Been seriously depressed over boys for the past 3 years?

So I started my first year of university met this guy and fell in love and it ended badly due to something I DID.

I pushed him away and haven't found someone sense... I try so hard to move on but I have nothing to move on to. All the boys I meet now just want to sleep with me no guy ever bothers to get to try to get to know me. I am just a booty call to them or a hot girl and it makes me so depressed. ( I never sleep with them but that's how they treat me).

I can't get over this guy and it's been 3 years and I just feel like I never will.

I am 21 and really need some help.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • You have soul ties with your ex. There are desires and fantasies, imaginations that are still in your mind, causing you to long for him.

    How much of those things are you sure are real? Our hearts so often deceive us.

    Are you in touch with your gut feeling? What is it saying about your ex?

    You have two options, nay, three. One, you can go back to him. You may realize that those longings you have will be partially, or totally unfulfilled.

    Two, you can exist as you have been, and let time erase that connection. You may have to help.

    Or, three, you can take a total mental inventory of yourself, (I recommend praying and asking God) get in touch with your instincts, learn to ignore your heart, and find out the truth about the way you feel. It may benefit you to give your undying love to someone possibly more worthy. I highly recommend you seek God on this one.

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    • He moved to another city I can never see him again and haven't for 6 months

    • I still live in the same city though and everywhere I go I am reminded of him I am just so sick of it it's driving me mental

    • He moved to another city but you live in the same city?

      Three years later you are still obsessed?

      You need closure. You need to find him, and talk to him. Get your closure.

What Guys Said 2

  • I think it's a mistake to think in terms of "I have nothing to move on to".

    It's like you expect or want someone else to fix your broken heart. And that is probably one of the reasons why you feel broken. You wait around for this to happen. You need to do this yourself. You shouldn't enter a relationship because you need one, you should do it because you want it. There is a great difference between need and want.

    The void you feel inside will not be filled by someone else. Other people might be able to distract you from this but eventually you will just feel empty again unless you start to fill this void yourself.

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    • I'm working on it but any recommendations on how to fill this void? I have always felt like I needed a guy to like and looking back on my life I have always been into the dramatic movies where the boy and girl lose each other bla bla and find out that they're in love ( I know it sounds stupid but I am really trying to figure out why this keeps happening to me) Because before this almost the same exact thing happened with another guy in high school and I ended up liking him for 4 years too... like I just like guys for so long and become fixated on them (certain guys) I have only ever seriously liked 3 guys in my life and they all lasted around the same time. One in elementary which lasted years one in highschool and one in college... I never did tell any of them how I felt either and I seem to have this pattern going for me.

    • I think the first step is to realise that love is not something that is given to you by others.

      You sound like a romantic.
      The drama you are talking about is likely conditional love. It has to be difficult, "earned", demonstrated and dictated. It's often possessive. It's the romantic version that is often a very confused state where people think the action, the word or thing is the actual love and that the love is not there unless those things are present.

      Love is a state of being, not a feeling or an action.
      The point of my ramblings is that I'm trying to bring some clarity.

      Love is not hard, it doesn't have to be earned or given to you by others. You have it all along but you have just forgotten.

  • Sometimes it takes a long time to get over someone you truly loved. It's good that you don't sleep with these guys who just want to use you. Do you have any hobbies like music, hiking or things like that? You may stand a better chance at meeting someone who appreciates you for being you by finding someone with a common interest.

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    • I do I have a lot of friends and get out a lot but it's just I keep feeling so empty and depressed all the time and I can't understand it. I am good at putting up a face and I am the "fun friend" in my group so no one ever knows and it's not like they would want to hear about some guy from 3 YEARS ago.

    • How about asking your friends if they know someone they can hook you up with?

What Girls Said 2

  • Honestly, i went through that and my friend is going through out. You can't simply move on (for all those telling you to) because its hard. Id say talk to him. You dont want to regret it. Trust me

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    • I can't there's no option of talking to him he's gone

    • there's always a way.., is there any way of contacting him?

  • Try to get over it , I was with my boyfriend for 8 years. I broke up with him 3 months ago , We were in a long distance relationship for 3 years. Even if you see each other often trust issues start to take place , It's one thing trying to end a long distance. But I'm not going to second guess things. It's just not me. If a man can't get financially right for a woman in 3 years , He's not the one for me. I know I made the right decision. Some way you have to come to some type of closure. By looking at the whole picture , I know my story is different from yours. But the 3 year thing , The bell went off. You really shed light to my situation in helped , Because their's no way I want to be thinking about someone else who has went on with his. He's gone on with his life , You've to do the same.

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    • I think it is really the lack of closure and the fact that I constantly blame myself for pushing him away. I've took some counselling and it has really helped. I had this image of him that was not real, and I need to really come to terms with it. He wasn't the greatest guy either and hurt me in a lot of ways and didn't have the decency to fight for me he obviously wasn't the one. I find that the longer I don't see him the less I feel for him so it will almost be 7 months now and I reckon by the 12th month I will be completely over him. I went out and met a bunch of guys which is what normally happens but I really tried to not compare these guys this time and it seems like I am healing weird to say.

      Apart of me also didn't want to let go of him... or more so the silly fantasy I had of it because I had held on for so long. I am truly beginning to understand myself now and it took so long.

    • Good for you , By him not treating you well should speed up the process.

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