Why the hell would a guy pay the bill for their date?

Yes, ladies (and guys) that's a real question. Almost all of the women I date are actually okay with this, but one in particular just couldn't accept my take on this matter, and actually was upset that I would even think such a thing.

Which I found absolutely hilarious.

There seems to be some confusion here that some women still have the guy should pay. So I wanted to clear it up for those that were unclear firstly:

It's 2014.

You have a job too.

The fact that you expect that makes you nothing but a mild prostitute.

Good. Since we have that cleared up now, lets move on to hear opinions from both the sexes as to what your take on this matter is, and more importantly, why.

  • yes men should pay
    34% (27)38% (24)36% (51)Vote
  • no it should be equal
    66% (52)62% (40)64% (92)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy
Updates:
Let me just address one seemingly common opinion that you guys have here. That being that whoever asks for the date should pay.

Its a ridiculous point. When's the last time you asked a guy out? I know it does happen, but come on now.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Lately I find that the feminised society we live in there is a belief that women should get the good out of equality but not the bad.

    If we gain stuff there is never an issue but then if we lose stuff, feminist go nuts.
    A few examples. Women in the UK we told they would have to start paying more for insurance to make it equal with men. They fought it saying it wasn't fair. But when men can lift more and work harder in the same job they still think females should make the same.
    In wembelton women fought to get paid the same as men, eventually they got it. Then men said they should have to play the same number of sets since women only play 3 and men play 5. It was turned down. So women get paid the same wage for 3 sets (less work) as men do for 5.

    This is the "face of equality" and it is one of the biggest reason as a female that I am against feminism.

    If a girl insist you pay... And is adament about it... She's what makes this society horrible. Run!

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    • If it hurts you to see women putting the movement back 50 years, start working on shutting down the negitive aspects of feminism. Stop putting man haters like V. Solanas up on pedestals, & requoting them constantly.
      Work toward stoping the false statistics, the man hate, the bullshit like you are doing right now. Stop just tryin to push your shit under a rug and only work on stopping people from pointing it out. We will go away on our own if there is nothing for us to point out.

    • Well deserved for MH, this girl`s intelligence spot on!

What Girls Said 61

  • I always tell guys on a first date that I pay my own way. Some guys don't even like it when I pay as one told me they feel woman only pay when they aren't enjoying the date and don't want to feel like they owe a guy anything - which is not always true. I think it's nice to once in awhile treat the other but it goes for both sides as I love treating a guy. I have a job and I'm perfectly capable of paying. My last relationship, we took turns who got the bill but I find that when u don't keep score n just be equal about it, u end up having more fun with each other rather than stress about something that isn't hard to fix. I also pay for parking when a guy picks me up since he pays for gas. And if i try to pay and he wants to pay for me, I won't refuse but I'll get the bill the next time for sure :) simple. Sadly, some woman still want to be princesses.

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    • Wow. Well said. And it's funny because you just pointed out a whole other problem in the dating world when you said "some guys don't like it when you pay." And guys saying "i dont want the woman to feel as though they owe something if the woman pays." This points out so much imbalance and non-sense. If a woman is not enjoying a date, why would paying for her make any more sense? If anything it makes less sense because clearly there was a lack of chemistry and the probably won't have a second date which raises the question why you would pay for a complete stranger, especially if you "feel" they didn't enjoy it. It's a date, not a customer service interaction. Men are retarded. That makes no sense.

      You are absolutely right in being equal about it. Its much less stressful, the guy wont' secretly resent hanging out with you, and it sets the tone that you both are just there to enjoy the value of each others time equally.

    • Well actually, the guy basically said its how a woman reacted about a not so good date. Basically she wasn't that into him so she paid herself so she didn't feel like she owed him anything. I don't know. Different people see it differently. It's why I try to be equal. And ur right about it sounding like a customer service interaction when it's not lol. When u find the right person all these silly things shouldn't matter or get in the way. And people wonder why they can't keep up a relationship.

  • I admit I'm traditional, so I expect a guy to pay on the first date. It's just such a nice gesture and it shows that he's a gentleman. I'm in a relationship now though, so we almost always split the bill. I'm more than happy to buy him dinner, but I know him well enough to know he wouldn't let me hahaha. I was able to sneak it once and he got mad. :P

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    • in other words you consinder guys as idiots

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    • It's really not about the money for me. It's about his character. If he acts all frigid about the bill and makes a big deal that "it's 2014 you can pay your own darn way," then yeah that's a turn off. It's not something I'd throw a hissy fit over haha, but there probably wouldn't be a second date.

