Is 17 (girl) and 22 (guy) too much of an age gap?

Don't judge me. I'm really confused and conflicted. I've known this guy for a few years, and it's always bubbled beneath the surface. This past year, I experienced my first love, star crossed blah blah, doesn't matter. Anyway, I've grown closer to this guy, not like taking advantage of my broken heart, it wasn't like that. We were growing closer even before... Bad things. So we're at this awkward stage where I think we like each other, but we feel wrong, so we pretend we don't. Everyone sees through it. We see through it. And I've had so many people of every age say seriously and jokingly that we'll get married someday. But he's 22! And I know he feels wrong. I was still physically a child when we met while he was adult, and though I'm adult now it's weird. Help me!!!

  • No, it's not too much.
    55% (12)58% (14)57% (26)Vote
  • Wait until you're 18.
    45% (10)42% (10)43% (20)Vote
  • 5 years is too much.
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And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy
Updates:
I guess I should've said this, but I fully intend to wait til 18 to do anything. This more of a "Is 18/23 ok?" question than would it be ok now.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • It's not too much but double check your state laws. Wait till you're of the age of consent, which differs depending on the state and the age difference. That way there is no way for him to possibly get in legal trouble.

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    • 18 is AoC, which I planned on waiting until then. He obviously intends to. Sex won't really be an issue, anyway. We're kinda both "innocent" haha

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    • Thanks for most helpful.

    • Yep :)

What Guys Said 11

  • 5 years is a big gap for the age you're currently at. At 17 you're in high school looking at colleges, may or may not of even had a first job, and not even an adult yet. He's 22. At that age he's done the male equivalency of everything you're going through and is old enough to have finished his undergrad. After high school a five year gap isn't as big but while you're still living with your parents it definitely is.

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    • He has 2 years of undergrad to go because of another commitment he had made. Regardless, yes, we're in different walks of life, and don't think I don't know that. I totally do, and so does he, hence the awkward. Will it fill in another year or two?

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    • I think you misunderstood... I highly doubt he talks about you sexually to his mom. I was saying if he forgets your 17 when talking to her about other things then he also might when being around you which could lead to some awkward situations. Either way I don't know the guy so I'm not going to make any judgements on him. Once again best of luck!

    • I'm still not exactly sure what you're saying lol :P but I think it was more referencing how mature I am, especially for 17, that I seem closer to 22 than other kids my age.

  • No it's normal

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  • Half your age +7. It's a rule that works every time. 22/2=11. 11+7=18. So yea, too much of a difference

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    • "Rule that works every time" um it depends on the person... relationships won't work purely based on age

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    • Those do. 22/17 don't.

    • Well no

  • As long as you don't plan on going to college there isn't an issue here (if the AOC in your state is 17 or below, that is).

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    • I am going to college, 90% chance the same one as him (not because of him, I want to go there). AoC here is 18, but honestly, that's not an issue. I'm a prude, and I can't foresee him pressuring me to do anything. I'd wait until 18 to pursue him anyway, more for his comfort than mine.

  • Your 17 and what your experiencing now at (17) he already been there. Yes it's 5 years. your going to miss a lot of things and hanging out with your friends and making new ones. Cause your planning your future around this guy. Are you sure he feels the same way about his future with you. He has been through things you haven't went through yet. ... good luck. PS. Your always going to wonder did you make this right choice. And did you miss out on your future husband and settled.

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    • I know, and that's why I'm so lost, and I think it's why he feels wrong. Give it another year it might be ok. Or it might not be. I just don't know.

  • I would wait until 18 only because of the legality issues, other than that that is a reasonable gap.

