When girls ask guys on dates, is it anything like the dates guys ask girls on?

I've never been asked out on a date by a girl, but I understand that's becoming more common. I was just wondering, would a girl walk up to me, bold as anything and ask me to come to her place at a time convenient to her, pick her up and take her somewhere she wanted to go, pay for everything, hold open doors, pull out chairs, etc. and then take her home and walk her to her front door, like every date I've been on? Or do they offer to do all that stuff for guys? I think I'd be insulted either way. Is there something else you ask guys to do on dates? Are there different "rules"?

  • I ask guys to pay for my shit
    13% (7)31% (12)21% (19)Vote
  • I try to get guys by buying them stuff
    8% (4)8% (3)8% (7)Vote
  • I have a different approach, which I will explain
    79% (41)61% (24)71% (65)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I have a story for this one lol. I was going to go to homecoming alone, but decided not to last minute. I told my guy friend that I was going, and asked him to come with me. I really wanted him to come (he was hesitant), so I told him that I would pay, and drive him to homecoming. That was actually the very first date I went on lol. I didn't think of it as a date then, but it was. I picked him up, took him to dinner, we ate, and I paid. Then we went to homecoming. The "rules" were only different in that I drove him (only because he didn't have transportation though), and I paid (only because I said I would).

    I'd say that, for the most part, if a girl asks you on a date, she is not expecting you to do any work. I would shame the girl who asked you to pick her up when she is the one asking you on a date. That is like asking to go on a date lol. But I think, just to be fun, some girls (I would) hold the door open for the guy, treat him "extra special", etc. I mean, you made the initiative to ask the guy out on the date, why wouldn't you lol. So yes, the rules do change a bit, in my opinion and experience.

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What Girls Said 13

  • If I ask, I pay for him. I don't agree with a man paying all the time. And if it continues to turn into something that might go somewhere (towards a relationship) I'll take turns with him on who takes the bill. If it's a first date, I usually pay for my own bill unless he absolutely insists on doing it. But keep in mind, I know some girls who will never pay for themselves. I just feel like if she asked, she should take it. If she really doesn't have much money there's no harm in going to a coffee shop. It doesn't have to be fancy. I also don't expect a guy to pull my chair or open car doors for me - though one guy has ever done that and I was very impressed by it. I don't think there's really rules to be honest. Just make it a conversation topic on what she likes in guys and how she wants to be treated. As long as he's not an ass and shows some kind of courtesy, I'd be happy with that.

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    • So, would you say, you pay when you ask, but you're paying for entertainment/diversion, not to impress or display intent? I've taken turns buying lunch or something with coworkers or classmates. If I'm with a woman, I like to set a reasonable expectation that she'll tell me we're through before she starts fucking other guys. That's where the formalities come in; so it's unequivocally dating. (never helps, though. they always feel free to fuck other guys)

      Does it bother you if the guy tries to pay when you asked?

    • Well I'm a virgin so I don't go around fucking other guys but I'm pretty sure I'm a one man kind of gal so if I'm dating, I'll only be dating one man at a time (which also goes for sex as I can't see myself having sex with different men the same time). I'll pay for dinner or dessert, or he'll pay for dinner and I'll pay for dessert, or if we go somewhere expensive we'll split the bill. Usually if he drives, I'll pay for parking since he pays for gas. I try to be as fair as I can. It doesn't matter where we go, the point is to have fun and enjoy eachother's company not stress over who pays what.

      And no it doesn't bother me if I ask and the guy wants to pay. I've asked before if men are ok with a woman paying for dates and majority said they didn't mind it but one guy said he doesn't like it when a girl pays because he gets the impression a woman will pay when she wants the date to be over so she doesn't feel like she owes a guy anything which was something I never thought about.

    • Well, I suppose it doesn't strictly have to be fucking. I just don't want to waste time with a woman who refuses exclusivity. Dating only one man at a time is a big part of that. Telling that man when the "dating" starts and ends is the other part. That's the part I have a difficult time getting out of a girl. You can take her out a couple times a week for months on end, then you ask to see her and she's "busy", then you find out she was "busy" because she was holding you in reserve while she tested the waters with the new guy. When you ask her why she didn't dump you, you find out you weren't "in a relationship".

  • I will bring him and split the bill or pay it all myself ^.^
    Who said guys are supposed to ask us out and pay for us? :P

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  • If I ask a guy out, I automatically assume the responsibility of picking up the tab and picking the location. No splitting. I personally think it's incredibly rude to ask someone to take time out of their schedule to spend time with you and expect them to pay, regardless of gender.

