How do I start a relationship?

I generally like to think I have quite a good grasp of dating & relationships. However, due to a handful of factors, I've been out of the dating game for a few years. As a result, I've come to realize that I don't really remember how to start a relationship.

On top of all this, I've realized looking back, that many of my relationships started because the girl took just as much initiative as I did, so it required a lot less effort on my part. I'm also kind of an old fashioned person, and as time goes on, I feel like I'm getting more and more stuck in the past and losing touch with today's dating dynamics.

I also feel like I get stuck in limbo between the friendzone and the creeper zone. I see guys who take a more direct approach get immediately shut down and treated like a creeper. At the same time I see guys who take a more passive approach never move beyond friends. I can't figure out how to let a girl know your interested in being more than just friends, but doing so in a way that isn't too forward and off putting.

I'm perfectly comfortable around women and have plenty of confidence. I just simply don't know anymore how to move a relationship into the romantic realm. At the moment, I still rely on the old fashioned approach of asking the girl to dinner, however I'm starting to feel like that approach just isn't effective in todays world.

So again, when I meet a girl I like, how do I go about escalating things into a relationship? How do your relationships normally form? I'm just stick of being in situations where I'm pretty sure we both like each other, but we both just end up like deers in headlights because I'm not really sure what to do next other than ask her to dinner, which in and of itself seems to send girls running simply because it's unorthodox approach in todays world.


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What Girls Said 2

  • I think I found the problem through what you wrote: in my opinion, I feel like you are too busy trying to please your date rather than really getting to know each other. You have to look at what you want. I feel like a first date should be about conversation but really seeing if there is chemistry from before you go out for dinner or anything.

    When my boyfriend and I began to date, I was just getting out of my first and very bad relationship. The last thing I wanted was to see other people: I just wanted to enjoy my new-found freedom and be okay with myself. We realized through texts that we had a lot in common but really just got to know each other, nothing about being attracted to each other. After about a week, he mentioned that we should hang out since we seem to have a lot of fun talking. We scheduled for a week after. Two nights before the date, we graduated to a phone call. The night before, we expressed deep attraction for each other. He knew my position in terms of a relationship and we came to the agreement that we would not follow rules, we would just be ourselves. "If it worked, it worked. If it did not, it did not." simple as that. He asked me to be his girlfriend three days after that.

    Mind you, there is a six and a half year gap between us: I am 21 and he is 28-- since you are worried about being "modern". He had been trying to find his One for about two years (dating sites, included) and mentioned that it became a hassle of one disappointment after the other- to him believing that its impossible to find what he wanted. He tells me constantly how happy he is to finally be able to be goofy and the man he is without being worried about anything. So I suggest to change your perspective in dating- it's about the happiness of both-- which includes you!! Being true to yourself will attract you to your true lover. Best of luck! :)

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  • For me, the old way is always the best. There are a lot of girls who are looking for a guy like you, who still knows how to treat a girl right, take it slow, diner and movie etc.
    You need to sent her the vibe. Give her all your attention, drop hints here and there about future dates, ask her all sort of things about herself, mostly hang on everything she says and she will know you're game and respond to it :)

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What Guys Said 0

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