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  • No it's not

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  • Actually your age of consent don't worry over it

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  • I'm 23 and I like a girl that is 18.. We started talking when she was 17 and I was 22. So, clearly I won't have a problem with it. It's a bit weird for me since this is only the second girl I've "talked" too that is younger than me. Most of my past relationships the girl was older than I was. But I don't see a problem with it... obviously haha

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  • There are plenty of people who are married or in relationships with an age difference. I once had a long-term relationship with someone who was 13 years older than me, and we were very close and related on a personal level. Age is just a number. Yeah 17 and 22 sounds kinda bad, but when it becomes 20 and 25 it sounds completely normal. Don't worry about it if you love this guy then just be with him.

    Well maybe wait until you are 18 to sleep with him... for legal reasons.

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    • No intention to sleep with him for a looooong time lol but funny, you said the exact same thing my aunt keeps saying. Even though she didn't even know I like him.

  • My mom and dad were the same ages you mentioned when they got married and they were together for more of the rest of their lives over 50 years before my dad past away just so you know.

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    • This helps haha :) but it was a different time.

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    • But also there's one thing you don't want to do and that's get yourself trapped by feeling obligated to him. You are not and by all means he should be a man about it and respect your decision.

    • Of course. Just to clarify in case I have to, he has done anything but push me. If anything, I'm the one dropping more hints, and I'm not dropping many. When the time comes, I won't feel obligated. I don't ever haha :P

What Girls Said 11

  • i'm 22, i have a lot of 22 year old guy friends, my sister and her friends are 17. i would tell them to stop being creeps if they were interested in my sister or her friends. there is just something very creepy about a man who feels the need to go for a girl who is still technically a child. it's icky to me. i think you should wait.

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  • I'm seventeen as well, dating and engaged to a college man myself. He's almost a year older though, We are both sure we have met the Love of our life. We met and became best friends when we were a lot younger. Neither of us is sure when we first decided we were in love with the other. Neither (obviously) regrets that we acted on taking our friendship to another level.

    Do you picture him as "The Guy" you will marry? Do you plan on dating others when you are in College? If you do, you free him up to date as well. There is that chance that he or you will find someone else if you date others. Is that something you are willing to live with or take a chance on? If sex before marriage or until later is not going to happen then AoC at any age isn't much of an issue is it? Does it really matter to you? Him? If you're not sure you need to sit down and talk about things.

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    • Honestly, I, can see him long-term, but that doesn't mean I'm not afraid. I could see myself falling for him hard if I let myself, and I know what it's like not to be caught when that happens. I can't go through that again, and with him it's worse. If I screw this up, I lose a friend a really care about. I would never get engaged before college ended, but I'm comfortable with a serious relationship until after. I'm waiting until marriage for sex, so AoC technically doesn't matter, but I think we should wait anyway.

  • @I was still physically a child when we met while he was adult,

    that was the required ingredient for marriage until about 100 years ago.

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  • i am 18 and my boyfriend is 28, we have been going out for 9 months now and are really happy! so long as you like him don't let him go just because of the age! he could be the love of your life!!!

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  • It's a bit too much. I'm 22 and wouldn't date a 17 year old. 5 years matters a lot at 17.

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    • But you are the girl. That changes things.

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    • 20 probably less so. I had already moved across the country and lived on my own for a few years.

    • Across the country? Well now I understand your major transformation. I'm a homebody myself haha

  • Hun, wait until your 18. It makes everything easier, especially in a legal sense. I'm not going to judge. I was 17 in live with a 24 year old.

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  • I don't think it matters to be honest i was 16 and my boyfriend was 22 at the time and we're still together now 10years later

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  • It's fine to me. I was in the exact same place when I was 17. As long as you know that you each have your own lives and etc, I don't see a problem.

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  • You should wait until you graduate

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  • not at all, im 19 my boyfriend is 24, your fine :)!

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    • When did you start dating?

    • a year ago and I was 18 I lied about my age for the first month cause I thought he would think I was too young because at that time I had JUST turned 18, a month into being together I finally told him, and he sort of made a joke like "well its too late now I already really like you" haha

    • and you are absolutely goregous. kudos to your boyfriend for catching you

  • I"m dating a guy that is 22 too!

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