I can't get myself to have meaningless sex... why am I so empty?

I've suffered from being sad and alone all my life, I think I may even be depressed. I am a late bloomer, I am 24, and I guess, people and girls tend to notice me now, and even like me and find me attractive. I still have deep insecurities within me, and I have problems socializing and being the "guy" everyone wants to be around. You know the super cheery social person, I am reserved, shy and quiet and so self conscious sometimes that when I have a conversation with people I am so nervous to not mess up, I often miss what they're saying.

So my point is, I want a good girl, a girl I can love, spend time together, do things with, I've had girls, and I have started dating, and I get emotionally attached, I start caring for the girl, I start seeing potential, and than I start to have feelings. And with these girls things don't usually workout, and it leaves me hurt for so long and takes a while to get over.

All my friends say, that you should just go after all these girls that like you, or just go after girls and talk to them, and just fool around, I mean, I can, but, I don't want to, I find it weird to be having sex with someone I have no connection with or feel anything for, even if they're attractive. What if I have sex and they want a relationship and I don't? I don't want to do that.

So what do I do?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I understand how you feel, I've only had one boyfriend and it lasted about 5 years but it wasn't anything serious. I want something that's serious and meant to be not someone who will play with my feelings or cheat on me. I took a break from relationships for a while because I just got tired of being chewed and spit up and hitting my head all the time. When having sex with someone do it with someone who feels the same way about you, just a word of advice if you need any advice. I can related you kind of, I've been treated the same. I used to be shy I'm in high school but I'm not anymore I'm kind of outgoing and funny is what a lot of people say about me. Try to socialize with other girls and open your mouth and just be yourself and don't think so hard about what to say. Just ask, "How are you" or you look really beautiful today whatever comes to your mind. I have decided to wait till college to start dating because a lot of guys in high school just want sex from me and don't care about my feelings. I want a relationship that is real and meant to be I could care less about sex until I am married. Don't worry you'll meet someone, there's someone out there for everybody you just have to go out there and find her. Get to know her first and be friends with her first and don't be so quick to jump and hit your head because you'll just get hurt like I did in my first relationship, take it easy and slow. All girls are different, you don't have to be what everyone wants to see, some girls don't find guys that are not social boring everyone is different. I was always quiet and reserved growing up but I'm not like anymore. I don't go out a lot but I'm still working on that.

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What Girls Said 4

  • If you can't get yourself to have meaningless sex then don't do it. Wait for the right girl to come along. If you are a good guy and know a lot of people you will find a good girl.

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  • We all want to find the one.. What you described, that you start a relationship and everything is fine, then problems arise, you break up and you get hurt, is what everyone is going through, trying to have a serious relationship. Real passion is both love and lust, the union of the body and soul. Keep searching for a serious relationship and you'll find it eventually

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    • I've never had a serious relationship, just, I've had girls, I spend months talking to, they like me, they understand me, they open up, I start to care and catch feelings and try to make them happy, we date, one date two date, things are good, we make out, have sex, than it just dies, and they become distant...

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    • I'm not that social, I know people with tons of friends, who take millions of pics for FB, and go out every weekend to bars and clubs and stuff and drink and I'm not like that, don't girls find that boring?

    • Next time don't let the girl become distant. And many people are not that much into facebook, myself included. And I think that men who upload tons pics in fb think too highly of themselves. Also there are many women who don't drink alcohol at all and don't like clubs.

  • I don't think you should feel empty. I am 26 and feel the exact same way. I am still a virgin and not for lack of guys trying. I want it to mean something and to be with someone who is looking for a relationship, not an easy lay. I think there is absolutely nothing wrong with being a guy who is uncomfortable with meaningless sex, in fact I respect you for it.

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  • So wait do you want to continue risking your heart or do want to sleep around?

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    • I want a relationship with a good girl, but I'm tired of getting hurt, but I think meaningless sex takes a lot for me to do, because it's an intimate thing and I can't bring myself to overcome it and just do it with girls without feeling guilty, or does it get easier the more you do it?

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    • I just feel at my age 24, I haven't date enough, I've only had sex twice, and never been in that many relationships. Idk, I feel as if I lack XP.

    • You are who are but if you feel like you haven't dated a lot and want to date more, put yourself out there more. Go to places you'd think the kind of girl you're looking for will be. Also don't ever think the number of sex partners you've had reflects on your value as a person.

What Guys Said 3

  • Meaningless sex is a pointless distraction that could possibly ruin your life through STDs and unwanted pregnancies. It's best to just not go there. With that said, you should keep dating like you always have. You'll find that special woman eventually.

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  • Don't stop trying. Look at your past relationships and learn from them. Did you really know how they felt about you? Did they know how you felt about them?

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  • i should have been raised better

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