Is expecting marriage out of a relationship simply no longer a valid assumption?

I understand that many people no longer see marriage as beneficial to them. I know I'm pretty young, but I honestly don't want to fuck around I like to invest into a person date for a few years and then settle. Are these expectations too crazy? Unrealistic in a modern society? What are your point of view? Guys do you want to settle? Girls do want the same or have a different opinion? Please share your opinion in really excited to see how people feel about marriage as an end result of a relationship


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I date for ever or for never. And I tell this to who ever asks me out. I don't see the point of dating "just to date."
    I perhaps don't want marriage, but I want a lifelong commitment. If that's something he doesn't want, then I tell them to please not waste my time. I don't kiss on the first date, I don't have sex until I fall in love (which takes 4-6 months usually). But I always make my intentions clear. And I would like the same respect. I'd respect a person more if they told me they didn't really want a relationship, just sex. Would I give this person a chance? No. But I'd respect them more if they did that than to fake interest for pussy.
    I don't mind marriage, but I do want a lifelong commitment. I want a soulmate and not just a boyfriend, not just a husband. I'm atheist, not religious FYI. I've always been like this, which is why it takes me so long to get in a relationship, I'm picky.

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    • I think most people nowadays don't care about marriage or monogamy. From what I've seen, most just want sexual relief for a while. Kinda like a "placeholder" until they find the person they actually might want to settle with. It is becoming extremely rare to find anyone, especially my age, who wants to settle or marriage.

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    • Good stuff! I always tell people, the best way to filter out guys who just want sex is to not give it up before he agrees to a relationship. If he really wants you as a girlfriend he'll be willing to wait.

      And I've had girls tell me they didn't want a relationship because they can tell I'm interested in settling down. I'm like.. Why would you ever date someone you don't think you could settle down with. -_- (But I respect the honesty)

    • Thanks for MHO :)

What Guys Said 15

  • i don't see 'settling' and marriage as mutually exclusive. to me, marriage is the final commitment saying simply 'i'm going to be with you from here on out'; it's basically reserved for when i'm absolutely sure i'll be satisfied never viewing myself with anyone else. that doesn't mean i can't be in love or fully commit myself to a girlfriend though. i've had several great long term relationships now, and i've been with someone ~3yrs and we're still very happy. of course i think about marriage, but still feel neither of us are ready. (we've talked about it) since divorce spiked so high due to all the boomer's getting married young, unprepared or whatever you want to call it, i think our generation is just more careful. plus, marriage is much less tied to being religious, so it's a bit less sacred. i think if yr in love, there's no fundamental reason you should get married; most of the time it's just legal complication of something beautiful.

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  • I was about to give up on ever finding someone when my fiancee messaged me on a dating website. She was the perfect match for me: kind, caring, very traditional and religious, and she just happened to be as inexperienced at relationships as I am (we are each others' first relationship). I don't think I could see myself marrying anyone else but her. She's a pretty rare catch in this day and age.

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  • Meh, marriage is kind of a bum deal for guys. Ruins your finances, and that's about it. You can have everything that a marriage offers without getting married, including committed monogamy and children if that's your thing.

    So yeah, in general, I'd say it's no longer valid to expect marriage.

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  • I don't think it's a valid assumption any more.

    I think you've just got to be honest about what you want. Don't waste your time or your partner's by failing to raise the subject.

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    • Thank you that is great advice and I always make sure that the person know of what I want at the begging

  • I think a lot of guys don't want to get married anymore because husbands and fathers are portrayed in popular culture as morons and losers. Who wants to bust their ass working to try to support a family while being treated as a loser. And if things go badly, guys usually get the rotten end of the deal in divorce. Courts still treat women as victims in divorce and given them most of the couple's assets along with kids, child support payments, and alimony.

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  • I've never dated but yeah I feel like I'm the only person who wants to marry my high school girlfriend (if I had one).

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    • Awwh that's sweet. I think marriage is the only reason people should try dating to begin with, ao they know wether they could make a forever lasting thing.

    • I know right? But if I ever told that to anyone at my school they'd laugh and think I'm fucking nuts. When did dating become something that doesn't point to a long future together?

    • I have no idea !! But I personally like to feel like I'm working towards something and not just waist my time

  • Oh come on, all you need to do is establish a relationship with someone who still sees marriage as beneficial or at least desirable.

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  • I think everybody need to marry:)) soon or later

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    • I guess so. I don't really want kids so I'm not in a rush nor see it as an obligation. If some guy still wanted marriage, then ok but he would have to accept it'll be a childfree marriage.

  • No they're not. Although it is wrong to get married solely because you've been in a relationship long "enough".

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    • Generally, marriage rates change with the economy. There are still a lot of guys that eventually want marriage and kids

    • I agree I also want forever kind of love too haha

  • There are some committed guys left out there. Hang in there you'll find one

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  • I personally would like too it's a huge goal of mine, yeah there are a lot more people now who shrug it off but there are plenty of guys wondering if women take it seriously anymore too, (I'm one of them$

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  • marriage is finished in this era everyone is cheating on everyone is the heat of the moment, there is the excitement of wanting out on the mountain

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  • I'm on the other side of the world bby

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  • I'm in the same boat, buddy. -_-

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  • In a modern society is it unrealistic to ASSUME marriage is the end goal for both parties. You had better get used to the idea of discussing your future with your partner and not just assuming they want the same things as you.

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    • I likely phrased the question a little vaguelly. Yeah I agree talking at the beginning is the way to go. Luckily me and my partner already had this convo and he pretty much wants the same thing as I. I was just wondering was the general vibe of how people feel about it.

What Girls Said 3

  • If you go for a guy that is not devoted to religion... yeah

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    • It's okay to get married but don't expect it to last forever.

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    • I value it too and I have my own income. Honestly its not to do with security more with having a righ life partner

    • Are you a czech?

  • I feel the exact same way as you. Marriage and kids is my goal

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  • Just because you want to invest time in someone does not mean they will automatically invest time in you. This is just the reality. I think it's important for a person not to wear their heart on their sleeve and don't think that just because you expect certain things doesn't mean he will. That is why it is important to get to know a guy and his motivations

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