Non commitment confusion?

I have always been a relationship type of woman. I started seeing someone who said from the beginning he was not ready for a committed relationship. We also have mutual friends and most don't know that we have this secret relationship. He is very sweet when we are together, holds me, gently kisses my forehead, asks about family work, wants me to spend the night, but yeah no commitment. Because our mutual friends don't know, he tends to bring other women to parties or gatherings knowing I will be there. Even tells them he's settling down with certain ones. Am I wrong for feeling some type of way about that? I mean I know he sees other women, but I don't want to see it. If one party decides they are ready for a relationship, should they say something just like when they said they didn't want one in the beginning?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • okay if a guy isn't ready to commit then i would move on and stay friends because by him saying that if he isn't commit in a relationship then he's not gonna commit to most things that people do in a relationship like see each other be open about things all that stuff to me him hiding it from friends okay keep ur guys relationship issues and problems and everything u guys do that you wouldn't want your friends opinion for or judgement keep those things to your guys self you guys don't half to tell anyone ur guys business you can still hang out and say you guys are in a relationship there is nothing that will affect that unless you guys tell your business out to them you have the right to be sad or anyway to me what he is doing isn't right at all even as a friend be considerate of the other persons feelings weather your with them or not respect them until they are fully over it or okay with it or has someone else in the picture i think if you treated him the same way he treated you he will realized what he is doing is wrong and stop because ik he's not gonna like another guy flirting with you even in front of him at gatherings with friends

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    • Thank you exactly what I thought. I understand not wanting people in our business but to act like nothing is going on, like no thought or consideration as to how I would feel is totally wrong committed or not we were seeing each other. He definitely did not like when other guys would flirt with me in front of him, even arguing with one of his good friends about me. He could of let me know he was seeing someone seriously. I gotta hear from other people and see pictures of the two of them on facebook. One day he's calling the next he shows up with another woman. I try not to take it personal because he didn't want to commit with me but commits with all these other women. I have never experienced this before or had any man act in such a way. To top it off the new girlfriend is the cousin of one of our mutual friends. who does that!!!

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    • I definitely will. Thanks girl

What Guys Said 2

  • In my experience, when women say "commitment" they mean are referring to a level of status. (boyfriends are 'committed to girlfriends', but husbands are more 'committed' to wives even if the boyfriend is a better boyfriend than the husband is a husband) This makes no sense to me whatsoever, as "commitment", as any guy can tell you, means a surrender of the freedom to fuck other people.

    He already told you he wanted the freedom to fuck other girls. He might have to (girl version) commit to them to get their pants off, but he isn't going to (guy version) commit to them until he's ready to give up on fucking you.

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    • I say commitment because that's the term that HE used not me. I understand he was going to do his thing with other women, but damn that don't mean I want to See in person these other females he getting with. He has a reputation for being out there. So there is no way that leopard changed his spots in 3 months. I love your honesty and I agree with you. Though he brought this new one in my presence recently, he did the most to make sure I would notice him, but seemed to have an attitude because I partied on like he wasn't there and neither was she. He even hugged me. I don't get this dude.

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    • No, I meant it was weird that you commented that, with a slight rewording, twice, an hour apart. Besides, I understood that he was the one who had chosen that word. (you said so in the question) I only made the suggestion of avoiding it generally because you were involved in that conversation. If somebody describes something about your relationship with them in an imprecise manner, you can ask them to clarify.

    • I did that because I hit submit but I wanted to add more to it is all. I'm going to move on let it go and wish him well. Im wasting my time which is something I can't get that back when he could care less. Thanks

  • Just be honest about it, communication is most important.

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    • Exactly. That's my whole thing. Just tell me what it is. Don't just show up with another woman and I gotta hear about you and her from other people. That's not how you do people regardless of the status of the relationship. You don't want a commitment, or you don't want one with me just be honest, either way its his loss.

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    • Opinion Owner you are right making it a secret was a mistake, and I do have feelings for him. He seems to be happy without any thought of me, so I have to just distance myself sort through those feelings and try to get over him. I have to just take it for what it was and chalk it up as a lesson learned because I really think he could care less how I feel.

    • And two can play that game

What Girls Said 0

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