      To answer your question, yes I would absolutely love to be a housewife and devote myself to taking care of my husband, house, and children. I doubt I'll be able to though, since it's rare for a family to be comfortable on just one income.

      And no, I don't "consinder" guys to be idiots lol.

    • Just noticing how they get easily defensive. These guys want you to think their point of view is the only correct one that should be accepted. That's like forcing your beliefs on someone's throat.

  • you know, chivalry and all that.

    i'm old-fashioned but yeah i work hard to please my man. if he's hot.

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    • So because your old fashioned does that mean you will stick to all the old world female rights/roles as well or are you only taking the good and not taking the bad and expect to be treated like a superior just because?

  • I dont like cheap guys and i ain't a gold digger. You men have lost manners and don't know how to treat a lady and be a gentlemen. I expect the guy to pay for the first and maybe second date for sure. Going dutch is for friends, not for lovers. After the first date im totally fine with taking turns

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    • gentlemen, ladies and bullshit like that... BLEH, i wanna throw up. we're not some stupid guys in suits with "manners". if you were thinking that way that a guy must pay for both, you know what will i do? i'd lock myself to the shop's toilet, and leave you alone on the table. you'll get bored with waiting, and you would like to leave, and since you can't leave the table like that you would pay the bill for BOTH to learn your lesson LOL

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    • the only time i'm going to split the bill is whenever i really can't stand "my date". i've had a date once where i just really disliked him at all and even tho he tooked me to this super expensive place, and wanted to pay, i payed for my own. that was a fail.

    • So feeling the need to pay for yourself when you don't enjoy the date, is supposed to make more sense than paying for a date that you actually enjoyed?

  • I'm all about equality and that includes splitting the bill or taking turns. My boyfriend and I use the taking turns system and have been doing so from our second date.

    Which leads me to my question: since you firmly believe that the bill should be split on the first date, what is your take on going to a cafe or pub?
    If you invited a girl to the pub for a pint, would you turn around and ask for £1,5 to cover half the cost? Or £1 for the cup of coffee you invited her for?

    Reason I'm asking is that for our first date my boyfriend arranged for us to meet at the pub and he bought me a drink. I didn't offer to pay, because honestly I think that's absurd. If we went out for dinner, then I would absolutely offer to split the bill. But when it's something as cheap as a cafe or pub date, I think that's when the responsibility of the asker applies. Hell, I'd be a little bit insulted, if I got asked this on a first date:

    "Hey, let me buy you a drink. Got a fiver on ya?"

    It's a bit tacky, methinks. If I hit on a guy and offer to buy him a drink, I don't expect him to pay half, lol.

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    • Yeah no I totally agree with you there. I wouldn't feel right doing that if it was something so small such as a cafe or a pub. I actually think that is a much more appropriate date, it's very simple and and casual and no one has to really worry about anything.

    • I agree. Dinner dates are plain awkward anyway. I think meeting at a cafe or bar is much better for a first date. I also HATE formal settings for a date.

      I think we went for our first dinner date several weeks, if not months into the relationship. And we split the bill. I think that's when we agreed to just take turns, since we're both the types that can't be arsed to go around figuring out how much each needs to contribute, haha.

  • I think whoever asked for the date should pay for the date, unless things don't work out for either party then split. (I've asked a fair amount of guys out and have paid for the date.) After the initial date, either take turns or split.

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    • I disagree. You should date at your own risk.

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    • I think disclaiming that philosophy is a great idea. It's only fair to let them know that you expect some of their money for things you order before the bill gets there doesn't it?

    • Well, if a guy asks me out, I will usually ask first, are you paying then. If I ask a guy out, I usually say I'm paying. If the guy who asked me out and I are on the date and I don't see it going anywhere, I pay my half, even if it means putting the cash in his pockets by force. I also don't ask the guy to pay their half if I have said I was paying, because I said I was paying.

      You do things your way, I do things mine.

  • Uhhhhh if someone ask me on a date... That means THEY want to take ME out. Not the other way around. If I ask a guy on a date... I'll of course pay YET if he's a man with respect then I'm sure he'll pay. Plus if your having a conniption over a freaking bill from a restaurant then you need some moral evaluation. It's not that serious

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    • There's no right or wrong here. It's just a choice or preference. Make sure before you go out what to expect.

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    • I don't see the contradiction. She's saying that she's fine with paying, but a respectable guy wouldn't let her and would still treat her.

    • @snowangle if dishing out money for you while you pay nothing makes the guy "respectable." Then what does that make you?

