Why being nice doesn't get you the girl you want?

I'm a nice guy, I care for people and try to help as many people as I can. I am kinda shy but very out going if that makes sense. It's hard for me to approach women I like and I don't know why. It's not out of fear of rejection I think it might be not knowing what to say. Any advice would help!

Updates:
Thanks you all for your advice, it really helped!!!
I totally understand about not letting people take advantage of me, it's just hard for me not to be nice. I do it because it's genuine and for no other reason.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • DUDE. I HAVE THE SAME PROBLEM AND I HAVE TRIUMPHED. It's all about not being a douche bag, but being ready to turn into a douche bag. Girls like a challenge for some reason, if they know they can push you around then they get bored and string you along as a free meal ticket. I'd hate to say it, but being nice only works with the either genuine nice girls or the emotionally damaged ones. Even if you do land a nice girl, you still have to keep her in check. Show them that you don't tolerate the bullshit they've been giving you and that willing to see other people because you're not happy. She's a lot less likely to play hard to get if she knows she might lose you. Women are weird dude. I had to pull this stunt with my girlfriend the other day. She doesn't want to tell people we're dating and that prevents me from being affectionate to her in public. I told her that if she doesn't tell her parents that we're dating that this inaction is a deal breaker for me and I won't stand for it. Just find your inner douchebag. It didn't come naturally for me, but I wanted to save my relationship and being a douchebag is what did. Women might say they don't like douchebags, but they are lying if they do. They want an asshole and they're afraid to say it. The ones that do admit they want an asshole, well, just stay clear of them cause they probably have daddy issues and brother let me tell you that is not fun.

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    • I agree with you! ! I just don't know how to bring it out send be balanced with it I guess.. maybe it takes practice..

What Girls Said 6

  • Because being nice is a really plain trait to have, if that makes sense. The vast majority of people in this world could be described as nice. It is obvious that you care for the people you love and stuff like that.

    What you need to do to get a girlfriend, in my opinion, is to be interesting. Talk about the things you do, ask her about her hobbies and try to find common interests. Humor is always good too. I know it's difficult to approach girls if you're shy, but I guess that's just what you gotta do. You ain't gonna achieve nothing if you don't get out of your comfort zone. Being nice by itself doesn't get you anything in this world, or at least in mine.

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  • if you are nice in the sense that you avoid conflict and sinful behaviour - that doesn't attract woman but if you are nice in the sense that you are always proactively doing things to help others - that is very attractive to woman but you have to do those things because you want to - not because you want to be liked - then you become extremely attractive to woman.

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  • I've never wanted to fuck a guy just because he was nice. you have to have other qualities besides being helpful and servile

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    • True. I guess I need to stop thinking that's what women want and do a little more.. half is being nice the other half I guess is being shy and the fear of approaching a new situation

  • right timing! it would be a world of a difference.. try to talk about anything? start hanging out with her male friends :)

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  • It must be evolution.

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  • You being a nice guy isn't the problem, it's you finding it hard to approach them. Just seeing them for what they are human beings.. they are no different from your friends and family. So just talk to them as you would with one of your friends/family remember.

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What Guys Said 4

  • The problem with nice guys is that they roll over at the first sign of trouble, helping and being kind to people is something very rare these days yet get you know where if that is just your only selling point. You got to figure out what you want in life and that ties into having standards, this allows you to develop confident for yourself. Also, because your so nice people take advantage of you and it becomes expected of you.

    Yet, the hardest part about being a nice guy is not to be one, there nothing wrong with caring for people and doing things to help, but ask yourself what's more important to you, them or your own happiness. Feel free to ask me questions once a former nice guy, now a good person

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  • Women these days are mostly shallow and self centered. Just be yourself, and don't worry what anyone thinks.

    A really together woman will value you., Try going where you'll meet them. Join clubs or organizations where your interests lie.

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  • Just approach them. Who cares what they say, don't give them the power to put you down through rejection. Once you don't care, you win.

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  • nice guys are one dimensional

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