I need a perspective from anyone who has been friends with a guy or girl before they started dating?

I need a perspective from anybody who has been friends with someone for awhile and then that friendship grew into a relationship, and how the threshold of friendship and relationship was crossed?

I am sort of in a similar situation where I am good friends with a girl that has been homeschooled her whole life, she is going to school next year and we are good friends and she has shown signs that she likes me but I am not sure if I should make a move or stay as a friend for now, thats why I want to know others perspective who were in a similar case?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I was friends with my current boyfriend throughout most of highschool till last year, so for 7 years or so. We ran into each other at university, and started spending a lot of time together pretty much everyday. We got along great with the conversation still flowing completely effortlessly.

    After a month or so of that, I noticed he started getting noticeably more interested in learning about me, asking question after question. He got a bit more touchy too, like hugging from behind and holding it a bit longer. Soon he asked me out, which I declined out more out of shock than anything. That was my first relationship that started as friends, so I thought I like him only on a platonic level. I soon realized I was wrong, and started becoming more flirty as well as touchy. Standing and sitting closer and closer to him, testing the waters in a sense to see if he'd pull back.

    A week or two of that before I asked him where he stood in regards to me and sure enough we're still together 9 months later. Don't be too worried about potential outcomes. It can only result in two things; she declines your offer, which would be unfortunate but at least you'll be able to start moving on sooner. If she accepts, then I guess both parties win. :)

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    • haha yea thats cool how you potentially said no then later changed what made you change your choice

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    • Just try to stop thinking about it so much, and don't consult with others about it either. The more you over-think it the more you'll psych yourself out and make the situation seem a lot more dire than it is.

      I think the key element here is just giving it time to allow the girl to warm up to the idea as you increasingly start dropping hints that you're into her. The more you over-think this, the higher the chances that you'll come on too strong so next time your mind drifts to thinking of her, make a conscious effort to divert your thoughts elsewhere.

    • perfect I think you have given the best advice and I will just leave it for now and just give subtle hints for now and give it some time

What Girls Said 3

  • There has always been a mutual attraction. We grew closer and became best friends, talking to each other every day and telling each other secrets. We met up one-on-one a little and shared in adventures. In both cases, he asked me out. He just said, " *NAME*, will you be my girlfriend" or "Will you go out with me?"
    Plain and simple. No games. A vague text message complimenting someone and adding kisses isn't going to cut it, plenty of people text that way.

    The only way you're going to know is by asking. It's scary. I know. But you can't play games and if you wait around, you might lose her. Your best bet is just meeting up and saying something along the lines of, "Hi. Will you go out with me? I don't want to put any pressure on you and don't worry, I'm your friend and still will be if you say no. But I really do like you and I was hoping we could maybe try it out."

    Be direct. No games or hints or funny business. If she says yes or no, at least you know and can move on to the next step of your life.

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    • yea thanks for the feedback, it is definetely hard she has been homeschooled so I dont want to come off so aggressive and the thing is she is close with her family and I am close with them I met her through her older brother and she started hanging out with us now its to the point we text everday and we talk about many things and have these realtalk moments where we ask eachother thoughtprovoking and future life questions, I am just worried to lose that but I guess its part of life at the moment whenever I hang out with her her siblings are their to and we never had a one on one time, but idn how to achive that

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    • This is what I mean. No "I guess" about it. If she's not going to make a move, you are going to have to. You have to help yourself. Who texts who first or blushing or kisses on texts. Ignore those details. If you get along as people and as friends then why not try to take things to the next level? You've already got such a good base from that.

      Prepare yourself and maintain a good friendship. Don't wait for "the right time" or you'll be waiting forever. Make the right situation. :)

    • Thanks For your help really appreciate it

  • I have been friends with this guy for one year (and I have been attracted to him). I came to realise that our friendship was one-on-one sharing of personal feelings and that he was always willing/offering to help me out with things, which made me think maybe he wanted more than friendship with me. So I wrote him a letter telling him how I feel (without too much detail). He wrote me back and he likes me too :) Now we're hanging out more and messaging, with the knowledge that we both like each other.

    Just tell her how you feel :)

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    • yea that is good way to do it honestly getting the point across to her is tough, the way I tried to do it is when I gave her a birthday gift she went all red and I wrote on text and birthday card that Happy Birthday to the most prettiest and nicest girls in the world with some hearts and XOXOXOXO and she reponded on text Thank you so much and then told me how she loves the gift I gave her and everything, any more suggestions to make it better or clearer

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    • so that was a good response eh, thats what my friend said too

    • Yes, it was a good response :)

  • I am usually always friends with a guy before we start dating.

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    • and what are some characteristics between you two before you guys start dating like how do you guys interact with eachother and then how is the threshold of friendship crossed to the next level?