      Let me guess...

      A lady, right?

      A respectable man would get to actually know someone first. And get to a point where they can decide if that persons character is worth investing their money in. A respectable man has enough balls to let a woman buy her own movie ticket and not cave to BS social pressure. A respectable man will exchange his time equally with her for nothing else until she earns it. And a respectable lady, would do the same.

  • It usually depends on the age of the daters. The older men were usually raised in the old fashioned manner. They are usually the ones that are comfortable asking the lady out and both paying for the date. Some even get insulted if you try to pay the bill. So, in turn if the lady is also raised old fashioned she will usually pick something on the menu (if at a restaurant) that is low priced. Don't let these older guys fool you, they know how to do the 'test run' of dates. If you order high price, then your a gold digger and they kick you to the curb. IF he refuses to let you pay, then a good gesture is to invite him over for dinner since he has no way of paying for that! As for younger men and women then I think it's fair that the asker pays for dinner. If the two keep dating then take turns or split the bill. :)

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  • Like you said, it is the 21st century, hail equality. I never let my boyfriend pay for my dinner, even though he offers it a lot. We each pay for what we've ordered for ourselves. Maybe you should stop dating those kind of women. We're not all like that ;)

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    • I dont date those kind of women. I stay away from them. I date the ones like you who have a sane and fair mind. I was just pointing out the way it can be thats all

  • Well, it's not that the woman should pay every time for the man. Nor the man every time for the woman. But each party should be prepared to pay for at least his or her side of the meal to go dutch. It's the best option, especially if you don't want to owe anyone anything.

    However, men in my experience are all too happy to try to take the bill from me (even when I insist--making it so I must pay behind their backs sometimes).

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    • Yes, you are absolutely right. Sorry if i wasn't clear but i meant each person should expect to pay their share.

      And yes even when you offer men will still go to lengths to stop you because they are so programmed to do so. I have suffered from this disease in the past.

  • If early on a date, I have to deal with a guy fighting for everything regarding equality (''Oh but it's 2014, etc..) and him arguing about who should pay for the first date then I can't imagine what other arguments would take place if I were in a relationship with him and we had to work on serious issues.

    I just go for whoever asks out. If this progresses, besides the splitting bills, I also like the idea of sometimes switching turns (this means one day I'll pay and do fancy things to him and another day he does without neither of us feeling offended). If he's only into splitting the bill, going dutch all the time and always arguing that it's 2014 then he's not a bf material to me; that sounds like someone selfish and frugal person, a negative trait for either gender to have. I don't care about jewels nor elegant place but someone that has no manners at all and doesn't like to share every now and then (man or woman) is a turn off to me.

    This is coming from an hispanic woman BTW.

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    • First of all I am not saying there should be a fight over this on the first date. I am simply saying it should not be expected that the guy should pay, that's it.

      And someone who is selfish is only concerned with their own profits or personal pleasure. If you are splitting a bill 50/50 then where is the selfishness in that? There is none. neither party is getting more out of it than the other.

      Having manners are a completely different story, I never even said anything about manners.

      Neither did I say that sharing is a bad thing.

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    • There is absolutely 0 wrong with wanting to switch turns. You are largely missing my point here. In a romantic relationship there is nothing wrong with doing nice things for one another or taking turns etc.. My point is that until you reach the point of a romantic relationship where you actually CARE and get to KNOW the other person, paying their way is ridiculous. You can't possibly genuinely feel that way towards someone you are on a 1st/2nd date with.. But yet still, women feel as though they are entitled to it.

    • From what I know, the first couples dates are very simply since you're getting to know the person; neither one should feel the need to go out of their way. If I ask him out, I can go take him to a cafe and pay for it. Same way for him.

  • Well I ain't asking no guy out. I'm just 15 and obviously don't have a job yet. In addition, if I told my parents to lend me some money for the date, they will say ''No, you're not giving a guy money''.

    Yes, it's equality but I think some of you want to go for total equality at every single thing that in the end gets people confused in the dating world. It doesn't hurt to once in a while go traditional instead of always feeling you have to either compete for equality all the time and it feeling like a teamwork instead of romantic gestures every now and then.

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    • This is what I've noticed now: certain girls answered that they would like that and then stated that after a while in a relationship, they started splitting the bill but suddenly certain guys get so argumentable and say things like ''So will you like to cook and clean and never worked''...

      Wow... calm down... why does it always have to be extremes? That you feel you're either competing for equality or it's gotta be 100% traditional.

