I like this guy but he basically just said I'm just a hook up to him - how to respond?

Have been majorly crushing on a guy for a while now. We've hooked up twice in two weeks time while being out in a club. After the second time, I made it clear to him that it felt like more than just a hook up to me because I really really liked him. He responded by saying he really liked me too. I was quite happy but the next day he texts me to "clarify" some things we talked about:

"Just to clarify, I do really like you! But I'm just being quite restrained and trying to have fun atm because I came out of such a long relationship so recently."

The text basically implies I'm just a hook up and I'm not sure how to respond. I certainly wasn't expecting to jump into a serious relationship but I was hoping the hookups would lead into something more eventually... But I'm assuming a text like this means he just doesn't see it that way? Would it generally mean that he's just not interested in me that way (with the past relationship just being an excuse?) or is there a serious possibility for more in the future?

Not sure what the best way is to respond. Should I play it cool and say I'm just looking for fun as well? Should I admit that I find that really unfortunate? Or should I say I understand and suggest we meet up sometime outside of bars and nightclubs (in order to then see if there is a possibility for slowly progressing into something more)?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • When a guy says something like that--take it at face value. He isn't looking for a relationship from you. The more you hookup with him, the more attached to him you will get. But his mind won't be changing anytime soon. These things translate into you getting hurt.

    I won't tell you what to do, but if I were you, I would do the following: Tell him you find it really unfortunate, that you want to respect his feelings on coming out of a relationship, and that you think it's better that you don't keep seeing each other just so no one gets confused/hurt (don't say you don't want to get hurt--instead, that no one gets hurt)--but say you are open to talking to him again in the future, and that you hope he feels better about the breakup he had.

    Then stop talking to him and start seeing other guys. You've left the lines of communication open, but it will fall on him to get things rolling--and if he does start talking to you again, screen him to make sure he isn't just trying to setup a hookup again, because you will have made it clear you saw more potential. But he will likely be more interested in a relationship under this scenario (more likely, not that he will--don't get your hopes up!) because you were laid back and chill, didn't put pressure on him for more, had nice, clear boundaries, and didn't cause any drama--whether or not he wants a relationship, it will leave an impression on him.

    Hope that helps ;)

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What Guys Said 4

  • Hey, you started your relationship off with him as a loose chick who doesn't care about the kind of man she gives herself to. You shouldn't expect him to want a future with a slut.

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  • When a girl has sex early in a relationship the guy will never think of that girl in the long term because he's already reached the end of the road so why go further there's no reason too. If you really like this guy you need to say I want a relationship with you and I want to start over because right now he doesn't want to do that with you because he's already gotten what he wants. Why have feelings and sex when you can just have sex ya know?

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  • i'd say: "hey, got the message, and i still like you! :D"
    play it cool. hang around. see what happens. show him that you're valuable, besides the hookups, but don't corner him!
    after all, he's been clear and open with you.
    in my opinion with that message, he said "i like you, but no pressure, plz"... no commitments and no expectations.

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  • Respond by not hooking your again. You'll only get hurt

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What Girls Said 6

  • Been there. Still talk to the guy today but I actually continued in the relationship we had while he had told me something very similar... thinking that our feelings would make is prosper.

    It didn't. He even introduced me to family and friends...

    I eventually pulled back because I couldn't understand where we were going. I could tell it caught him off guard when I stopped calling and texting.

    Honestly, just tell him how you feel. If you don't think you can continue this relationship with out falling for him more than leave.

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  • You're going backwards... you can't hook up with a guy a couple of times and expect him to see you as something serious right off the bat. You treat people how to treat you, you have taught him that you are a fun person and will sleep with him if he wants it so he is teaching you that he sees you as a hook up. How should you respond to his text? Tell him that's great nice knowing ya.
    Its basic kindergarten psychology at this point.

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  • Guys always use that line when they are NOT INTERESTED IN YOU. Take heed darling. He likes you as a person, and someone to fuck. He doesn't want to be in a relationship with you though. Move on, tell him it was fun, and find someone who's actually looking for a relationship and INTERESTED in starting one with you.

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  • Youve asked this twice lol. Move on if he only wants hook up and if he says it could lead to more dont be naive as its likely he is just saying that so you can continue to hook up without him being responsible of you start to want more

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  • You've got to believe what he's telling you. He just wants to have "fun". I've been on the receiving end of this too, and while it has it's perks, once emotions are involved... Well, shit gets real. Get out while you can.

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  • He sounds like he does like you! Just give him a little space- after all he is just out of a long term relationship

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