Should I contact him after the first date?

Ok - so this is probably *the* most asked question on this site but I just wanted to get a male perspective here.

I went out with a guy on Friday - it was a great first date (just casual drinks). We stayed out until 1:30am and he walked me home. There was quite a bit of flirting, hand holding, intermittent pashing and good conversation. However, the final goodbye involved a while of making out then both of us just said something like "Thank you for tonight. Goodnight!". Nothing else! Not even a "Let's do this again". I suppose I could've said something myself but I was a little giddy and shy (and a little tipsy) and went inside quite quickly. I should also add that there were a few vague references to doing stuff in the future during the date but nothing solid.

I was expecting some contact over the weekend from him. I'm just curious whether I should contact him if he doesn't contact me - and if so, how long should I wait? What should I say?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I've said "good night" and then (literally) slapped myself on the forehead 20 minutes later for forgetting to arrange some kind of second date... so don't assume that the missing "let's do this again" means anything at all! It's not a good or bad sign necessarily.

    How long you should wait before contacting him really depends on your personal preferences and his - which, of course, you don't know yet. I think a safe bet would be to wait a few days and then ask him if he's doing anything interesting this weekend.

    There are some guys who will be turned off that you're calling him instead of waiting passively by the phone while he "chases" you. I don't recommend dating those guys and neither do any of my friends (male/female/gay/straight/whatever, we're pretty much unanimous on this).

    Bottom line: you both have each others' phone number/email/whatever, so call each other back! Everything else is details.

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    • Well.. I decided to text him - but something rather innocuous, thanking him for the date and saying that I hoped the rest of his weekend went well. I guess that serves me right, because his response was equally as innocuous saying that he had a great time and that he hopes I enjoyed my weekend. Haha - back to where we started it seems?!?!

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    • Exactly! Part of me feels like he should be the one to make the next move... but then another part of me feels like I should take a chance and make a bolder move by suggesting we go for coffee? I was thinking of waiting until early next week though - after this weekend.

    • People on here debate endlessly about whether there is a male obligation to make the first move. Personally I think it's silly to worry about who calls whom, especially if either/both of you have busy jobs or other distractions. (Of course, if you prefer the old-fashioned boy-moves-first rule, then suit yourself!) When in doubt, the popular "let's get coffee" move is a good low-commitment, non-threatening thing to suggest, IMHO :)

What Guys Said 1

  • Yes, contact him. Wait a day at least. 15 hours is good, from the last time you saw him. Tell him how you truly feel (about last night, about him), and that you would like to do it again (if you truly do).

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