  • I think it depends on the situation. If the guy asked then yes he should pay, but same goes for the girl. If its a spontaneous sort of thing like most dates nowadays are, then if the guy offers to pay then that's fine, but usually I think the bill should be split. Only exception here is a special occasion like if its their birthday you pay etc.

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  • It completely depends on the people, I think the guy should pay every once in awhile but I don't mind paying my half or paying for all of it some time. You have to mix it up a bit. My boyfriend absolutely hates when I try to pay and prefers to pay for both of us because he likes feeling like he's taking care of me, but from time to time I can convince him to let me pay the bill

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  • Guys should pay if they asked the girl out, girls should pay if they ask the guy out.

    Once you're bf/gf it should be whoever has money at the time or split it.

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    • When do girls ever ask guys out? Unless the guy is good looking and even that's rare.

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    • You can't sit there and say a guys should pay if he asks a girl out when you also say you never ask a guy out. You probably don't ask guys out because there is no need to, we are the ones expected to ask you out and thats how it happens almost every time.

      Therefore, your point on why a guy should pay is completely unfair.

    • Well considering I frequently pay for dates with my bf I think I can say that.

      It's only fair the person who asked the other out pay.

  • I prefer to split, but some guys seem to want to pay for the first few. Low key starter dates where you just grab a drink or coffee and take a walk are best, imho.

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  • I don't care for it, personally.
    But as for the why. It seems like you know that men traditionally pay because they made the main or all the income. And it established itself as a status symbol some kind of sign of masculinity. I suppose the implication is that he is able to provide for a family

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  • My take on this matter is that this woman is a self-entitled bitch. Unfortunately there are far too many of them out there. But don't let these types ruin it for you. Focus on the good ones.

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    • They don't ruin it for me, I actually find it pretty amusing. And I respect that opinion of women like you very much, especially considering you are at the vantage point there.

    • That's good that they don't ruin it for you. Very good. A lot of guys let them ruin t for them. They become very bitter and misogynist in general, and then go on GAG to rant. You seem to be smarter than that.

  • I don't think men should have to pay for everything. However, it is nice from time to time. I disagree with what you said about women who let the men pay. How exactly does it make them prostitutes? It's not like they get paid to be with the guy. And I seriously doubt that any sane woman would go out with a guy just to get a free coffee (which is like 3 bucks, btw).

    The last time i asked a guy out? The day before yesterday.

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    • You trade something of value with a prostitute for either their time and/or sex act. If a woman would not go on a date with a guy, or not go out with him a 2nd time due to him not paying, is essentially her not giving her time without being exchanged something else of value in return.

      And I have known women (more than one) who dated men just for free dinners. Which is beside the point here.

      A woman should feel perfectly satisfied on a date in exchanging her time, for his time. Nothing more. Expecting anything else on top, is selfish, unfair, and just not right.

  • I think it should be agreed upon by the 2 people. If the guy wants to, let him. If they want to split it, let them. If she wants to pay, let her. Whatever.

    Liking it to prostitution is basically saying that a woman is giving him sex BECAUSE he bought her dinner or a ticket... not the case... and it isn't the same thing, remotely. If he wants to be a bit old fashioned and chivalrous I don't see why you have to get so pissed. You don't have to pay if you don't want to.

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    • What (I think) he meant by prostitution is that a girl who expects the guy to pay is exchanging her attention/companionship/affection for a free lunch/dinner, and that she wouldn't be spending the time with him if he wasn't paying. I want to spend time with a girl who wants to spend time with me without expecting some kind of inducement for giving me her time.

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    • You didn't seem to, but okay. It's not prostitution, but it's still expecting something more than my affection/attention in return for her time/attention - if a girl isn't willing to pay her share I wouldn't be interested in seeing her again.

    • @Bysshe yes that is 100% exactly what I meant.

  • Oh yeah i belive it should be like you get it this time ill get it next time thing. But this guy one time asked ME to dinner right. He begged me for so long until i accepted and then at the last minute he's like lets split the bill. I was like its ok ill get it all. That just made him look like a weak man.

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    • If a girl says no the first time it's a lost cause. Begging was his first problem. But he conned you out in the end, lol

  • I hate guys paying.. Lol I can afford my own things and I don't need a guy to pay for my own food that I eat! Halfing the bill is the way to go.. For me

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  • I think it should be equal. I treat you how I would a friend, really. I definitely wouldn't expect someone to pay for me, that makes me feel uncomfortable.

