Why do guys take their time to lay claim to a relationship?

I have a friend who has been dating a man for about 2-3 months now but it still falls under the casual banner. They have been friends for several years before that. She is divorced and has 3 kids. He has never been married and has no kids. She is early 30s and he is in his late 20s. They can't see each other during the week due to distance between homes and her responsibilities.

She publicly lays claim to the situation by posting photos of them together on Instagram, using kissing emojis on his photos, tagging him in photos, etc. However, he never does anything publicly including even liking her photos or even acknowledging the relationship via any sort of public media. I have my own theory as to why but I would some opinions first please. She says he's swept her off her feet and he buys her nice gifts, etc.

He follows random women on Instagram every now and then (usually for a few short hours) which I do find strange. He does have a bit of a rep as a player but if he's single, then he's gonna date around I think.

Is this a timing thing? It's nobody else's business but ours thing? He was very public with his last official girlfriend.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Because a lot of women spend all kinds of time evaluating men before they're willing to give them a chance. They pick apart the guy and see if he meets her laundry list of expectations. Once the guy finally gets a chance she's mostly made up her mind on him. He on the other hand is just starting his evaluation to determine if she's worth his time and commitment. Share early on who you are, take off the mask, be a giver, and show you're worth it and your wait time will be reduced.

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    • ladies are very selfish up front and like to center conversation on the guy trying to get him to prove himself in courting... After that's finished you're ready for a relationship, but he has no idea who you are and it's going to take him just as much time and testing of your intentions, actions and character after the fact to decide on you.

    • I personally think she overwhelms him. I can understand her happiness about the relationship and wanting the world to know but he does seem really reticent about it. I think he is being too private about the whole situation but that is his right. He must have a good idea about who she is as a person as they have known each other for a number of years. I think he is keeping his options open tbh.

    • Just because you've known a person for years, doesn't mean you know how they will behave in a relationship. For most guys it's about actions and girls need to be tested to see where they fall. For girls they want to see the time and effort up front to get to know them and they want to talk to high heaven. It's polar opposite when it comes to needs for commitment.

What Guys Said 4

  • She has kids. There's no middle ground it's either really casual or pretty serious. He's still in casual mode with her.

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    • Thanks, I agree. She is pushing hard for it to happen as she's fallen really heavily for him and he is a nice guy tbh. However, he is a player and can do what he wants throughout the week and she won't know about it unless someone tells her. Sadly, I think she's in for a surprise further down the line.

  • Every guy is different based on his previous experience. With kids involved i could see why hed take it slow. I didn't date an awesome girl once cuz she had a kid and i was young and it freaked me out.

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    • Thanks. So you think he's just a bit scared of making everything so public until he's sure of where it's going in his own mind?

    • Could be. Best thing yo do is ask. If he freaks out then he's not ready. If he's ready he will explain. Either way he will reveal his intensions

  • Yes to accept

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    • Soz but I don't understand your comment.

    • What are you so obsessed with this event

  • она собирается получить сюрприз позже 😁

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