Is a 17 yr age gap too big?

Is a 17 yr age gap 2 big 4 a couple 2 date? Asking 4 a friend

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My friends age is 19 and her bf is 36 just 2 clear up some of the confusion

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Most Helpful Guy

  • If the two people live in a box, it's quite perfect. Unfortunately society will put up a fight with them. As long as they can handle the looks and whispers, I think it's quite acceptable. Only other thing is that one of them will most likely die much sooner than the other. Although this is in the future, it's something to think about. LOVE is blind, and love has no age (I believe). I'd rather like happily in a box, that make society happy and forever feel lost. Good luck to your friend, and give her a thumbs-up from me!

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What Guys Said 49

  • Yes, it's WAY too big except (maybe) 80 and 97

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  • Ask your friend to tell you that you can indeed type out those words instead of truncating them with numbers, I mean you literally need to press one or two more characters, it is not that difficult.

    Anyways, I personally would not date anyone who is old enough to be my mother, but legally you can do anything you want as long as you are 18 or higher.

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  • Whether age difference is an issue depends entirely on the people.
    You hear people saying "age is just a number" and altho there is some truth in this, it can still be a problem.

    @steveisbored said "The older people get the less noticeable an age gap is.." but this is not really true, in as much as it can go through the 'not a problem' stage and become a problem.

    What you tend to find is, when one of the couple is so much younger and at an early age (ie 20), they are very likely to be more interested in younger social activities whilst the older person (37) has passed this and is looking to take life a little slower - not always, of course, but typically.
    Move on 10 years and both are of an age where the younger activities have, for the most part, been enjoyed and lived thru. Now they are both likely to be more mellow in their approach to life and spend more time doing similar things, thus the age gap is less of a problem. This can be beneficial and rewarding to both, as a couple.
    Move on 15 years and now the younger person is 45. This is a good age where they still have sufficient energy and interest in various things, but the higher age of 62 can become a problem, as the person is approaching retirement age and will be looking to take things much easier.

    So there is *most likely* a few years in the middle where both people can live happily, but either side of this is likely to throw obstacles in their way due to age difference. How they deal with it, as I said before, depends entirely on the people.

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  • Nope my aunt was age 41 when she married my uncle age 57
    I knew couple she was age 19 and he was age 45 their still married
    I knew a girl who was age 17 living with guy age 50 she was telling
    her mother she was working for the guy, he gave her home, money
    she took of his house her mother didn't care but when it comes to
    friendship you think a girls age 18 shouldn't be friend with 50 year
    old man they are both age of consent least she is i see no age
    limit on having a friend as long as the girls age of consent
    i mean it would be weird for a girl age 13 to be hanging out
    with guys age 30 years old but these parents don't know
    what their teens are doing so the parent is to blame.

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  • Depends on the people involved. When I was 31 I was dating a 19 year old, a 12 year difference, and it felt right to us. Before we met, my wife dated a guy in his 40's when she was 16, which was the age of consent. She expressed no regrets about it.

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  • Depends on the ages. How old are the two?

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    • Youngest is 19

    • Oh okay. So 19 and 36. I think that's fine, but if it's a hetro relationship and the man is 36 and the girl is 19 then people might "raise a eyebrow" so to speak. They might think it's ridiculous or w/e, but that's a double standard because if it were the other way people may not care as much. Ultimately I don't see anything wrong with it.

    • K that helps and year if it was reversed less conserned

  • Um... Well I don't really see how a 37 year old could get along with a 20 year old like that, but I guess if the younger part of the relationship is of legal age in whatever country you live then sure.

    Men used to marry women significantly younger in older times. 13 year old girls would marry 30 year old men, so I guess it wouldn't be that different than history, but I think it doesn't happen anymore for a reason.

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  • It depends really. The older people get the less noticeable an age gap is. 17 Is nothing when you are like 40/57 or even 30/47 depending on the people. Obviously if its llike 18 and 35 then you are getting a bit strange, but as long as they are adults who cares

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  • As long as it's mutual love and no one's taking advantage then it seems alright. Although you'll get lots of eyes in public and most people may ebe up assuming that he's your sugar daddy, or that your gold digger or that you like DILFs, just ignore the stereotypes.

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  • Nope, that's fine. Have fun!

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  • Age is a number. Other than one of them being underage, there are no rules. Limitations are born of the fearful mind and preached as if they will make our lives better.

    The only issues with such a large age gap are maturity. 17 years is a long time. But I have also had relationships with people 12 years younger and found them more mature than people my age. It just depends on the 2 people.

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  • Depends on the age. There is a small window where I think that age difference can work. Problem is long term it catches up to you. when your 50 and he is 67, depending on physical condition, it could be a big issue.