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  • The guys I've gone dates with (which haven't been many) have always insisted that they pay, even when I pull out my wallet and tell them I want ot pay for my own meal. So for me, that's why. Although now that I'm in a long term relationship, my boyfriend and I altrnate who pays for the date depending on who has money at the time xD

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  • I don't care either way. HOWEVER, if the guy invited her without her expectation, then he could probably pay & it'd be decent. Like, "hey, we're going to Wendy's later," & she didn't have any money on her, that sort of thing.

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    • Agreed. I'm not saying its an iron clad rule i am just saying it shouldn't be the mind-set of the woman all the time. And I honestly believe if a woman holds the mentality of an equal partnership at least in the beginning, that she will attract much better men.

    • I agree. I mean, I think women need to step it up a bit too. Like, I tend to prefer to rub his back/feet, I've paid for my best guy friend when we'd go places, & I've gotten my ex flowers (in a bucket with other gifts) when I wanted him back... didn't quite work but ah well nice attempt! :3

  • Who ever asks should pay or initiates the next date or place. They can also split the bill if they just started dating. I have no problems paying or splitting but if a man insists and tells me to put my money or card away then i;m not gonna argue if that offends him. At least he will know that it;s not always expectant of him to pay.

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  • Ok, I don't expect a guy to pay on a first date and I totally agree with you however, if I invite someone out to dinner I'm going to pay because I invited them out, but thats just me. If it's a mutually arranged date then it should be split equal. If you say 'I'd like to take you out to dinner' to me that is you saying you're doing to buy me dinner.

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    • Since when is dinner not a mutual arrangement? If you agree to it, it is mutual.

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    • If someone invites you out for dinner then you should be expecting to pay for yourself. Unless you say something like "hey lets go to dinner on me."

    • Well if I invite someone out to dinner I definitely pay, that's why I'm saying that but I would always expect that I might have to pay if someone invited me out.

  • I dont make anyone to pay for myself on the first date. I am a powerful woman with economic freedom and i am not dating the person for free drinks ot food.. And i find this 'men should pay' thing as ridiculous as 'boys should ask out'

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  • I feel like if it's the first date and the guy asked the girl he should pay. If it's like the 10th date they should be switching out. But when it's the others turn to pay they shouldn't buy more so they don't have to pay. That's called being a dick or a bitch whichever term u like best.

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  • I think it's ridiculous for men to be expected to pay for not only himself but his date as well, it is fair to pay half of the bill or pay for things you ate/used. But if you are going on many dates I think it's nice for a couple to treat each other.

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    • Yes, after many dates and getting to know each other makes much more sense to pay. Seeing as they are no longer a complete stranger to you and you have a valid reason to show that you appreciate them as a person.

  • More from Girls
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What Guys Said 35

  • A man should always pay. I was blessed and had a real father teach me how to be a man. In the USA females do not want to be treated special or like a woman. Outside the USA women are over joyed to have a real man take them out and they don't have to worry. One would be suprised how outside the USA how many women hunger to have a man hold their hands while walking down the street and once the date is over send them home in a taxi or private car.

    If a man biffs over paying for a date then he does not have a clear role and may never be properly defined as a man.

    As defined by social graces when a real man meets a women he presents himself as a man on a date by taking care of everything. It should be his goal to make the woman realize she is with a man not a pair of pants who only thinks of himself. When a man takes a woman out it is a special event. So many guys think that paying for a date is a trade off, that thought defines the male as less than a man.

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    • Couldn't have said it any better. I applaud you.

    • Sounds exactly like how my boyfriend treated me on our first date :)

    • There are many other real ways you can present yourself as being a "real man." If you feel the need to pay for a womans dinner in order to feel like a "real man," well then you have a real problem. Masculinity is not relative to whether or not you pay for dinner. Character is relative to masculinity. And your character, in this day and age, is not at all related on whether or not you pay for dinner. That sounds so ridiculous.

      Holding hands, getting them home safely is a whole other story. There is nothing wrong with that.

  • As a man, you should pay. It tells her you're serious about her and you value the time you spend together.
    It shows that you are capable of being a provider. Even if she has a job and can provide for the two of you together, she wants to feel secure with you, and knowing that you're able and willing to provide is security.
    You paying also shows that you value the extra effort she puts into being attractive. Women spend way more money and time being attractive than men, on average. Every dollar you spend on a date is a dollar she can spend on looking drop-dead foxy for you.
    You should pay to drain your wallet enough that you can't afford to take any other girls on similar dates, and you might as well make that obvious.

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    • Wow. That is honestly the most pathetic, idiotic and shallow thing I have heard in a long time. I feel sorry that you feel that way.

