The guy I am dating said that he has cheated in the past and gone to therapy for it. Should I leave him automatically?

I'm officially dating a cheater. I had no idea. He dated someone for 8 years. He said it was a toxic relationship and he cheated on the girl he was with more than once with different people... he eventually broke up with her because she wouldn't break up with him. He went to therapy after that because he was really heart broken and confused in general. He felt really bad about it... he hasn't cheated since he's been in therapy. He's really glad that he saw a counselor too. He said he cheated because he felt insecure about himself and needed the outside validation.

I mean... we haven't had sex and we're not in a serious relationship, but should I cut it off now or give him a chance? How can I ever trust someone like that?

  • Never date a cheater no matter how long ago it was.
    100% (1)43% (3)50% (4)Vote
  • It's okay to date him if it seems like he's changed.
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Most Helpful Guy

  • Hm... if he genuinely want to change, and is willing to go to thrapy i'd suggest you give him a chance, but with certain demands.
    That he's 100% open about it when you two talk, and that if itn's needed again, he goes to see a councelor. Also treat cheating as a dealbreaker. No second chances

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    • Yeah, I think I agree. This was years ago.. He went to therapy for three years already... plus the relationship was 8 years long. So... he's out of therapy now and just living. He's 31. He said he's not ready to marry. I just worry because I don't know him that well. I guess you're right though. He told me he had cheated the first night I spent at his place (we didn't have sex). He said he has demons in his past... then he told me all about how much therapy has helped him in his life.

    • Yeah, that means he is tired of hiding it. He wants to play fair, and let you know. Normally i don't give cheaters a chance, but it sounds like he want to put that behind him and move on...

      Personally if it was a girl, i would've given her the chance, with the conditions mentioned in my first post.

    • Yeah, he pretty much told me on the first date. I asked him if he had ever been in love... that's how we got there. He did love the girl, but then when things fell apart she kind of latched onto him is what it sounds. I think he's a really good guy so far. He is extremely respectful.

      However, I get the feeling he is either not happy in life, not happy w/ me or he's just trying to get sex out of me. I really can't tell. When I poke fun at him he doesn't banter back. He'll smile and laugh. When I say something, he hardly ever develops any opinion on anything I say. Sometimes I feel like I'm talking to a smiling wall... even our meals are spent talking about factual things... like "oh the food is good" and "oh it's nice outside." :/ I've only known him a week, so maybe it's too soon to call it off?

What Guys Said 1

  • I wouldn't say his past is a definitive indication of his present. There isn't enough forgiveness in the world.

    Don't let his cheating in the past get to you, especially since he seems rather penitent about it, though you SHOULD keep a watchful eye out. Good on him for going to therapy too :)

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    • Yeah. It was also years ago. I was just kind of shocked when he told me. He seems so nice... and he's so respectful. However, it seems like therapy has done a lot for him. He was always really insecure growing up he said. He's 31 now. He was teased all his life for being overweight and having acne.

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