Is it better to ignore, or tell a date that I'm not interested in pursuing a relationship?

I met a guy online, we seemed to have similar interests, so we met up for a date. It actually went well, and there were no awkward pauses and a lot of laughter. He doesn't have a phone so we've been trying to email back and forth, but I found it extremely frustrating, because we were both busy and we'd only have the time to email in the evenings. So often we would just exchange one email of about three sentences every other day.

I realized that this is not a relationship that I want to get into (if you don't have a phone, I think you need to be more proactive by either frequently emailing, or putting more effort into emailing, or just by picking up a pay phone and calling), so I ignored his last email message for a week, thinking that he was probably not that interested, and that the contact would just fizzle out.

But he actually emailed me a couple more times since then, which makes me think that he's either just lazy or bad with communication, even though he is interested. I feel like the polite thing to do is to let him know that I am not interested (in the nicest way possible). I thought ignoring him was the best way, but should I respond and say something? Any recommendations?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Why the fuck are you just not telling him your concerns? Guys are not mind readers and never will be. Instead you are resorting to shitty, shitty mind games. Girls, its 2014 stop doing this. What would the guy think if out of the blue you are ignoring him? Instead tell him, hey listen this doesn't work out for me. Communication is important for me, I need someone in my life who communicates more frequently. If he tries to change but you already made up your mind, again tell him sorry, I made up my mind already. Good luck and have a good life.

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    • Whoa that's a lot of passive-aggressive self-projection there. It's not a mind game; I do not want to date him anymore, because people don't change that drastically. What do you mean by "tell him"? You sound like the kind of guy who would complain because I said something like this over email.

    • Put yourself in his shoes. If someone ignores you, how would you feel? Just tell him. It is only fair since you saw each other already. Passiv aggressive? No I just think it is retarded when the best way is the direct way. Nobody gets hurt and the guy doesn't feel duped or is wondering days on end what happened. It is a proper way to end any further communication. Everything else is just rude.

    • Doesn't matter if you tell him by email, as long as you tell him. If the dumbass claims he has no phone that is his fault anyway. I am not taking sides here but for fairness sake it needs to be a clean slate. Who doesn't have a cell these days? Weirdo!

What Guys Said 6

  • First off, this guy is a genius. I need to try this tell a girl i don't have a cell phone. On the slight chance she actually believes me i wouldn't have to text her thought the day like crazy or else she would be upset that i wasn't responding. Then i could on my free time respond to her, set up dates, ext. Holy shit. But seriously he has a cell he just doesn't want to give it to you yet.

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    • Haha let's say that I give him the benefit of the doubt.

    • I mean my grandfather who calls tv's boob tubes and can't operate a computer to save his life, has a cell. Its a flip phone but none the less, he has a cell. I mean in todays world you absolutely must have a cell.

  • If you were to would like to be ignored?, no. Drop the hammer and tell him. Personally I'd give him a chance seeming that you had a good time.

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  • How about I don't know actually seeing him, face to face is the only really meaningful communication. 80 percent of it is nonverbal anyways so go out and if sucks stop. If it's great keep doing it and who cares about how many times you email I mean most of the time only basic info is exchanged anyway, esp at 3 lines. The other thing is he is not the only guy you have to see so see a couple at a time, then you'll never stop talking.

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  • Tell him, write him or whatever... but let him down easy.

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  • Ummm I will do this: slowly talk to him less in a way that is hard to feel that you are getting away, in dome thime the gap will be huge but as you did it slow it could be easyer for him.

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  • Tell him that you would prefer someone with a phone

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What Girls Said 3

  • Not exploring a relationship just bcoz the guy is bad with communication is not a wise thing to do. You never know, he's not calling u coz he might just be out of money. More important is how you relate to each other. Other things can somehow be worked out.

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    • I ended up dumping him. He's a doctor and he definitely has money, and I needed someone that I can reach whenever I wanted. I don't regret the decision :)

    • If you are happy, then I'm happy too :D

  • It's better to tell them, how else will they know for sure?

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    • What do you mean by "tell them"? Should I be asking them to meet with me so that I can say this? Or do this online? Because usually breaking things off via email/texts is a big no-no.

    • If you haven't seen him in a few weeks just do it online.

  • Tell him what you said:
    this is not a relationship that I want to get into (if you don't have a phone, I think you need to be more proactive by either frequently emailing, or putting more effort into emailing, or just by picking up a pay phone and calling).

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    • Tell how? You mean, write back and say this? I haven't seen him since the first date, which was a couple of weeks ago.

    • Just email it to him

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