What am I doing wrong to scare guys away? Get me out of this infinite friend-zone!?

I don't really see the problem. I love who I am, I think I'm pretty. I won't change who I am, either. I'm smart, a 30 ACT and honor roll. I'm sociable--people love talking to me, I love talking to them. I'm nice--everyone says so. I've been told to be a model before, and I'm definitely not insecure about my looks (but I'm modest, I don't dress skimpy). I put 110% into relationships I've attempted before, always me whose done the asking, but then after a couple dates they say I'm nice but we're just friends. I'm sweet. But they love someone else. Or something along those lines.

I do not put out, and I know that could be contributing. A few guys have walked away because I wouldn't have sex. In fact, I make that very clear because I'm only 17 and I feel like I'm not emotionally ready yet. But I've never even kissed a guy yet, to date.

I've recently been turned down, again. I'm sweet, and a great friend. But only that. I don't know what to do to change this mentality. Guys say they look for pretty, smart, and fun.

I love amusement parks. I'm a master joke-teller. I'm a great listener. I try new things (like bowling, that didn't work out but it was funny to watch me try). People love me as a friend. I have so many friends. Making friends is easy to me.

When it comes to my dating style, I will never date more than one guy at once. I believe that communication is key. I try. And once I was told I try too hard to hold things together, but I don't want to leave something without trying.

And I do have a disorder--narcolepsy. But it's not too bad, I don't just fall asleep during a conversation. I just tired sometimes quickly and suddenly, and occasionally fall over when laughing. But I doubt that should by why guys are so scared away.

I just... don't seem to see what everyone else sees. I won't take offense, please be honest.

Plus, I'm not like a super-girly girl. I'm athletic (all-state track athlete) and I love video games. I have diverse hobbies.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Well if you're as good as you say you are, guys are probably intimidated by you. A lot of them might feel like they're not good enough to date you. Also, you mentioned guys walking away because you didn't want to have sex. Unfortunately our culture has been hijacked by a bunch of sex maniacs. Most girls nowadays put out way too easily, so a lot of guys just don't put forth any effort in relationships anymore because they don't have to. Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? You don't want guys like that though, they are players and would just leave you when you get older and your looks start to fade. You're still young, guys your age are only going to be interested in sex. Wait until you're older, and date older, more mature guys.


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What Guys Said 4

  • I'm not trying to prejudge or anything but I just want to know, what types of guys do you like? And is there a chance you ignore some guys because they don't look like the most attractive guy or there's traits they have that make you overlook them? (To prove I'm not prejudging you, I've done the same thing too accidentally and now that I fixed it I have an amazing gf. With her I overlooked her because she was younger and people would made fun of me but I looked past it and it's the best thing I've ever done.) if there's a chance you might do this then try to extend your circle of people you might go out with and you might find someone good :)

    • I try not to. I've dated an older guy, a younger guy, nerdy, athletic, and rough around the edges. I've only ever turned down two guys (one was stalking me--tried to follow me into the girls bathroom, and the other was a special needs kid). I really like guys that are comfortable with themselves, that's all that really catches my attention. Insecurity kind of shies me away, so all the guys I've attempted to date have been happy with themselves, no hiding it, and very comfortable in their own skins. I like that.

    • Wow well I guess you have as bad of luck with that as I do with anything else lol the only other thing I could think of is you said you like guys who aren't insecure, well what I'm thinking, which may not always be the case, maybe some of those insecure guys are only insecure because "no one likes them" which no matter what normally means they need a girlfriend to help with that. If you get with someone like that, well its kinda like putting in the last puzzle piece and they'll probably become comfortable. If you do try this then make sure you know that that's their only problem, it's pretty easy to tell aha. As for the stalker guy thing, holy shit I'm sorry for you... that must've been reeeealy creepy...

  • When you get older and you're putting out, you'll have 'em on lock-down.

    Don't worry about it, it'll come with time.

  • Girl you are in the same position as me. You are very mature for a 17 year old, keep in mind, 90% of people our age are complete idiots.

  • I can't really use your own description to see what the problem is, because clearly you don't know the problem, and you wouldn't be able to describe it. Make a short video of yourself, saying the same stuff, then people can see and hear you, and figure out if something is wrong.


What Girls Said 1

  • You are doing nothing wrong! Sounds to me like you have just had terrible luck with dating.

    My story is just like yours. I am a nice girl, guys tell me I'm wonderful, super sweet, pretty, smart, etc...

    What could they not like about me? Well they like me just fine, they just don't LOVE me. Which is the problem.

    Unfortunately you just have to keep trying until you find a guy who will love you. Stay involved in your hobbies. Just be you.

    Don't forget to shine! Guys love happy girls and if you are bubbly that's just a plus.

    The right guy is going to take note of you and not let you go!