How do I become confident as a late bloomer?

i think i'm a late bloomer, and I haven't kissed a girl yet. I just turned 25. i was total loser in middle school and early high school, but i gradually improved myself. i got better at conversation and started taking care of myself. i don't know when it happened exactly (21,22?), but i guess i'm a decent guy now. I guess this random event began to change how I saw myself:

about 2 years ago, i drove sister's friends to a party. my younger sister's gorgeous sorority roommate sat in my car and told me that a lot of the girls in the sorority secretly gossiped about me. She then began to literally lecture me about how i needed to know i was really, really, really cute and a great guy. She ordered me to be more confident...(it was the strangest drunken lecture, i guess my sister told her that i was depressed about never dating). This really shocked me. At that point, I had given up on a lot in life, including my studies. I'm trying to think of myself as a catch now, but it's hard.

All the years of thinking of myself as a loser have scarred me. I am clueless and scared of dating. All my friends are guys with long term gfs, so they don't offer much help. I messed up the few chances I had in college. I don't talk to anyone now as a grad student. I have no idea how to flirt, and I feel like a creep if I try. I try to think that the girl I'm talking to finds me attractive, but it doesn't feel like it. I don't see any "signals" or maybe I'm just missing them. I usually chicken out and keep the conversation friendly, which is what I'm good at.

I feel like if I could just get a few dates, I could finally figure out how everything works. It makes me sad that others my age or older haven't done anything. I sound desperate, but I hate hearing others tell me I just need to be patient or being alone is actually better. It feels weird trying to start at 25. I don't even know what age range i can date haha. I did join okcupid and a club, but no luck yet.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Try dating apps or blind dates. Get a friend to set you or even your sister !!! Maybe a drink for confidence? ? You sound like a nice intellectual guy, the good girls now that's the catch... Unfoetunally we are a rare breed now a days haha so keep looking and don't give up. Beat of luck 🍀

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What Girls Said 1

  • I don't know how helpful this is, but try making a list of your good and bad qualities. Focus on bringing out your good qualities, and trying to resolve your bad qualities. For example, if you're selfish, try doing little selfless acts for others, if you're an introvert, try talking to someone new everyday. I'm sorry you feel the way you do... Don't lose hope. This is the best I got... Hopefully this helps, even if only a little.

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What Guys Said 2

  • don't give a shit and go with prostitutes. that's what i do since 17

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  • Just get to know girls as friends first, then try to work your way up to dating. Don't stress so much about it. And the sorority girl sounds like she was just screwing with you to be honest.

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    • oh fuck. i never thought of it that way. i guess I should have realized that sooner. thanks. I guess i'll just give up for now. i think i was happier when i had no hope or expectations. i don't wanna play mind games

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