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    • yea my case is sorta different because we dont have mutual friends other then her brother but that be weird and Idn if i would come on to hard if I just approached her, when the guy approaches you how does he ask?

    • Well, my current bf, first approached me by talking to me more often. He actually gave me his number all nonchalantly and then we started texting a lot (he would text first) and then he asked to hang out.

What Guys Said 6

  • I was just "friends" with my girlfriend or almost a year. We're part of the same university martial arts team and we were pretty much the best players on the team. I started taking interest in her right before our big tournament, but I waited to ask her out until after the tournament. I'm pretty sure she knew what was going on as we never really talked until I did started courting her... soo my stakes were pretty high.

    I could have maintained the friend/club-mate status to avoid any drama (personal or public), but I wanted her... so I went for it. We continued to talk for several days... weeks and I asked her out for a date about 2 weeks after the tournament. After the summer, we're bf/gf.

    There's no disadvantage in being friends first... looking back, I think it was an advantage, but then it is a case-by-case thing. Don't fear the supposed "friendzone." Be a man and go after what you want. They'll get it. If she rejects you, oh well. Try to stay friends (I've done that before too), and find someone else fit for you!

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    • do you think the way this girls acts around me she likes me because I think the way this girls acts around me tells me she likes me, for example I gave a birthday gift and when she saw it she went all red and when I texted her happy birthday to the most nicest and prettiest girl in the world she said Thank you so much (with a smiley and tongue sticking out) and then started talking about how awesome the gift is, and whenever we talk she I look at her the eyes and touch her shoulders sometimes and she does the same, we are nearly a few centimeters apart from one another, their is a lot between us I feel but idn if that just the way she is with every guy or if she actually likes I am also 3 years younger and I noticed when I am cocky she likes it and when I tease her she goes back at it and when I first asked her for a hug she went red in the face too, do you think their is something their

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    • Hope that helped. Good luck!

    • Better hear good news

  • If you know the attraction is mutual, it's a waste not to make a move of some kind. I personally went for a kiss on the lips, it's what made sense.

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    • what do you mean attraction is mutual and do you think their is potential, I gave her birthday presesnt and when she saw it she went red and I also texted her Happy Birthday to the most prettiest and nicest girls in the world with some hearts and XOXOXOXO and she reponded on text Thank you so much (with a smilely and toungue sticking out)

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    • Gib hugs first see if she is comfortable with that.

    • okay thanks for the help

  • If you can see her as a perspective girlfriend. Serious relationship and not just a short term fling, then take the risk and go for it. But it's still a risk. Because to have more you need to throw away the friendship.

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    • yea thats a good point but this girl I like is innocent never been touched before and I want to keep it that way but i want her to feel loved and always have someone close to her as she experiences the world because right now she is nestled in a loving home and does not know what true reality is and I am worried she will fall for the wrong things and I truly love her for her personality and our friendship

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    • I don't know how she is with other people but that really sounds like she likes you or at the least is interested. Make a move and invite her out to some event so just the two of you can be around eachother. Just be more proactive with your interactions with her.

    • well the blushing thing is really uncontrollable its not like she would jsut do that with anyone their has to be something their for her to go red all of a sudden

  • I never go into a relationship before building a solid friendship base first.
    There are some downsides to upgrading to a relationship. In my experience the biggest difference (after all the sex) is jealousy. Which is why I'm beginning to think I should forget about dating altogether and just have friends and "really close friends".

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    • Wait what do you mean jealousy after all the sex and also my case is different because she is a homeschooled girl and never dated before I just want to be that boyfriend she has as a true friend to talk to

    • By jealousy I mean that for example with my latest female friend turned intimate friend, when we first met we checked out girls and guys together, and we were each other's wingmen. When we started having sex, she became extremely jealous, and won't stand me looking at anyone else.

    • yea I can understand the thing is with the girl I want to date idn if it will go their because she is a good girl and is so innocent

  • Were you on here before asking if she liked you?

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    • yea I have a lot of questions about it, it bothers me loool

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    • Good luck! We're all pullin for you!

    • yea I hope things turn out positive with her too

  • I think being friends is a good thing, start by hanging out one on one more often and ease into it.

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    • yea good idea, it is sorta a problem because she is very family oriented and whenever I hangout with her older brother she joins and she has like 3 siblings in total, Also I dont know if it be weird between her parents if I asked that to her because it would for sure get to her parents and I dont know if things would get different, one thing is her parents really like me and I get along really good with them

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    • there could be potential its not my personal style to send the xoxo's and hearts but i agree girls are crazy hard to understand, the moment you try to understand them is the moment you go crazy

    • that is exactly what has happen to me so tell me what do you think I should do and I am gonna put myself together to do it

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