do not know yet makes him think just that how can she love me I don't even know you. I am not trying to judge just explain. In the future you would better to use the word like, save the word love till your in a relationship. I know what the fear of staying alone is like I feel the same. I just hope we both find our soul mates one day. As for not meeting the good men that comes a lot down to where you are going to meet men. You sound like the exact type of character as me to be honest, I am a good person that gets attracted far too fast and I have to watch I do not cling too fast to. So I do understand. Try not to let it worry you what others are doing with their partners because if you do you will only end up upset all the time. I know it is hard, very hard.

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    • Yeah people say that an I am aware of it I dont party anyway

    • Did you know the best type of place to meet a good partner for both genders is like in hobby clubs etc.

  • The problem is that you need to find guys like you, shy clingy loyal loving etc.
    However, I face the same problem and it's very hard to find a shy person when you are shy yourself... I don't go to parties because that isn't who I am, if I met a girl there it probably wouldn't last because that is not something I can just do every week why bother hooking up with someone so different...

    Life is lonely for people like us sometimes, but once you do find someone you will probably have a very good long relationship.

    Another note, I don't actually believe that one guy took your virginity, while some sources state that virginity is defined by the hymen breaking, I find this is a very "loose" definition (no pun intended) because the hymen can be broken by various objects or even activities. Virginity is more of an emotional thing kinda like the idea of "love" that you get to choose the definition of :) I think it's safe to say though that most people would probably still consider you a virgin.

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    • Yeah my shyness doesn't affect talking to guys but I am not forward at first. I think it would be overbearing two clingy people lol. Yeah I agree very much a virgin that guy was crazy

    • Sometimes people don't really go for the right person... While you may talk to guys generally the guys who "stand out" aren't really the ones you would want, sometimes the sweetest apple is at the bottom of the barrel.

      Also I don't really think two clingy people would be a bad thing, it really depends on how they manage it, it takes us a lot less time to find out if we are actually compatible with someone so it may seem like the relationship just "burns out" when in reality we just find out they aren't meant for us sooner :)

      Either way though sometimes you just gotta be patient, the worst thing you can do is get impatient and start rushing relationships. Find something that makes you truly happy and maybe that will lead you to meeting your future partner :D

    • I agree usually the cocky ones have an ugly heart

  • well you're 21. super damn young. I wouldn't sweat it which is why I won't have to say more :) ^-^

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    • Hi there. I am worried guys dont want me :/

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    • any time you want/need it ^-^

  • you have no clue how many girls go through the same. AT 21.. you are really young. The fact that you are bieng asked out and considered sexy means that there is nothing wrong with how you look.

    I think it is a matter of self esteem... codependence.

    Remember at 21 in the western world.. guys are just... kids...

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    • Do they really. I've dated 25,29,22 aged males still seem like. kids at that age too. yEah I agree self esteem

    • well.. when i mean kids at that age.. i mean that they dont want to commit much. but i agree as well that sometimes even men older wouldn't be easy to commit.

    • Yeah I agree

  • You're just 21 so no need to sweat it. And truth be told, guys don't like clingy girls, it's a sign of insecurity. Focus more on building your character. Things like integrity, honesty, hard work are "universally attractive". If you have a blameless reputation, no one will even dare to point a finger at you. If you have no confidence in yourself, how do you expect others to have confidence in you? Those are the things that will make any guy wanna be with you forever. Hope this was helpful.

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  • by being decent yourself,

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  • Most guys in general just want one thing, and that is sex, unfortunately.

    Good guys are always there around you. You just have to pay attention to them if you are lucky to find them.

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    • He wasn't even after that. Never had energy to have sex with me lol

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    • Ohh I cannot send you a message because you haven't followed me haha

    • I followed u..

  • Depends on how you look like. And your age. You are 22, you still have the potential to attract a lot of bad guys who only want you for one thing. The good guys don't really come out until after 25. They don't have enough confidence from teens to early 20's because the bad boys are ruling like how the dinosaurs were ruling the world in the Mesozoic Era.

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