Lost virginity, but don't feel any different?

I'm in my mid-20s and I've suffered from depression and social anxiety disorder for a long time. Considering that I fantasized about this day happening I thought I would be ecstatic that I lost my virginity.

But, in fact, I feel almost worse. The woman I was with is not looking for a real relationship which is fine with me, but my performance in the bedroom was pretty weak in my opinion. I helped make her come, so we both got some satisfaction, and she seemed relatively happy about having me over. Even though I did all these things, I don't really feel different about myself. Did anyone else have these same sort of feelings? Am I too hard on myself?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Nobody is great their first time, it takes a bit of practice and experience, so don't be too hard on yourself! If your partner had an orgasm then you did just fine ;) As for not feeling any different, men get a rap for being purely physical beings, whereas women are the ones with an emotional mentality, but maybe it would have felt more momentous to you if you had an emotion connection to your partner. Regardless of your gender, sex is always a bigger deal when its with someone you truly care about. When I lost my virginity, it was with a boy I didn't care much for, and I didn't really feel any different either. But my first time with a boy I loved was life changing. Sex is often more than physical, its a connection. But that doesn't mean purely physical sex can't be gratifying as well. The more you have it, the more you learn, and the better the partner, the more "ecstatic" you'll feel :)

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What Girls Said 2

  • It's important to remember that virginity is a social construct. You grow up with the impression that sex changes you, and it's this huge monumental moment in a person's life, when really this is a huge misconception. Having sex for the first time does not change a single thing about you and you will not feel "enlightened" or any more a man. You shouldn't compare your own experiences to what you saw in p*rn, it's just not a realistic representation of what sex really is. Don't feel bad about anything, the fact that you made a girl come on your first time having sex should feel pretty good lol.

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  • You were having empty sex. You expected sex to make your depression go away and for that feeling of emptiness to go away but it doesn't. I suggest you try to be happy with yourself first and get some help for your depression and then everything in life will feel much better.

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What Guys Said 5

  • I lost my virginity to a prostitute and my first thought was. Wow, I really spent $200 to get the same feeling I have gotten every single day (multiple times a day) of my life since I was 8? So yeah I was disappointed.

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  • That's a huge trap most people never wake up from; you won't feel any different with the things you held up so valuable. As soon as you get something you want something else, it really is an endless cycle.

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  • Welcome to the real world, where sex just isn't a big fucking deal.

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  • be with a man you will feel and enjoy

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  • Wow, you didn't feel satisfied at all? Did it feel as good physically as you thought it would?

    Sorry to answer your question with questions, but I'm 26 and fantasize about the day I will hopefully lose my virginity, iv heard some people their first time sucked and wasn't the greatest.

    Its possible that it takes time and practice and having a deep emotional connection with the person to really be satisfied.

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    • It felt good for sure. Maybe I was a little too excited which made me come a little early, but it didn't feel like the most physically satisfying thing that I thought I would feel. It was weird.

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