Polite blowoff or genuinely busy?

I met this girl last night. We flirted and walked around campus. She kept saying my name. She asked me if she could give me her email so I'd update her about interesting things.
I emailed her a suggestion for an event tonight and she said "Thanks for the invite, but unfortunately I have class till late and then must run pick up a friend.. Let me know how it goes."

Thoughts?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Genuinely busy. She was flirting with you in person and asked for your email, and she also ended the message with giving you an invite to contact her again to let her know how it goes. She wants to keep talking with you

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What Girls Said 3

  • Genuinely busy I'd say! It was a bit late notice so if she had already made plans then she probably didn't have time.

    She replied, that's a good start!
    So drop her a reply and tell her how it and say you hope she had a good time with her friend :)

    Try again another time! She gave you her e-mail and specifically asked you to get hold of her... so I very much doubt in that time scale she has declined as she didn't want to.

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  • Without being mathematical, I'd suggest to try again a for another event you both think you'd enjoy. You can't find an ultimatum based on one instance. Good luck!

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  • Genuinely busy. Definitely. She wouldn't have asked for a way to contact you if she wasn't even slightly interested, and saying someone's name a lot can be a sign of affection (according to psychology, who knows for real?).

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What Guys Said 3

  • Dude, there's a "spectrum" to gauging for what someone is "thinking inside their head" based on their "external objective behavior."

    Behavior (i. e., the external acts) are objective. The "meaning" we attribute to that behavior (i. e., assumptions about the mental process or thinking required inside a person in order to produce that behavior) is "subjective." As such, it's often tainted by what's going on inside our own mental process. In dating, because we're so personally invested in the situation, the risk of loss, and the potential for rewards, our pre-frontal cortex is lid up like a Christmas tree (if you look at it under an fMRI). There have been studies where a portfolio manager has to manage "client" funds, and then "his" funds. Contrary to the old idiom, "If you want something done right, do it yourself," here, the portfolio manager consistently caused "client" funds to outperform "his" own funds! That's because different areas of the brain were active when making decisions with the same goal in mind. See also, http://www.lacba.org/showpage.cfm?pageid=2044 and caselaw.lp.findlaw.com/.../getcase.pl (discussing the expression "A lawyer who represents himself has a fool for a client.").

    Often times, the challenge lies in holding back our own insecurities from the subjective process of forming an assumption about what motivated another person's behavior, or what another person's behavior means.

    I suppose on the more "conservative" side of the spectrum, a "single" instance of anything less than absolute over-the-top interest in you with an over expression of wanting to fcuk you and suck your d*ck and a stated reason of "inconvenience" that day is enough to translate into her "politely blowing you off." I suppose the more "aggressive" side of the spectrum is the "'No' means 'Yes' mentality," where "If contact me again you creepy loser, I'm going to call the police," means "She's playing hard-to-get and really wants me bad." You can, hopefully, see how both are equally delusional (i. e., out of touch with reality).

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    • Your "threshold" (i. e., at what "point" you draw the line, you set the cut-off, you conclude as a fixed rule that, "hey, at this point, 90% chance she's not into me, 10% chance she's into me, time to play it by the numbers and call the quits.") is something you need to decide. Even statisticians have differing "confidence intervals" (e. g., 90%, 95%, 99%, 99.999999%). At some point, you need to decide that the best use of your limited 77 years of life on this earth is better spent pursuing some other girl where the possibility of her being interested in you is a fresh new 50% rather than continuing to invest your time and resources pursuing something with a 1% chance of potential interest. Depending on how populated your area is, your "threshold" may be different. If you lived in NYC, once you're down to a 10% chance in your mind, makes sense to move on. In West Bubblefcuk, Arkansas, maybe 5% or even 1% still makes sense, I don't know, only you know.

    • It also has to do with how likely "you" are to find someone else (i. e., your BATNA, best alternative to a negotiated agreement). If things don't work out with Girl X, how likely are you to find an equally attractive (in a 'holistic' not 'purely physical' sense) romantic partner? If you have a lot of value to offer, and you're a hot commodity in the marketplace, and your asking price (i. e., what you want in someone else, e. g., Girl Y) is set correctly at the appropriate level, then you're very likely to "clear" (i. e., find someone else). So, you may be more willing to move on at the 10% mark and not stick around until you reach the 5%, 1%, 0% mark. On the other hand, if your "asking price" is set too high, or you don't have as much value to offer, then the behavior of being willing to stick around and lurk on the "hope" that you get "lucky" is 100% rational, even at the 1% mark, heck, even at the 0.000001% (they call it 'desperate' for a reason).

    • This dude has it down.

  • Genuinely busy.

    But keep notes. If this is consistent behavior, you either have really bad timing (ie: find out her schedule), or she's always finding things to do (that exclude you).

    ie: once is happenstance, twice is coincidence, three times is enemy action.

    Also, if she bails a second/third time, put the ball in her court - and say, Hey, you're always busy - let me know when you're free and I'll see if anything is happening / or invite me to something that you're going to.

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  • Polite blow off or idiotically playing hard to get.

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