Being a nice guy doesn't get you a girlfriend?

I'm different to most people my age, I don't go out and partyand I don't actually know why, I don't drink or do drugs because of what I've seen growing up. I know I'm a nice guy, I've been told I'm attractive by many females, I'm not a boring person, People think I'm funny and one of a kind. I would rather spend a day in the city exploring and finding nice places to eat with a girl than invite a girl to a party. I know I'm not a boring person, I don't know if because I don't party that people see me as boring though. Throughout my life I've liked girls and they have liked me back, yet I never end up with them. Girls have asked me "how am I single" and "you'd be the best boyfriend" But I'm still single. I want a girlfriend that I can cherish and protect, a girlfriend that I can spend all my spare time with whether it's doing something interesting or sitting in a room talking. I know I have a lot of love in my heart but I am yet to let it out. I've been hurt by girls before, generally party girls. Being 18 makes it hard to find a girl that doesn't party lol. Anyway, my question is.. Is there anything unattractive about a guy that treats people/women right? Is it because I'm not into going to clubs and wasting my nights? Or is it just because girls don't want to give nice guys a chance because they think it'll be boring?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Sad to say, nice guys finish last. Do not pay attention to what women say, look at what they do. Women your age want the bad boys, the arseholes.
    This is called the bad boy phase. It occurs between the ages of 15 and about 30 in most females. They find the bad boys more 'exciting'. The fact that the bad boys are worthless pieces of shit who treat them badly and are absolutely not husband material does not occur to their feeble little minds. I say feeble, because it has been my observation that there are few creatures on Earth as stupid and self destructive as the young female, especially the young white female.
    About age 30, when they can begin to hear their ovaries ticking, most females begin to look around for a better class of male. Someone such as you.
    They expect decent young men who sit around for years, then be gripped by raptures of gratitude and excitement when the females finally begin to take an interest in them. There is nothing fair about this process.
    I was in much the same situation as yourself: honours graduate, army officer, martial artist, television presenter and newspaper journalist, I was even prevailed upon to so some modelling.
    My mother and her friends used to ask why I did not have a girlfriend, because I was "so good looking" (their words), had a blossoming media career, liked designer clothes and European cars, had taste and the money to indulge it. I went more than a year between dates, at times. For a while my poor mother thought that I might have been queer.
    The fact was, that a clean cut young man who had a lot to offer was not what the girls wanted. They wanted worthless pieces of shit, because they were more "exciting".
    Funny thing, the same girls who rejected me were prone to call me and beg for help when they needed money, or someone to protect them when the relationship with their latest psycho boyfriend went pear shaped.
    You might get lucky, but more likely you will have to wait until you are past 30.

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    • REAL TALK this is MHO right here.. 100%

    • Show All
    • @darthmaul15 A warrior's soul. Hummm. Interesting. In all those years I had not considered that as a factor. The things I experience with the army did make some changes. I have been told that I have what our American friends call the 1,000 yard stare, at times. I have fought on in martial arts tournaments with broken fingers, toes, ribs, almost lost the sight of one eye (all the skin was ripped off the cornea) and with a right bicep that was torn in two. It is just not in me to stop fighting, except when it comes to women. In that area, I applied the first and second principles of military tactics. 1. Fight only the battles that you can win. 2. Do not reinforce defeat.

    • @cth96190, was actually agreeing with you as well, and upvoted you. i think woman have two choices go with the dodgy guy that approaches them, or approach a good guy themselves, they choose to go with the dodgy guy and delude themselves into thinking he will "change". Personally i have already given up on woman and visit prostitutes instead.

What Girls Said 11

  • Firstly, don't try to be something you're not in order to get a girl. From how you describe yourself, you sound decent. Therefore, you may be dating the wrong types of girls. & if partying isn't your thing then do what is. There are plenty of fun things you can do besides party all the time. & a party person isn't girlfriend/boyfriend material anyway. To be honest, parties & nightclubs are mostly for "single people".

