Im very shallow when it comes to guys?

Anyone that have dated or dates someone they dont find attractive? When i say not attractive, i dont mean ugly. I mean okay looking or below average looking. And how did to convince your self to keep dating them?
A lot of guys that i dont find attractive right from the start approach me, and 90 prosent of the time i reject them, because of their looks. When i experienced that the guys i found attractive and wanted they didn't want me (or other things then sex) or they were just assholes. So i decided to give the less attractive guys a chance, and started going on dates with them, because i felt that they would treet mne right + i feelt like i had to high standars- But i had and still have problems look beyond their looks. Its really hard for me, and when their personality aren't super good either i dont have a good reason to actually continue seeing them. I feel so shallow, but i can't help it. And no i dont think im super hot, im above average, like a 6. And a lot of people seem to agree with me on that one. So im not full of myself. Anyway, should i just lower my standars on looks and go for the less attractive guys or should i just keep saying no to them, and wait untill a better looking guy comes along? And to be honest i feel like im the problem most of the time anyway, so the guys dont do anything wrong, but like i said, i have problems looks past their looks


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Man i have a lot to say about this lol. First, yes keep giving the less than handsome guys a chance.
    Keep disposing of the assholes because they aren't worth your time or anything.
    Glad you aren't high on yourself that shows great personality.
    Glad you also value personality of the man your seeing! Very good quality in you. Which tells me that if you find an ok enough looking guy, doesn't have to be hot, but ok, his personality can shine through enough that once you become attracted enough to his personality that his physical looks will suddenly seem better.
    Its chemically programmed into your brain to be attracted to better looking men because thats how a species is supposed to prevail. Sounds harsh because we have logical thinking brains, but thats an old instinct from a time before ours that doesn't go away. Thats why you can't help it. I know lots of people who also started dating less attractive people because they treat them better. Eventually you will find that person too. Better looking people know they can get away with being assholes so they do. Its an unfortunate fact of life nowadays. And weaker people they "impress" with that attitude let it happen.
    Man i could keep going forever on this lol. If you want more details leme know :P

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    • thanks! it is very helpful actually, i feel less like an asshole now, lol : )

    • Lol thats good. Your on the right track :) now if you wana vote most helpfull, cool! Just sayin lol. (You dont have to haha)

    • Im actually going to do that ;)

What Guys Said 7

  • The problem is that women tend to think about 80% of men are "below average." If that's the case with you (don't argue for or against it, I have no idea, just think about it), then your dating pool is severely limited.

    Hot guys don't have to settle. If they want just sex, they'll get it, if not from you then from someone else. If a guy doesn't want a relationship and you do, don't keep going after him. Your best bet is to continue dating the average guys until you find someone you DO click with. That's what dating is for.

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  • It's okay to have preferences. A person is not shallow if she for instance prefers red heads over brunettes or whatever. It's not a judgement, just a preference.

    Wouldn't the ideal mate be a person that you feel both physically and mentally attracted to? Why is it shallow when you feel that the physicality isn't there? You don't have to value those persons as less humans just because they don't line up with your preferences just like you don't deem vanilla ice cream bad just because your preference is strawberry.

    For some odd reason girls have to accept pretty much any looks as long as the personality is there. Those things are great if you want a friend. But if you want a lover, a mate, someone to spend everything in life with then it usually takes more.

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  • Looks are subjective. Rating people on a scale from 1-10 is unhelpful, because one person's 10 could be a 4 on someone else's scale.

    It is not shallow to be focused on appearance. Attraction is about both personality and appearance. Don't let past rejections get you down. Just be open, and go with your gut.

    Scientist Helen Fischer (maybe check out her TED Talks) talks about three drives: Sexual attraction, love and long-term bonding.

    Sexual attraction makes sure you are attracted to the opposite (or your own) sex. Falling in love makes you focus your energy on one person, which makes evolutionary sense. Long-term bonding may arise further into a relationship, and makes sense as it helps the parents stay together to raise their offspring.

    Thinking of these three drives is helpful, because it makes you recognize that relationships come in many forms: Maybe you're with someone just for the sex. Or maybe it's complete infatuation, but dies out after a while. Or, after a while you may develop a long-term bond. There is nothing wrong with either. It is up to you to decide what you want.

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  • Silly gurls, guys with looks will use dat power to their advantage to get laid -.-'
    Dont think that they will stick with u for long when the can get at any cuties they want. They ain't limiting themself to nly one cutie. Ur best bet is the average/below average.

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  • Nope, date someone you find attractive. We all deserve that. You'll find a guy that doesn't think you're a 6, he'll think you're a 9 and you'll think he's a 9 and you'll be a happy 18 together that doesn't check out other people and fantasize about infidelity.

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  • So if your shallow what's your opinion of me cause I tend to be attracted to shallow girls that just go for looks

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  • Classic example how girls think their entitled to a hot looking guy even though she claims not to be good looking herself. Oh the Irony.

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    • Anyone is entitled to whomever they can bag.

    • Says the guy who wrote Looks are subjective. Rating people on a scale from 1-10 is unhelpful, because one person's 10 could be a 4 on someone else's scale. That sounds so hypocritical. The way she wrote this question comes off as OK good looking guy check, Ugly or average guys ewww get away from me. Come on really.

What Girls Said 2

  • the famous ideals of every unhappy, poor, lonely, old woman ^__^
    you would be wise to grow.
    I thought like you when i was about 12 years old, but by the time I was 15, I matured, and thank God.

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    • Oh well, thats your opinion... but its not helpful at all...

    • Well what she is trying to say is you should lower your standards, because by having high standards your limiting your pool of people you compatible matches. Thing with guys (as I'm sure you've noticed), we are 95% whores basically. If you asked 100 guys to have sex with you no strings attached, 95% will say yes. But as I'm sure you're also aware the number of men who are actually compatible with you is low. But at the end of the day, if you're really not attracted to someone you can't force it to happen.

  • That why I did I feel not better going with a guy I don't like I just want the hot guy with green eyes and nice abd and muscles nice personality car with a job and nice apartament for himself that treat every girl bad :( I can't have those so no it's better to be alone than feel uncomfortable and made other person ilusions

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