Age difference of 6 years?

do you think an age difference of 17 and 23 is too much?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I've been in that exact same position. I met a guy when I was 17, and he was 23 too. And yes, it's too much. At the time I didn't think it mattered, because we clicked so well and because I was somewhat naive. However, he had a small problem with it. He didn't mind being friends with me, but he just didn't want to take it further than that. The age difference bothered him, and rightfully so.
    Long story short, he didn't do anything with me until this summer (i. e. 2 years later, now that I'm 19). Looking back, I'm glad that we (he, for the most part) waited 2 years before doing anything. A lot of things have happened these 2 years, and I can honestly say that even though the age gap is still the same, it's like we're more on the same level now.
    Honestly, waiting a little is worth it, regardless if you want a relationship with this guy or just a fling. If I were you, I'd wait until I was at least 18. Take it from someone who has been in that exact position. If things go really well and you click with him, then waiting shouldn't be a problem. You don't even have to tell him that you want to wait, all you have to do is simply take things slow. It's worth it.

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    • wow thank you! I needed this! thanks for your advice, well yeah he's a little confused about the age. not because it doesn't feel right but because his friends were like; omg she's only 17 what are you doing? so that made him think. But we already decided to take things slow until February. He's so busy and focussed on the university right now and he lives far away so its just not possible now. So he asked me to wait until at least february, and I love him so I will wait for him, and around February I'm almost 18 so that's okay. for now its just being patient.. I can't do anything else. But don't think he just want sex or something because he's a good guy! perfect in my eyes of course haha. Thank you so much! Goodluck with that guy! :)

    • Good. :) Things are somewhat rocky with "my" guy at the moment, so I don't think it'll go anywhere. But at this point I'm fine with it haha.
      Yeah, guys often care about what their friends think about a girl, especially in a scenario like this. So it's perfectly understandable that he's a little confused. But if everything goes well, things will probably solve themselves by the time February comes around. :)

    • But I hate waiting... especially because he doesn't have much time for me now. We don't text like 24/7 anymore and we don't Skype like 4 times a week anymore. Im so afraid to lose him.. but he asked me to wait until February so I'll just try to be patient.. maybe he's coming to visit me sooner but right now he's just too busy and I understand. His future is the most important thing right now. thank you! mmm I hope you'll be together one day ;)

What Guys Said 9

  • The age gap in itself shouldn't be a problem. What could be a problem is cultural perception. You are not alone in the universe, the society you live in are part of what makes you you. If the people around you feel good about the two of you, you have a much higher likelihood of having a good time together. If you need to skulk in shadows and hide your relationship, your life will be so much more complicated.

    So, can you tell your parents? Can you be open about him to your friends?

    And he does have 6 years more experience in life than you have. Do not try to bridge that gap in one go. You are younger - do not try to experience the six years he got on you in a week or a month. Living takes time. You are still seventeen so accept that, don't try to be 23.

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  • Yes. It would not matter if he was 40 and she was 34, they would be middle aged. You however are a minor, while he is an adult. Too much changes in those latter teen years and early 20's.
    (So how is it that you are interested in someone that much older?)

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    • In the netherlands you can leave high school at 16 or 18. So I left at 16 and now I'm doing university with people who are all 22/23. And I just like them, they are way more mature, understand me better. Im very mature for my age because of all this and I just don't like people my age. they are still kids. So his life and my life are really the same, the only thing is that he has more life experience. oh and guys here in the netherlands of my age only want sex. he's older, he understands me, he's sweet, caring. just perfect.

    • Thats interesting. In the US you must have a high school diploma and pass entrance exams before being accepted at a college or university.

    • yeah but I have my diploma! I did my exams last year! Instead of 6 years high school, I did the same in 4 years. So now Im doing university for 2 years and then I'm going to study in a different country

  • Oh YES duh
    a beginner swimmer in shark (& buddies) ocean
    good luck

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  • it's hardly noticable

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  • 6 years is not a big deal. In a few years, it will hardly matter.

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    • But it matters now! He's an adult, she is a minor.

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    • Then you are an exception to the rule. I didn't know you were from The Netherlands. Good luck with school and your relationships.

    • yeah Im from the netherlands! But thank you! you too good luck!