    Secondly, most of the times, guys say, "nice guys finish last" when a girl they like friend-zones them, or doesn't like them back. Typically, women don’t reject guys just because they are nice. When a woman half-heartedly describes a guy, saying “I mean he’s really nice, it’s just…”, you should focus on the last half of the sentence & not the first half. Often ‘nice’ is code for needy, boring, insecure, socially awkward or bad in bed. Women are just too nice to say it. Other adjectives (such as awkward, juvenile, annoying, unattractive, obnoxious) sound cruel or b*t*hy, too. Moreover, chemistry plays a major role; women can recognize a good guy but that doesn’t mean she actually feels anything for him. You can be the ideal guy (handsome, charming, etc), but if she doesn't feel any chemistry then she's going for the guy she does feel it with.

    & lastly, there's a huge difference between nice & a doormat. Being nice means to be considerate, respectful (of yourself & others), & helping others "selectively" when it doesn’t hurt or inconvenience you badly. However, people-pleasers allow people to walk over them. They try too hard to please; putting everyone before their own well-being or needs. Plus, this type of person has no backbone; lacking the proper amount of self-respect to be self-assertive. Basically what I'm saying is: you can be kind & friendly without giving yourself away to everyone who wants something.

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  • You should be very proud of yourself because you are unique! Boys like you are very rare these days and the fact that you don't go to clubs and don't drink alcohol doesn't make you boring at all. On the contrary it means that you can have fun without drinking. I personally myself also don't go to clubs that's why my friends think I'm a bit weird, but I don't pay any attention because I'm proud of what I am. So don't worry be yourself and never change for anyone. I think you are perfect and every girl would like to be with you

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  • There is nothing wrong with you. You are perfectly fine just don't try so hard and the right girl will come ^^

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  • not all girls party at 18. you need to switch your social circle up and meet more homebody type girls who like to sit in the house

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  • There are a lot of factors that contribute to attraction
    - Looks
    - Personality
    - Chemistry/connection
    - Cultural background
    - Values

    Whether you will get depend on where you are looking at - like is your social circle large enough

    etc

    Being nice can or cannot get you a girlfriend, i know many of my nice guy friends are married and have children now.

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  • I don think your problem is that you don't party or being the nice guy.
    I just think you go after the wrong girls.
    Unfortunately most teenagers and young people (20's) party a lot and therefore it might be difficult for you to find someone like that. But they are there, heck I'm one if them! (No clubs only private party).
    Have you thought about the places you meet the girls? Because that can have a major thing to do with it as well.
    I wish you good luck.

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  • You can be a nice guy but you can't take risks and be a little daring... forget it... it doesn't do anything for you. Living life is about seizing carpe diems

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  • The whole " Nice guys finish last" crap is bs.
    My best friend is 23 years old, doesn't party or do drugs and is a total sweetheart.
    He has no problem getting girls, the only problem is that he's not just nice, but he lets people take advantage of him.
    All of his girlfriends treat him like shit.
    There are plenty of "Nice guys" who have girlfriends, so please stop pretending that there isn't and that if there is any "problem" with you it could only be your "niceness".

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    • So there you go.
      A nice guy can find a girl, if he's prepared to let her walk all over him and treat him like shit.
      She won't treat other guys like that.

    • @Tractorbeam he went after "that kind" of girl.
      He knew she was a bitch, but since she was "hot" he pursued her.
      There were other pretty "nice" girls he could've went out with, but he personally chose not to.
      It's not like the ones he chose were the only girls that would date him.
      & There's a difference between being nice and letting people take advantage over you.

  • Being nice alone won't get you a girlfriend.

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  • Are you in Melbourne Australia?

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  • At 18, a majority of girls probably will still be going through their bad boy phase, and most likely won't go for the nice guys. However, once girls reach their mid-to-late 20's they will get tired of chasing around bad boy and dealing with their jerkiness, and look for nice guys that they want to be with long-term. At least, this is how I feel now. While being a nice guy may not pay off for you now, I guarantee things will change.