    As for all of the chivalry that you mentioned, I don't really give it much thought. I never expect men to pull out my chairs, open the door for me, etc because I won't be doing the same for him. If he feels the need to do so then fine.

    Oh, and just out of curiosity: why would it insult you if a girl took the initiative during dates?

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    • I'd be insulted by either of the two variations I had mentioned:
      Her demanding I buy her stuff.
      Or
      Her trying to buy me stuff.
      The reason for the former should be obvious to anyone. As to the latter, I'm just not comfortable having someone I don't know buy me stuff or do favors for me.

  • I've asked guys out but thy still insist they take the guy rule. I pay for my meal (9/10 times I do) but when it comes to door opening and. Chair stuff they always insist they do it (and get upse if you don't let them. So I just let them do what they're comfortable with

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  • I've asked a guy on a date and there we went. He behaved like he was the one who had invited me the whole time and didn't let me pay for anything =/
    I wouldn't expect to pay for both meals by myself though, to be honest.

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  • I insist on paying, i asked you didn't I?

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  • My boyfriend don't go on 'dates' per say, we will hangout, or wander around, just talking and being goofballs. If we do get food or such, we both get something that we feel the other should try, and we share. So i guess my 'approach' is to share costs.

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  • If I ask a guy on a date it's because there is somewhere I really want to go, and to me if I ask I'm paying. If the guy ask me out on the date then I expect that he's paying. I would still want him to be a gentleman either way, opening doors etc...

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    • That. . . Is very interesting. . . I need to think that over.

  • I have a different approach, that being trying to pick you up on every post you post. Ahahaha.

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  • i don't mind paying for the shit and everything BUT open the door for him and pull the chair out for him.. a BIG no i mean what is left let's just switch genders if he want a date like this. i ADoRE gentlemen the ones with the tux and opening doors and stuff like this i mean it would be the reason for why i went out on a date with him on the first place just because he is a gentleman and now he wants me to become a "gentlewoman" nah nah nah this is just wrong these are things that we like about men being gentle and classy otherwise he is just a smth he doesn't have to pay or anything just behave in this sweet way and everything will be good

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  • I pay myself.

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  • If I ask a guy on a date, I'll offer to pick up the tab, but if he says we'll spit it or he'll pay next date, then I don't argue.

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    • Not even offer so much as just be like "Nah I got dis! if he gets out his wallet"

  • Should girls not ask guys out then?

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    • I have no idea why you said that. Maybe you misunderstood the question.

What Guys Said 5

  • " pay for everything, hold open doors, pull out chairs, etc. and then take her home and walk her to her front door, like every date I've been on?" <----- that's the worst above all. if a girl demand it that and if i was driving i'd leave her far away from her home LOL

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  • When a girl asks a guy out on a date I can guarantee you that the guy is at least 3X more nervous about it than you are. And when a guy asks a girl out on a date a lot of times for them its a shot in the dark, they like you a lot but might not have any clue what you think of them. I can say this right now that its better to be completely honest with a guy from the moment you talk to him than sugar coat the truth. If you don't like him like that tell him, if he still doesn't want to let it go you can give him a chance or at least tell him what he can do to change your mind. Unless of course you just straight up don't like him at all cuz he's a jerk or something.

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  • The examples you listed are quite ''alpha'', which is not the trait you are looking for.
    When a woman is very ''alpha'', she would be busy making plans, and where's your role as a man.
    Feminine energy is about bonding and connecting with people that usually a woman should have.
    We, as men should strive for what we want. Take her out, make plans, leading to what we want are our goals. Just let her be comfortable, and we do most of the things.

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    • I know what you're talking about. I don't entirely buy into it. But yes, I agree this part is what makes it weird for them to do the asking (to the extent that it is weird).

  • I absolutely love that it's more common that women are asking men out on dates, It's actually something I preferred since when I was in high school, if someone liked me enough then they would ask me on a date or something of the like, right?(Spoilers, I didn't go on many dates in that time. :P)

    But that tangent aside, I typically go with the idea that the initiator who asked you for your time pays at least their share of a bill. I don't really feel entitled to a ride or any of the other overly chivalrous things (like opening the car door, the chair pulling ect)

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    • Dude, read their answers. They'll pay to go out, but they're only asking if they care more about the place you're going than about being with you.

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    • The tangent was meant to illude to the idea that I know that its wishful thinking to an extent, but I wanted to try be a bit more positive in my responce. either way, please accept my apologies if i bothered you with my comments.

    • You haven't bothered me at all.

  • they will feel so desperate for asking a guy and spend the whole relationship hating you and punishing you. but if you ask them on date they act like entitled princess

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    • Their answers above indicate that this is, while not an entirely fair characterization, essentially correct.

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