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  • Saying that you are 18/24 and thus the guy is 35/41, I'd say yes.. Wait.. why am I even saying this, 17 y/o difference is always to big. However I must say, if you truly love him and he loves you then just go for it, fuck what people like me say :) haha.

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  • who cares about age gaps anyway

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  • My Father was 25 years older than my mother. You can't choose love. Love chooses you. Take into account different wants and needs. Usually an older man will be looking to settle down and find someone who he can have a mature relationship with. Younger women will more likely be looking for love and the feeling of being wanted.

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  • Meh. If it's not broken don't fix it. Meaning if they're good together and they like eachother and enjoy eachothers company then what's the issue? Social norms?

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  • depends on the people and their focus. When i was 39 i had a 25 year old after me and we had a similar outlook on life and career, but i did look at least 5 years younger which helped.

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    • Lol i will say this they look closer in age then they are

  • Likr marrying a father figure.

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  • Not much i think

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  • Only if you think it's too big. Asking for other people to "approve" your relationship reeks of insecurity.

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  • No its not

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  • Yes this age gap is too big because in these days things move fast, when you were born he was a 17 year old guy and now he is matured and probably his mental age is higher and really different of your's so you will always face problems getting along and if you did get along someday somehow you'll eventually get bored and search for someone your age

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  • Depends on the ages, 15 and 32 would pose an obvious problem lol but I don't see anything wrong with 20 and 37, women tend to prefer older men probably because they're more mature than younger ones

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  • I go by the "1/2 your age + 7" rule. Example if the older is 30, it is within good taste to date someone at least 22 or older.

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    • nnaa then my GF should be at least 25.5 yo and she only turned 23 a little over a month ago.

      Obviously I can't agree with such strict rules, something far more important is maturity level, personality, personal interest and finally our goal in life.

  • It's pretty big. When you just hit 30 he is already 47 years old. When you just started developing wrinkles around 40, he is almost already bald. It's okay for couples but not really advisable if you planning to get married with him. But love brats against all odds, so who knows.

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    • the guy I like is bald... lol he started balding at 16!

  • In general, yes, it is too big an age gap. There may be some exceptions, but I doubt any of them apply to you.

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  • i just went through this about 5minutes ago. meet this girl off tinder. got along awesome. soon as the age come out she stopped talking to me. and that was 20 for her and 28 for me. she said im too old for her

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  • It depends where you both are in life.

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  • Depends on the age.. The older you ar the better

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  • it is a big age gap for any couple to date.. In old times, people had no problem with age gaps.. but now a days.. It is

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    • I dont agree. There are many people where a man is 65 and his wife 45. There is nothing wrong with that in the past or modern times. There are plenty of examples where it works.

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What Girls Said 34

  • Of course it is. They are both at different stages in life.

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  • Depends on your age I guess. I had a friend who was dating a 29year old guy when she was 15 and we found it kind of gross... But we probably wouldn't think much of it if she were 35 and her partner 49. Being a teenager and dating someone with a huge age gap can have a lot of practical trouble. For example.
    -The older one wants to live together, while the younger can't because he/she is still in school and is dependent on his/her parents.
    -There might also be a problem with handling each others friends. (gossiping or just very different interests)
    -You will have very different views on life.
    -The older one might want to start with children as soon as possible, but the younger one wants to wait.
    -The older one might be impatient and wants the younger one to start working as soon as possible so they'd have 2 incomes, but that will be a problem if the younger one is still studying.
    -The older one may have a more older, more conservative view on life (eg 'women should do the cooking'). This can result in fights.
    -The older one is way more experienced in sex and may want to start with the sexy stuff too soon for the younger one.
    etc...
    I think these problems are less significant if you have passed your student years... So an age gap in the teenage years give some troubles along the way, but that doesn't mean that they can't overcome these troubles and have a meaningful relationship.

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  • My boyfriend is 17 years older than me, it can definitely work out

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    • Are you serious?

    • @convo_king89 yeah, is that a problem for you?

    • its just shocking.. you dont see it everyday... the first thing that comes to mind.. the younger girl like him for the money, and if it happends the other way around ( the guy is younger and the girl is older) it becomes even more uncommon and the first thing that comes to mind well she must be super hot

  • Yes it is.

    On one hand I feel like two consenting adults can do whatever they please. It's not my business or place to judge. On the other hand I just have to say from my own personal experience (though it was not even that large of an age gap) it is difficult to create a long-lasting relationship with someone in a different phase of their life.

    Long story short, the younger one wants to experience life and is in a different place. The older one is more set in their ways and may want different things because of it. Not to say it couldn't work out, but sometimes love isn't enough.