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What Guys Said 11

  • Mate, if they say "you'd be the best boyfriend ever", you can easily make a move by saying "do you want me to be?" or something and if they are like "eww hell no" you can laugh it off as a joke.

    Although your problem is probably that you are associating with the wrong females, it seems like a likely possibility of they value partying and drugs so much. A relationship with someone so different would never work. A relationship is based upon that two people find each other admirable and being in a relationship with each other is mutually beneficial for both sides.

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  • Ah, the whole "nice guy doesn't get a gf" problem.

    I believe i can answer that. It's not because you're a nice guy, and it's likely not because you're boring. It's because you're not assertive enough. Bad guys got confidence, they do as they wish, and they don't give a shit what other people think. That makes them look like strong individuals, and that is attractive to a girl.
    Nice guys... well, they often don't have that.
    That's what nice guys need. Confidence, assertiveness, the ability to stand their ground firmly! That's what bad buys have that nice guys lack!

    Also you might want to recinsider who you're trying to date. Don't go ater party girls for serious relationships. instead, try the kinda quiet girl at the library, the one who stays out of the spotlight and doesn't really want to dance at the party... go for girls like yourself!

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    • Thanks! that actually really made me think and it makes sense! And about the quiet girl part, I would be extremely lucky to find 1 girl like that where I live, their are some girls that are similar to me in a lot of ways (other than the partying) That I have been close with in the past, but now I think the thing that failed me is the lack in confidence. Thanks a bunch!

    • Also it could be a factor that party girls isn't looking for something lasting, and that they kinda expect nice guys to expect something lasting...

      But yeah, it really does make sense. So many guys fail to realize you need confidence!

  • Nice guys do get girlfriends. One of my friends has this amazing girlfriend atm. I go to med school with this guy, and he is dating a girl older than him and who is one of the smartest girls in the school (she's got a few scholarships). I know him personally, and i know for a fact that he is a nice guy. Frankly, a lot of girls like guys like nice guys. The nice guy debate has really skewed things, and made the term nice guy into a bad word... though that may be because a lot of guys who aren't nice tend to use that term for themselves (either that (or they pretend to be some super intellectual nerd that girls are repulsed by because they are just too damn smart). You just need to be more assertive and show interest early. You have to take a risk, and not make excuses.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6pyBOXfeIEA

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  • You live in Australia, so finding a girl that is quiet there, especially you're age is going to be difficult as everyone will be on Overseas Experiences and such. You could try going to clubs and such, I mean you don't have to drink or do any drugs, but some of those quiet girls are dragged along by their friends to these clubs, you'll be surprised. Anyway, one club can't be to much of a waste of time, really? Just don't take any pingas.

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  • You can't just be nice... You have to have looks too. And be fun to be around. But being nice alone will just make you a friend. Trust me, I know because I am that guy :(

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  • i am also like that, my friend say to me you are so simple and good human being. But i am single?

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  • Niceness on its own won't get you a woman, but it is an important characteristic in what women want from men.

    Niceness on its own just doesn't cut it, it's not enough for men, so why should be enough for women? Also there are many self-confessed nice guys around and they aren't nice at all. It's a superficial act in order to manipulate a girl into taking her knickers off.

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  • girls think bad boys are more exciting than nice guys, even if the guy ends up beating them they still stay with him cos "he loves them" . your only hope is to become a rich guy, ladies love rich guys.

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  • Well i am just like u! but it does not mean that not going out would be reason for not getting a girlfrnd! but honestly girls prefer nice guys a lot but only the mature ones. and for the immature ones dont give even a shit to them cz they r all in fantasy!!
    you will soon find your type if u dont go out and looking for girlfrnds bcz outside u see girls who r mostly immature (i mean in parties and clubs)

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  • People considered me as a nice guy as well and i think that nice guy will attract more girls. I'm in a situation where girls like me and i can't decide which one yet

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  • correct nice guys finish last

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