The guy I'm dating is an emotional mess. What do I do?

I've been seeing this one guy for the past 3 months or so now. On our second date, he told me that he has been 'hurt' a lot in the past and even asked me "would you say you have been hurt more or have hurt someone?"

Apparently, he's been cheated on, rejected etc. Now, about three weeks ago or so he wanted to break up. I agreed to it and told him that I wanted him to be happy and if this relationship wasn't giving him happiness, then I wished him all the best. Three days by and he sent me a text message, saying he felt "strange" and that he cared about me and also felt nice when talking to me. We agreed to talk things through and meet up.

When we met up, he started saying he didn't deserve me and that he didn't know what he wanted. He said I was too good and that he hasn't been able to hold a relationship in the past etc.. He also said he was a "broken man" because he loved this one girl five years ago, but she didn't want him. He also said he would never love someone like that.

I told him that if that was what he wanted, then I should go home and that we both deserved to be with someone who would make us happy. I also told him that I was wasting my time, because he clearly didn't want the same as me.

As I put on my coat and told him I was going home, he started saying things like "why are you going home?" and "go and date other guys" because I told him that there were plenty of guys, who were asking to date me. He then started caressing my hair and my face, eventually kissing me.

His tone changed and he started saying that he would try and work on things. The next day, he texted me and called me petnames like nothing had happened and said we should meet during the week again.

Does he have emotional problems from his past rejections or what? I don't know what to do anymore and he has left me confused. Everytime I mention breaking up he acts like a helpless kid..


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Most Helpful Guy

  • What interests me about this is that you have been with him for 3 months or more. Usually men like this, who are hurt inside, will repulse women and not be able to form a relationship at all.

    This means you must see some things genuinely good in him, and I would stick it out.

    As the young lady character Florence Marr in the film "Greenberg" put it, "Hurt people, hurt people," but not intentionally.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Greenberg_(film)

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    • I have found him to be a good guy and I've been hurt in the past too, so I understand his emotions to some degree.

What Guys Said 3

  • Yes, he has problems and you do not want to try and fix him. This will be a long process without him getting help and this time for you will be wasted. I say that because at the end of it all you will have seen the process, which is not good and he as a result (and yourself) will probably not want to be together.
    It is best that he sees a therapist for maybe a year and he does that on his own and see what kind of a man he is once he has resolved his demons. (from a distance).

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    • I feel incredibly sorry for him to be honest. I'm thinking that he might have to see a therapist too, because he clearly needs to talk to someone about his problems. He doesn't have a good relationship with his mother either and dislikes her.

    • Yes, problems with mother is also a reason to see a therapist because that can transmit to all sorts of problems with women in general. I think it is better to tell him that he needs to get himself together with a therapist and without you complicating the process. A therapist has no bias and it is best that he does this alone so that he can manage the process in private. It can get worse before it gets better.

  • Hmmm, he can't handle himself so he won't be able to handle you when you need help. Sounds like a melodramatic pussy honestly. He is a helpless kid, so don't make yourself stay with him if you don't want to date a helpless kid.

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  • well i think you should not depended on him,, i suggest that leave him alone..

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What Girls Said 3

  • Sounds like he simply isn't ready for a relationship. Having quick emotional ups and downs like that is not good. He needs to work on himself before he gets into something serious. I suggest you move on.

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  • Sweetie he is not emotionally stable for a relationship. Find someone that is on your sanity level. It would be too much hassle, time, commitment, and insecurity issues.

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    • Yes, I have realised that he has insecurity issues because he doesn't seem to trust me either. He doesn't believe that I should have guy friends..

    • That is a red flag. Pure jealousy and signs of being controlling. Find someone that is worth your time and that doesn't have so many problems. You don't need that.

  • He needs to get himself together before he's with someone.

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