Have been majorly crushing on a guy for a while now. We've hooked up twice in two weeks time while being out in a club. After the second time, I made it clear to him that it felt like more than just a hook up to me because I really really liked him. He responded by saying he really liked me too. I was quite happy but the next day he texts me to "clarify" some things we talked about:
"Just to clarify, I do really like you! But I'm just being quite restrained and trying to have fun atm because I came out of such a long relationship so recently."
The text basically implies I'm just a hook up and I'm not sure how to respond. I certainly wasn't expecting to jump into a serious relationship but I was hoping the hookups would lead into something more eventually... But I'm assuming a text like this means he just doesn't see it that way? Would it generally mean that he's just not interested in me that way (with the past relationship just being an excuse?) or is there a serious possibility for more in the future?
Not sure what the best way is to respond. Should I play it cool and say I'm just looking for fun as well? Should I admit that I find that really unfortunate? Or should I say I understand and suggest we meet up sometime outside of bars and nightclubs (in order to then see if there is a possibility for slowly progressing into something more)?
Most Helpful Guy
When a guy says something like that--take it at face value. He isn't looking for a relationship from you. The more you hookup with him, the more attached to him you will get. But his mind won't be changing anytime soon. These things translate into you getting hurt.
I won't tell you what to do, but if I were you, I would do the following: Tell him you find it really unfortunate, that you want to respect his feelings on coming out of a relationship, and that you think it's better that you don't keep seeing each other just so no one gets confused/hurt (don't say you don't want to get hurt--instead, that no one gets hurt)--but say you are open to talking to him again in the future, and that you hope he feels better about the breakup he had.
Then stop talking to him and start seeing other guys. You've left the lines of communication open, but it will fall on him to get things rolling--and if he does start talking to you again, screen him to make sure he isn't just trying to setup a hookup again, because you will have made it clear you saw more potential. But he will likely be more interested in a relationship under this scenario (more likely, not that he will--don't get your hopes up!) because you were laid back and chill, didn't put pressure on him for more, had nice, clear boundaries, and didn't cause any drama--whether or not he wants a relationship, it will leave an impression on him.
Hope that helps ;)1