Why do we always advice people to leave? And do you think it's good advice?

It seems like the first advice anyone gives is to move on. He hasn't called you it's time to move on. She flaked on your date move on. She didn't reply to your texts move on. He takes hours to reply to your text it's time to move on. She's leading you on move on. He's playing you move on. She's not putting in effort move on. And we get this over and over again but I can't help but wonder if continuously telling people to pull away from the people they like is really good advice. It seems wrong. I understand that clinging to a person can make them feel smothered but running away can make them feel abandoned. It's a different story when you've been blatantly told no but often times people are just scared and catastrophizing and when we continuously tell people to leave are we not just encouraging people to scare each other into not trusting anyone. How do you guys and girls feel about the advice to move on?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • This isn't an issue of trust, it's the realisation that this person probably isn't a) compatible with you or b) isn't worth your effort. The reason so many people advise others to move on, me included, is because so many people don't when they should.

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    • How do you know when they should. How can you put a timeline on something like this?

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    • Good point. But every child is born self centered and prone to seeking external validation until taught differently. Why do we stop trying simply because they've grown older?

    • I agree with what you're saying but most of the times I advise someone to walk away is when it's quite clear their partner has very little respect for them. When that's the case I don't think it's beneficial for either party. Once lost respect is a very difficult thing to get back.

What Girls Said 4

  • I know what you mean, really is quite frustrating. I don't even like venting to my friends about some issues that may arise with my boyfriend, even very minor ones, because it's almost a guarantee that their reply will be 'Why are you even with him, just break up.'

    The fact that even close friends I've had for a long time feel the go-to solution is to break up with someone, even though you've been together for a long time. I feel like that's ridiculous, and a produce of people being simply far too lazy and/or idealistic in what they expect from a relationship. So if any issues shall shatter the expectations for perfect thanks to multiple Hollywood rom-coms, I guess he's not your knight in shining armour... -_-

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  • If I tell that to someone, it's because they're just sitting around wallowing in self pity and depression waiting for the other person to come back and fix them. When I say "move on", I really mean "get off your ass, get out of the house, go do something with your friends, and forget about them, at least for a while.

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    • I like this. So by move on you don't mean give up but rather continue living. I like this a lot.

    • Exactly. Don't give someone control of your life when they have left you broken wondering if they'll ever come back!

  • Because it's a waste of time to chase after someone who isn't interested in you.

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    • But how do you know that they aren't interested. Your running on assumptions not truths.

    • I'm basing this on if instances where it's certain people are chasing or longing after someone who has it clear they are not interested. If there is a chance that person is interested, I say go for it, ask them out.

  • If those 2 people are dating and therefore not in a relationship I do not understand why that person should work with the other person if they do not care.
    Why should a person waste his or hers energy on someone who could care less?

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    • Imagine if a mother said that to their child. if she looked at the crying baby in the basket and says you don't care that I haven't slept in weeks so therefore I don't care about you eating. Or if she looked at her teenage daughter and said you don't care that your taking all of my money and I'm no longer going to let you live in my home. Now I know the mother child relationship is a different dynamic but that's how care works. It's not something you give only for it to be reciprocated. You give care because you want the other person to be cared for and know they're cared for and about. If two people entered into a relationship and both said well I'm not gonna care if they don't care then no relationships would ever form no one would care. Someone has to care more at least to begin with.

    • Dating is different it's not the same as a relationship

What Guys Said 3

  • It's not good advice. We have astronomically high divorce rates because people "just move on" instead of bettering themselves, and sticking with a person.

    it is creating a society of immature, broken people who have spread themselves across many "partners" simply because he, or she, was not "Perfect". To be discarded like trash.

    So yes, I believe you are correct.

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  • because we aren't attached to the person like the person asking is which means our advise is more objective however i fee like most askers leave a lot of info out because they're feeling insecure and also if you aren't married then it really is easier to start fresh with someone who has no baggage or negative preconceptions of you

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  • I think it's very valid advice. Too often people fall for the "sunk cost" fallacy - they think that time already invested in the relationship that's going badly should be a factor in future decision making.

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    • I don't think using a cognitive distortion is enough to justify the advice. Because on the other end you could be jumping to conclusions by assuming your relationship is going to continuously go down hill. Or catastrophizing by assuming a small indication of struggle is enough to label the relationship as failing. The advice of moving on can also encourage polarized thinking either we're together or we're not rather than we simply aren't as close as we used to be. And lastly it also enforces the idea that our happiness is dependent upon our environment and current situation rather than our own personal view of the world. I understand your point but personally I believe fallacy should be used to point out the possible errors in our thinking not as tools for decision making.

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