    • lol. I appreciate the question being asked. I've enjoyed reading other points of view.

  • I've never had this problem. First off I never did the movie/dinner date, because its just a terrible idea. Too formal, too awkward. I just met up for drinks instead. I'd pay for the first round, then we'd take turns. Only a couple of them got weird about it, and I went on loads of dates.

    Trying to debate this with women is pointless. Firstly, they'll either say that they're "traditional" which none of them are anymore, so that's bullshit, or they'll justify it with "the person who asks pays" knowing full well that it's mostly men who ask (then when you call them on it they'll pretend they ask loads of guys out too lol).

    Who gives a fuck? If they like a guy it doesn't matter if he doesn't pay. In fact a lot of the girls I had sex with we didn't even go on a date. And if they don't like yo why waste your money trying to impress her? The whole debate is a waste of time.

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    • Oh I 100% agree. Most women will always stick to those excuses.

      And going out for drinks is my go to date as well. I just figured it an interesting topic to hear so much non sense about.

    • @Asker - Having a different opinion than you do is not "non sense". It's an ability as to make up your/their own mind. Your thoughts/opinions are no more right or wrong than someone elses. It's just different. It's called being an individual.

  • Its hard enough for men to get a date in the first place (due to unrealistic expectations of women), and if they aren't even willing to pay for it, they'd better forget about getting a date! Its unfair I know, but that's just the way this stupid, hypocritical society works. Men are almost always at the receiving end, but still they get told things like "Men only want sex", "They treat women like sexual objects" etc.

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  • I did not cast a vote because you need one extra option: "Agree before going out who will pay"
    This shouldn't be a show stopper. Wherever possible try to determine who will be paying BEFORE you both go out. Either he pays, she pays, or you go Dutch treat (split the cost 50/50). If this is your toughest hurdle when it comes to dating, the rest should be a breeze. ♥️👫♥️

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    • You are absolutely right. It should be discussed before a date. It can just be a tough topic for men to bring seeing as they feel uncomfortable. But I completely disagree with the female expecting her date to be paid for by a stranger, which most of them seem to. And the claim its "chivalrous" or "they are supposed to because they asked me out." Those reasons are crazy to me, you can be a perfect gentleman in many other more valid and fair ways

  • I agree with you, but you seem to be very very aggravated about it. More than you should be lol.

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  • You look cheap and come across as it.

    I always pay just how I was raised.

    Different strokes though, if it doesn't bother you to make her pay, and doesn't bother her, god-bless that your wallet is full lol.

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    • Yeah see thats the fucked up part that i am trying to point out here. We are conditioned to think we look and feel cheap and feel pressured to pay. Do you think that's a genuine reason to pay?

  • I think two people on a date shouldn't stress over who pays. Decide on something. Nothing is "required" in this to me though.

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  • You know it would sure be nice and I would sure feel special, like a man, if women were expected to put out on a first date. But I respect women and their fears of being used so I would never put this pressure on them and I would certainly never label them as a prude or make excuses like it's tradition etc.. to shame them into it.

    Unfortunately many women do not have respect for men and do exactly this when it comes to men's fears when dating, things like being used for money.

    This is actually a very good filtering mechanism, women who don't insist on paying their half are not be dated at all.

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  • Chivalry and old traditions vs new ones. Yes women can pay for themselves but being a nice guy is never a bad thing. Especially when you are the one who asks the other party out. I hope that no woman would take it as an insult. In fact doing would mean looking for a reason to be insulted. Think about the value of what you are scorning. Does he really think you are helpless without him or is he a nice person who is trying to be a gentleman? Giving out his own money for your sake in hopes that you would appreciate it. Think about that next time someone helps you with something difficult or you wish someone would. I'm capable of picking up my papers if they fall the floor but I appreciate any help when I drop them. I certainly don't think less of anyone for helping me. That would be silly... If you think this is a sexist thing then offer to pay for a guy on a date. There the sexist power of it is gone. Just because something is one sided for the most part when it comes to genders doesn't mean its a bad thing.

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    • "Does he really think you are helpless without him or is he a nice person who is trying to be a gentleman? Giving out his own money for your sake in hopes that you would appreciate it"

      Think about what you just said bro. You are giving in "hopes" they will appreciate it. Which is a conditional give, which means you are expecting something in return. Thats not the way giving works.

      The picking paper up off the floor was quite possibly the worst analogy ever. Buying someone dinner is not "helping" them. Unless of course you are dating homeless women. Are you dating homeless women?