  • Kind of, he should wait till ur 18

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  • It's legal where I live, but just barely, had you been just a year younger, he'd go to jail, no matter if you wanted it or not, because the court looks at him and says "he's a guy". However, while where I live it's legal, you have to ask yourself if in fact, it's moral. That's a question you'd have to ask yourself, since I'm not you and I don't have YOUR morals. I do know though that if I was dating a 17 year old, I would not only feel creeped out by it but also that it would be very difficult. Why? "hey, want to go to a bar--oh wait, that's right... sorry"

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    • it's legal here too, or it is really normal here in the netherlands. so no they don't have to go to jail or something. never heard or something like that here before. Yeah well that last thing about the bar, is really true.. that will be hard, but I can go to bars I'm just not allowed to drink achohol. but Im almost 18 and then Im allowed to drink alcohol so its not a big big deal. OFcourse it will be hard for now but I love him so much.. letting go because of this is the worst excuse.. but sometimes maybe the best

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    • well a year ago it was 16. when I was 16 I drank alcohol but then it changed and I couldn't drank alcohol any more and now I have to wait a year but its okay. no please not 21... 18 is fine haha

    • Difference in opinion. You'll get that on here

  • Too big of a difference. A guy that old who is dating somebody in high school just most likely wants to sleep with them. He's clearly immature for his age to date that muchg younger

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    • Im not in high school anymore, in the netherlands we can leave high school at 16 or 18. I did at 16, now I'm 17 and in class with people who are around 23 so its pretty normal to me.

  • Funny story is that I'm a 23 year old trying to date a 17 year old haha. We have similar interests and always have a good time when we get together. I'm hoping she realizes that :). But I don't think its a big deal.

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    • Yeah it's a big deal. And I'm really mature for my age, your girl probably aswell. So it doesn't feel like 6 years. But goodluck! Let me know :)

    • its not a big deal*

What Girls Said 6

  • Yes and no.

    If you were say, 24 and he was 30, no it wouldn't be an issue.
    Given your age, it is a little large. I mean, if you were 11 and he was 17, even you would raise your eyebrows. It's just when you get older, you get a little more life experiences/on the same level. When you're in your 20's, you both have jobs, maybe even your own place, so you have those responsibilities. When you're younger, the life differences are a little different. But to be honest, why are you asking us? Seeing your comments, it doesn't really matter what we say!

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    • I like to hear people's comments. Especially because his friends were a little shocked aswel. So I was wondering why people were so negative.. and I do understand everyone! its just that we have the same life, we both are doing university, we both are living with our parents, we both have sports hobbies and jobs. there's not a big difference, the only thing is that he has more life experience

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    • Yeah you are probably absolutely right! but Im already like waiting for him because he lives far away and he has to be focussed right now. He's so busy.. But its okay I can't do anything else. We just Skype and text and in February he will visit me

    • Nobody here is saying it won't work. It's just in general, there are "basic" life experiences that you need to check off, or a similar state of "matureness".
      Eg. My boyfriend is 4 years older than me (I'm 22). He went to uni, he lived away from home, he has a full time job and his own place. I, on the other hand, never went to uni because I stayed at home to care for my dad. I've just started my second apprenticeship, I work 2 official jobs, and my hobby is also a job, so 3 in total. I earn a total of £600 per month for about 40 hours work, last year I did 60 hour weeks for £750 a month.
      We don't have the same backgrounds, but he grew up from uni and the aftermath. I've grown up through other means. But we've both got to that point where it's not about how well you did at GCSE or whatever, we both have jobs and we both have the same aims (now).
      All I'm saying is life lessons are important and thats why some big gap relationships early crumble so fast.

  • Depends on the individuals. In certain cases, yes some of the answers here are right, it's too big a gap. Mostly because of maturity levels and just in different stages of life. But in other cases, it's fine. If both are mature, both emotionally and intellectually it can work very well. I was friends with a girl who was 17 and a guy who was 26. They began dating a few months after they met and have been together for almost 8 years. They just got married and are just as happy together as when they first started dating.

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    • yes you are absolutely right! it could be possible. And yes Im very mature for my age, at first he thought I was 19 or 20.. but Im 17 and I'm almost 18 so it's kind of okay. It could be more worse. Thank you! finally a positive reply!

  • For me it's not such a big age gap... if it's at least lower than 10 years of age gap then you're fine... As long as he doesn't look like your uncle LOL XD

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  • My husband is 10 year,'s older then me and it has really worked for us.

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  • 6 years is not too much. :/

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  • Why are u seeing someone that age?

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    • because he's amazing. I met him this summer and we had so much fun together! well he thought I was 19 at first, so I told him I was 17 and we both don't really care about the age. when we're together it doesn't feel like 6 years at all

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    • Oh, that might be okay then. Just be careful that if you do anything its what you want and feels right rather than what you think you is expected in a relationship. Don't feel pressured xx

    • Thank you so much! I will!

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