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  • It depends on many factors.
    If one of them is under 16 the law says yes.
    If the girl is 16-17 and the male is older... Jail
    If the boy is 16-17 and the female is older... Society doesn't really notice. (Don't believe me.. Google)
    If they are both over 18 and the older one is a female, no one seems to care.
    If the older one is male... people get upset and label the male negative things.
    It's an annoying double standard and is wrong, but no less true.

    But I am going to assume from the writing in the question that you are under 18 and that your friend is also... and chances are it's a she, so if you were 17 max, that puts the male at 34, so yeah he would go to jail.

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    • My friend is 19

    • OK so she is legally permitted to make her own decisions. People will probably frown on the older guy dating a young girl but F them. What to adults do is their business, right.
      Just tell her to be careful. The generational gap could lead to some headaches.
      He was around before the internet, she grew up in the tech bubble. It's two different worlds so besides physical, I can't see what they would have in common.

    • Lol met online personality and mutual interest b4 even shared pics lo. She didn't believe me when i said it was OK

  • People say that age is just a number. To me, it's more that just a number... Dude 17 year old age gap? Are you clueless or something? Honestly some relationships didn't work out because of a massive age gap... You know why? Here's why...
    People want different things... Age can effect your personal traits and hobbies.. Like in their 20s they're still young and want to have fun and all [ most of them ] while the other one is in their 30s or 40s are looking for something serious[most of them] and sometimes our interest and their interest don't clique and it'll end in no time... Well I'm just saying most of relationships don't have a happy ending.. But some have.. But honestly it's really rare and I'm just afraid that your relationship is going to end bad because you want totally different things and you can't cope that and figure things out... I'm just afraid that you'll get hurt or something...
    Then there's the physical appearance... Age can also affect appearance [ obviously ] and when you walk together with your bf people with think that you're just taking a walk with your uncle or something [ no offence but it's kinda true ] and probably he'll feel offended and hurt :( then you're starting to have a fight or something... I'm not forcing you to break up with him or something but that's just how I feel about age gaps... It could ended up like a fairytale or your worst nightmare... It depends all depends on God and your destiny.. :)

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    • God and your destiny... hahaha that's a good one... God and destiny...

    • Hahaha it's true :) I'm a Christian if you must know and I have faith... :)

  • YES!!! IT IS BIG!!!

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  • There's no answer to this question. It's not about the number, it's about the experiences you've made. As you might have noticed, there are many many couples that break up even though they're close in age, and there are some couples that do work out for a long time even though there are decades between them, and vice versa.

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  • If both over the age 18 than no.

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  • It depends how old the people with age gap are, if one person is below the age of 25, then definitely, way too big, but if these are older people like 60+ then I don't think age really matters then. For couples ages between 25-60 that age gap depends on how mature they are. If the one that is 17 years younger is very mature and the older one acts younger than their age then that's a situation where it might work, but generally it's a big age gap.

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  • Why care what people think about age gap if they like each other? Only they decide if it's a too big gab or not.

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  • In this day in age, it is a little socially unacceptable, but I guess if it's real, then who's to stop them?

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  • It depends on the couple. It's not for everyone.

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  • Yes. I think the age gap is too big if the other person could be your parent. So for me 12-13 years is the max or too big of a gap. But this is only my opinion. You have to live your life.

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  • Yes, it is. I wouldn't date someone who has age to be my father or older brother.

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  • I think it depends in your age and where you are in your life. If a 18yr old guy or girl were to date a 35yr old I'd think thats a little crazy.

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  • That's old enough to date your dad!

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  • When she was born, the guy was 17 (final year of high school).
    When she was in her final year of elementary/year 6, the guy would have had a job and out there in the working world.

    Is that age gap too big?

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  • well it depends, are you 20 and he's 37?

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  • You know what... give me George Clooney and I will deal with age difference

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  • In my opinion, yes. Unless you're like 50 and above.

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  • No age is just a number. Its the age you are mentally that might cause a problem.

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  • It depends how old u are and t
    Your level of maturity, I met 39 year olds that act like teenagers

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  • I think that it is huge age gap when the person is old enough to be your parent.

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    • Acctually the guy is her siblings age and her dad is twice his age

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    • I know lol he had 2 pass family and friend inspection b4 being able 2 date

  • It's ok if the man is the older one, not if it's the woman, that's just grosssssssssssss

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    • I agree

    • Of course, women mature a lot sooner than guys, and most guys who are 18-24 look childish, while girls in their age look like proper adults.

  • Hugh Hefner. .. boom

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  • I think it's a bit much but depends what age you both are

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  • oh yes in deed!

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  • Age is but a number, if your love is real age won't matter, my aunt and uncle love eachother alot, they are 15 years apart

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  • It depends like if your 17 and someone is 27 kind seems wrong but if your like 24 with 34 doesn't seem so wrong, very enological but seems that way

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