      Your dating ethics are all out of whack. You sound like the typical "nice guy" that no girl wants to sleep with. Stop doing that immediately.

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    • Well I disagree, being old and outdated can be a bad thing. And the fact here is that quite often men are definitely expected to pay for dates. And another fact is that most men don't feel as though they should have to. And another fact is that most of these men feel pressured to do so anyways due to an outdated act. And this is just simply not right that these men are pressured into doing so.

      With that being said there is nothing wrong with being good to each other. I certainly do not disagree with you there. But if the application of being good to each other was being used here, then why is it so biased in the men paying almost 100% of the time? Come on now.

    • It's mostly men because that's how the tradition began. The tradition is about generosity and kindness and since it was a time where women had a different place it was only natural that a gender aspect came about in courting. As a person you have the choice to pay for your date or not. A man does not have to pay. There is no literal forcing. If a woman expects a guy to pay for whatever reason he is free to discuss it with them. If they insist a man pays and he do not want to it is most likely that person is not right for them. Both of them move on. Women who prefer that a man pays are most likely looking to be provided for by their significant other. They desire a more traditional marriage where they stay at home and take care of children while their husband provides money to support them. Women who have these goals find great value in a provider whereas a woman focused on their profession would not expect to be paid for because they do not wish to be provided for

  • I pay for the first or second or the "getting to know each other" date (s) because I WANT to. Not out of need or pressure or traditions, or feeling emasculated if don't pay. I will not ever ask or suggest we split a bill. If she offers that's fine. I'm not going to argue with her about it. If a relationship evolves I have no problem splitting or letting her pay.

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  • i feel the same way. is the guy some kind of idiot that he must pay?

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  • Jeeze man, common decency and chivalry still exist, or I like to act like they still do.

    Though I usually go for splitting if I don't know the girl too well, racking up good points on yourself by paying for some things can go a long way.

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  • Better question is, who asks girls out on dates that cost more than a couple bucks anyways?

    When I was a retarded teenager, I literally thought asking a girl to dinner at a decent restaurant was a nice 2nd or 3rd date. Hmm, not so much anymore.

    You ask a girl to something that costs squat, or under $10. Why invest money before you know you've got something?

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    • Exactly. Why invest in someone before you actually know them? According to most of the half-wits here because "its chivalrous" "the guy asked me out" "it shows im capable of being a provider" "because im nice" and the list of BS goes on..

    • Women aren't looking for providers. They want entertainment. Drama. Intrigue. Not a provider.

  • I pay even though she offers when I'm getting to know her. I'm old fashioned, I appreciate her offering to split but I always pay. Now, when we get serious its a different story.

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  • It's considered good manners for a man to pay the bill at dates, especially the first date. I don't see what the big deal is with this, if you can't buy her expensive jewelry (which i suppose you can't considering you are asking this question) then you can at least buy her some food!
    I would always to pay for my date, i would actually take it as an honor to get to pay the lovely lady's meal...

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    • Good manners is not talking with your mouth-full and using silverware instead of your hands.

      Not sitting across from a complete stranger and deciding to pay for them because you think it's "good manners."

      You take it as an "honor" for a woman to "allow" you to pay for her? That sounds absolutely pathetic.

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    • If you know the girl well enough prior to the date, then I think that is a different story. I am speaking on most initial dates and how more often than not it is two relatively strange people sitting across from each other.

    • If that is the case, i do understand where you are coming from.

  • Woman dates for Free Dinner and saved $1200 a month
    abcnews.go.com/.../woman-dates-free-dinner-match-15112192

    obviously an extreme case of using men, but you got to understand that you leave yourself vulnerable to getting used.

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    • Women don't use men you sexist misogynist pig. Only men use women. So shut up and pay for all the dates and don't ask for sex and treat her like an equal, there's a good boy. cdn.cash4humor.com/.../...ogic-meme-1396501915.jpg

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    • I guess that's what those guys thought, when they were emptying the contents of their wallets.

      Hundred bucks for a bottle of champagne ON THE FIRST DATE? That's nuts.

    • @MaskedInsanity

      Most likely older men that have climbed the corporate ladder and are able to spend money frivolously for the chance of love with young hottie.

  • Personally i always try and pay.. but my gf refuses and most of the time if its a mutual date and not a surprise one, we meet in the middle and pay half each :3

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  • I normally pay when were just dating but if she becomes my gf or weve been on a bunch of dates then well split it

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  • The guy should pay, that's how I was raised and that's how I feel. What ever happened to being a gentleman just because we live in modern time shouldn't change that

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    • Thats a great question and I am impressed because you actually answered your own question in your question.

