He says he's not in love with me... would you keep seeing him?

If the person that you are seeing says he's not in love with you, but wants to see where things could go... would you?

We've been seeing each other exclusively for 5 months, but it's not official.

I've never been one to date casually, and he told me he would never string me along or play with my emotions, he just wants to take things slow... but I also don't want to get too emotionally invested.

I'm an over-thinker and my mind is everywhere, so I'm just looking for some opinions on what you would do in my situation...


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Most Helpful Girl

  • My bf told me the same thing after 7 months of being together. It hurt, even though I wasn't quite in love yet either (double standard I know, but my ego was hurt). But at the end of the day I knew he was crazy about me, and our relationship was fantastic, so I chose to appreciate his honesty and keep going.

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    • So happy to have found someone who can relate! This is exactly how I am feeling... just couldn't find the words to describe it. I think it's just hearing those words out loud that stings a little. I know that we still need to get to know each other more for me to be "in love" with him too, but it's not fun hearing the guy you care about say he doesn't "love you"...

      I appreciate that he has always been honest with me though, I would never want that to change because there are no heart games being played... Thank you so much!

    • No worries :) yeah its definitely the kind of thing you'd rather leave unsaid, but in reality its fair and understandable.

What Guys Said 2

  • Look it's very simple you two are already emotionally invested in this thing it doesn't matter if you say you don't want to be the fact is you are. So my advice is just see where it goes it's normal for people to not be completely sure where things are going but it's always like this and if you just let things happen naturally everything will be like it should be in the end. Just don't complicate things. :)

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    • So true, I am completely fine with seeing where things go because I mean, it has been five months but there are still so many things we need to know about one another. I think it was the initial shock of him using the L word and saying that he was not in love with me that made me feel a little shitty haha. But I am happy where things are, and want to see where things can go... thanks for the straight up answer!

  • Sounds like he's just honest.
    5 months is way too soon to be truly in love with someone.
    Just ride this one out.

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    • Thanks. That's what I really appreciate about him... his honesty. It just hurt that he said it out loud, I guess? I would prefer for him to be honest with me, than just playing with my emotions, but that was kinda brutal :/ I do love him, but I need to time to be 'in love' with him too... I am glad that for him being in a relationship means being in love with the person.

What Girls Said 4

  • Rome wasn't built in a day, as the old saying goes, and neither is a turning the stone that needs Time for nursing and nurturing. It's only been less than 6 months and counting and I am Thinking, for being wise as an owl, that he is telling you the Facts, Not Fictional------He just wants to take things slow.
    Don't wear your heart on your sleeve right now. Just go "Slow" with Joe and see where it leads. It sounds as though with just "Investing" some time in getting to know one another better, it might lead down a good path of partnership in the future and Not down a beaten one.
    Life is no guarantee but with only death and taxes. And of course any newbie relationship is just a gamble. However, if you both are starting off on the right foot, in the right direction, in taking baby steps you have more of a chance that the bough won't break, but grow stronger and with This----Feelings naturally grow, even to love down the line.
    If it is meant for old Mother Nature to sow the seeds you have both already planted, then she will reap them into a ripe romance.
    Good luck. xx

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    • So true... I am a very organized person by nature, so that translates into my love life too with needing to know where I stand, etc. I know I need to let things just happen naturally. Thank you so much!

    • Yes, and with time, I am sure that the writing will be on the wall, whether to continue or find someone who is More into what you want... It's still early, not even a year yet, and if it were a year and maybe "Not counting," then I would be concerned, yes... You're so welcome too, glad to oblige. xx

  • 5 months to love someone can be too quick. Just let it happen. If by a year there's no intense feelings, I would break it off. Most people know by then if it's more than a like. Keep yourself back a little if you don't want to get hurt but keep in mind that he's a human being too and everyone progresses at their own pace.

    Good luck!

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    • Thanks so much! Your answer definitely makes me feel better. I think that 5 months is quick... I love him, but am I 'in love with him'? I feel like we still have a lot to learn from each other, but I do really care about him and that's why the 'what are we?' talk was brought up because I don't want to get too emotionally invested if we're not on the same page. Everything else he said was understandable and we do have the same goals for what this could be, just the L bomb was a little intense for me. I wasn't expecting it, but then when he said upfront "i'm not in love with you'... it just stung a little :/

    • That's understandable. I feel by now you two should establish something - some sort of relationship. Men ate different creatures so they do things for different reasons. If you have to be official to carry on, let him know. If he doesn't like it, then I'd think something was up.

  • I wouldn't leave, it's only been five months you can't expect someone to be completely in love with you by then...

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    • Of course, I would never expect that. I do think 5 months is early to be in love with someone too. I just felt like it was a little harsh to hear him say that when I was asking where our "relationship" was headed. But I do like that he is always honest with me. The L word is a fickle thing sometimes lol.

    • Lol yeah, don't be offended as I'm sure his intentions weren't to be harsh

  • If a guy tells me he isn't interested in me, I would let him go
    I dont see the point to hang out together

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    • he said he's not in love with her. that's totally different things.. and it's only been five months-_-

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    • I had brought up the 'what are we' talk because it has been five months. I was more-so looking for where we stood, but he was the one that brought up "love". I wasn't expecting him to even use that word, so that's why it hit me like a ton of bricks. I do love him, but still need to get to know him (which is normal in any relationship) to be in love with him... so it was just intense to hear him say 'i'm not in love with you' out loud.

    • Yes I wld be disappointed too

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