Why do guys not know what advance notice is anymore?

I'm so sick of this behavior from every guy I encounter. I have literally told one guy in particular at least 10 times that to spend time with me, you have to plan something in advance. Instead, he continues to send me "I wanna see you tonight" messages and asks to hangout at 9pm or after. He considered asking at 5pm on the day of to be advance notice. The guy I'm currently dealing with now, asked when we could hang, I told him the nights I was available, he disregardingly asked to meet up that very second. When I told him I was at work and needed advance notice, he asked about later tonight. I said it would be 11pm before I got home and he said, "So? Lol." I asked what we would do on a Sunday this late. He said, "IDK." I replied that maybe we could another night when he figured it out, and that I had class in the morning. Of course, no reply. Why do these guys completely ignore the days I offer to see them (only time I'm free) and expect me to drop everything that very second to see them? Why do a lot of guys see this as acceptable? It's very rude and inconsiderate to not plan ahead. It makes me, the woman, feel like some second-rate, last-minute choice. It's like if I set standards, guys run.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Well, hate to say it but... you're giving guys the vibe that you're easy. At your age guys are interested in hooking up (period). There's VERY few guys that want anything more. (I am expecting a guy your age to argue that). Fact is, all we think about from about the age 12 on is sex. Push the dating thing off a few years and guys will change after they've been turned down enough to realize they need to treat women with respect. The right guy for you will come along shortly, just wait. In the meantime, be happy they're calling you.

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    • I have no idea how I'm doing that when my reputation is that of a good woman. I've never said anything to give them that impression. I set boundaries early on and even cut one out before because he wouldn't step up to the plate. He started sending me messages out of nowhere that kept getting ignored. He won't take no for an answer. The one I'm dealing with now says I avoid him, or "don't reply back sometimes or make attempts to hang out". It's like these men expect me to do all the work and when I won't, they treat me like a slut anyways because they don't want to man up.

    • You're correct in your observations and experiences. Some of us are like that. Look, I'm interested in a woman my age with kids. Luckily I have kids too so I get it. To make everything come together for us, I've decided that I need to include her kids and see her when she is with them. I know and respect that her time with the kids is more of an obligation to seeing me so I work around her schedule. (not trying to paint a good picture of me). It took me years to figure this out and when I did I started meeting some amazing women. As you get older you'll hear the words 'drama' and 'baggage' thrown around to describe people. In the meantime you need to respect yourself and you'll meet a guy who is just as respectful of your time.

      As an aside, proper dating etiquette is that you turn a guy down the first time (no matter what) so he asks you out for another night. This does two things. First, it shows his interest level. Second, it shows you're hard to get.

      Good luck!

What Guys Said 5

  • Sounds like you are engulfed by people who cannot follow simple directions. While annoying it can actually have an asset. By filtering out those guys who cannot seem to grasp your schedule limitations, you are thus avoiding dates doomed to failure.

    Keep to your standards and perhaps a like minded young man who also lives on a schedule will walk into your life. It is however likely that a like minded partner is also up to his neck in work, studies, and personal issues, so he might be hard to find.

    Nevertheless you sound like a person who has their ducks in a row, so don't despair. Eventually you will meet someone who is as meticulous as you are.

    Stay the course!

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  • You are dealling with dead beats. A man who has no respect for time is generally called "poor" and there are people who things happen to and people who make things happen.

    The fact that you have a simple request then it will be easy to elimiate the trash out of your life.

    I am similar to you, I cannot stand when people just drop by without calling. Even if I am home I almost always have things that I am doing to make my life better.

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  • It sucks that you have to deal with guys that won't listen. Stand behind your requirements and continue to not put up with a guy that wants to hang out at 9pm without a plan as to what he wants to do.

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  • I like the way you said the guy your dealing with now haha. its because guys your age are immature and more than likely listening to their own self instead of you.

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  • Working and going to school, trying to juggle a man/woman, is impossible. You really need to choose what you want to do. There just isn't enough daylight hours to do all three

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    • I've done it before. It's hard, but doable.

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    • *if *male *make

    • I'm just sayin', it's physically impossible to do it. Even if you think you can, you're fooling yourself... don't make it harder than what it already is. Just choose

What Girls Said 1

  • Oh man, yeah don't waste time on those guys. You've run into a bad string. Where are you finding them? It really sounds to me like they're only after a hook-up. They don't care enough. If he can't respect that you've got work and class, and you want to spend time in the daylight and not just after 9PM, then it's simply not going to work out. Keep your standards (which are more than reasonable), but weed out those guys early on.

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