      You asked whatever happened to being a gentleman? Well, here's what happened - Time moved forward since the great depression and women are allowed to have jobs now and trying to make just as much out of life as we are. Hence the "modern world."

      Let's ponder some questions according to your logic of the "modern world" not changing things. Do you still shave your face with a straight edge razor? Do you have a car? Do you still rub-sticks together to make a fire?

  • It's not black and white, sometimes I don't mind picking up the bill usually because I know she will do the same later. Other times I do it because I'm the one who suggested we go out. It's the other way around if they suggest to go some out some place.
    The big rule I follow is I don't pay for anything unless I'm sleeping with her. So no stupid let me buy you a drink

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    • Well i mean thats a bit of a different story there. If its worked out where it is switched up then I thiink thats fair enough

  • The way I was raised is that MEN pay for all dates and he cannot afford to pay for everything he should not be dating I am 45 so things may have changed.

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    • Things have definitely changed. Although for the generations who are a little bit older I think that mentality is a little more understandable. But in my opinion it is far outdated in todays world.

  • I've paid in every relationship I've been in for everything. I wouldn't even know how to go about asking a girl to pay. There's been a time or two where I forgot my wallet and got complaints about it.

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    • @manbot This is what I mean. You say you "don't even know how to go about asking a girl about it." I dont blame you at all for feeling that way, it is just absolutely crazy that we should even have to feel uncomfortable about it. It does take some time to cope with, but eventually you will get to the point that it is easy to express your take on the matter. I don't go out on a date unless my disclaimer is clear. If that upsets a girl, then that is awesome because I just saved myself the time of dating someone who is not about starting a relationship based on equality. No one, male or female, wants to feel like they are getting into an unfair situation. Especially a financial one.

    • Well it's time to grow a spine. You don't stand your ground on this because it's risking rejection, what self respecting man behaves like that and what kind of women wants to be with a man who doesn't have the balls to demand he be treated with respect? Not any women worth being with is what kind.

      You wouldn't expect her to abandon her fears of being used and expect sex on every date so why should you be expected to be used? You wouldn't label a women a prude for not having sex on your first date but they will label you cheap if you don't pay.

      If you are being shamed, pressured and/or threatened with rejection if you don't unequally put up your money then do you really want to risk a more in depth relationship with that person?

    • @jager66 spot on again my friend, spot on again.

  • Society say´s so,,

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  • Haven't been on a date in a while but I usually offer to pay and if she insists we split it then I agree to split it.

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  • I personally wouldn't pay for the while date. I would split it. If they had an issue I would move on

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  • how much do you make? do u have lots of debt otherwise why dont u wanna pay for her

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    • I make good money. The issue for me is not how much money I make/have to spare. The issue for me is women having the false sense of entitlement in the very initial stages of dating. It does not make any sense to me.

  • Agreed, been saying this for years. Independent woman, my ass.

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  • I think it's hilarious how women say on the internet that they pay for dates but in reality they don't. They still feel entitled to be wined and dined in the real world. But in questions when the topic is not actually about "equality", they let their true colors show, like here...www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q1192500-guys-how-would-you-feel-if-the-girl-you-re-dating-insists-of-paying

    It's also hilarious how they try to sweep it under the rug by saying "whoever asks should pay, which works great fr them because they never ask. LMAO.

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    • Saying whoever asks should pay might just be the most ridiculous points, although I have seen quite a few.

      I'd love to see a poll on "who should ask who out."

      Wonder what those answers would be like..

  • I don't know, man. I pay because I'm successful enough to piss away modest sums of money without problems. I don't really care about who thinks who should or shouldn't pay. I don't want to be focused on petty shit like that.

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    • It really should be meant as a courtesy. Generations ago women weren't as affluent as they are today, so it was assumed the man pays for it all; dinner, movie tickets, nightcap etc.
      Things are far different today, but still there are times when one or the other chooses to pick up the tab.

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    • Well, if a woman wants to pay (which does actually happen), I'll let her. And if I start to think that she's with me for the wrong reasons (and it's usually pretty easy to tell) then I just end it.

      And I'm not rich, I don't go throwing money around. I'm just not going to be in dire straits over a dinner. If I was that financially unstable, I probably would be focusing on fixing that rather than dating.

    • You said you pay for dinner because you have the money. And chances are the girl has the money as well.

      So now we have two equal parts who both agreed to be here at dinner giving each other equal amounts of their time and attention. And that should really be all there is to it i think.

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