Does he not want to date me because of the circumstances or is it me?

Long story short: I slept with the best (male) friend of my best friend (female). Me and my friend have been friends for twenty years and she is like a sister (our families also know each other really well). I met him a while ago and he flirted with me from the start. When we were a bit drunk we slept together and he told me how he wanted it for a while and he was really sweet. Also he wanted me to spend the night and cuddle etc, and next morning (sober) he also told me he wanted it for a while already and asked if I was on the same page. But then afterwards he said it wasn't a smart decision of us and that he feels bad about it. What I am wondering is, does he actually like me but does he feel bad about it because of the circumstances? Or it is really just me? I don't have the guts to ask him..

  • He feels bad because of the circumstances
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  • He just doesn't like me that much
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Most Helpful Guy

  • This may only confuse you more but It's also possible that he is saying what he thinks you want to hear while he is getting what he wants from you. It could also be the friend situation. Best thing to do is to tell your friend that you are thinking of dating him but find out if your friend is interested in him

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    • I have also thought about that.. but he had been flirting with me for a while already and sometimes seemed a bit awkward or shy at first when he was around me..

    • If you really think the circumstance is the issue then your long time friend may be the key here. Ask her in an honest mood what she thinks about the dude. If she has no interest in him the way you do then ask her how she feels about you dating him.

What Guys Said 3

  • I would guess he feels bad for the circumstances. I'm sure he likes you.

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  • I guess he is afraid of what your best friend would think about it. Like said SonOfPiper, you should try to talk to your friend. If she accepts it, I'm pretty sure things will end good. (srry for my bad english)

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    • I think that might be it.. I told her about it and know she only likes him as a friend and nothing more. But he didn't tell her so I think he feels uncomfortable telling her about me..

  • I would say it is purely the situation. It sounds like he likes you more, but can't really act on it because of your friend. It is a tough position for all 3 of you to be in because 1 will likely be hurt.

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    • mhh ok thanks! Yeah I have been thinking about what could happen if I would date him and things would go wrong.. It would be bad for both our friendships with her.. I am not sure what to do about this though..

What Girls Said 1

  • I am confused. Why the circumstances can be problem?
    Does she like him too? If she is just a friend for both of you, why it might be a problem?
    I am really lost.

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    • No she doesn't like him.. but I think that if I would date him and things would go wrong then it would really harm both our friendships with her (probably especially his friendship with her). She also knows what happened and is fine with it, but she is afraid that that might happen. I am also just trying to make sense of why he suddenly felt bad about it and thought it wasn't a 'smart decision', which I thought was a weird thing to say if it would just be about me.

    • I think there is more than you think.

      You ruin nothing. Friendship and relationship are different concepts. Friends are people who become happy just because we are happy birthday. If not there is some problems.
      if dating with him makes you happy, what can be problem?

      I honestly think she has feelings for him. And he knows it. But they somehow don't admit. Then there goes circumstances. Because of you. You will be get hurt if she admits. Won't you?

      I don't believe in circumstances thing in your situation. I feel they are hiding something. That is what I think.

      He likes you but there is danger to hurt her. He is valuing her too as a friend because.
      I think you need to be clear about the situation. You need to ask them, face to face, what is really happening. Someone will get hurt unfortunately.

    • *just because we are happy.

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