Is it wrong to have sex when you're not in a committed relationship? Has the dating/hookup culture changed?

I've come to realization that the culture I live in over on the westcoast runs something like this for relationship development...

Meet girl/guy, go on 1-3 dates, hookup... stay this way for several months dating/hooking up... then decide to break it off or be exclusive.

Is that how it is for most people? Is that a bad way to go about relationships?

I grew up with the mentality that you didn't have sex until you were seriously committed... but I am finding that no one here really goes by that anymore. Am I right?

  • Yes, that's wrong
    30% (3)40% (4)35% (7)Vote
  • No, that's not wrong
    60% (6)40% (4)50% (10)Vote
  • Most people won't commit until sex is had so you should go for it
    10% (1)20% (2)15% (3)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I've been thinking about this too. It's not wrong exactly... but it puts you in a conundrum in some ways, if it's true that a lot of guys have issues with how many partners their girlfriend/wife has had (and yet at the same time tend to expect sex early o. O). There's no way to keep a low number of sexual partners and go about relationships via hooking up first and then commitment. Unless you luck out within the first couple people you go out with.

    Of course, you could always be in a relationship with a guy who doesn't care about how many people you've slept with, but from what I've seen, those guys are also often not the type to enter serious commitments in the first place. Not all of them, but it's a running theme.

    There's also just not telling guys how many others you've been with, or lying about it, but obviously it's not ideal to have a relationship built on dishonesty.

    So think about what you want, what you're comfortable with, and what the guys you want are looking for, and come up with how you're going to navigate through this mess. It's really important to think about what you're doing and create some boundaries and structure, or you'll find yourself lost and making decisions you regret.

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    • I entirely agree. I'm not sure what works best for me, to be honest. I think I may have to try a relationship where I date a guy I like and we end up having sex before calling each other bf/gf... I think I might have to try it to see if it works for me. It might. It might not. I don't know. I'm willing to try though.

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    • Keep in mind that if you decide to become a lemming and "hook up" like everyone else that you'll end up having trouble cultivating a relationship with a serious man who looks at things like that. Anonymous here even mentions that in her comment, 2nd paragraph.

      All in all, Anonymous did provide a good comment. I just don't think it was as good as mine ;o)

    • hmmm what makes you think a serious relationship would be hard?

What Guys Said 3

  • Funny that the chicks who answered "no" never gave an opinion as to why. Annoying.

    Yeah I noticed that a long time ago just from watching friends and whatnot. Relationships seem very superficial and sex-oriented which is why we see this kind of behavior. My story is rather different from the one you described tho.

    Virgin til 21. Only two girlfriends since then but I've had more than 15 partners... All fuck buddies or one night stands. That's not what I wanted tho. I always wanted to just get married and have kids but... I guess God felt differently about that one. It's super sad really.

    Personally, as a guy I wouldn't want a chick that's had more than 3 partners. I know some feminists will blast me by saying how hypocritical I am but you have to understand that the 15 partners I had was not by choice... I'm not a player. It was me who was getting played... Because I'm hot- that's my best guess. lol

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    • I know, I wonder why the girls didn't give straight up answers. Annoying. I really do just feel like the culture here is that people hookup an date and then in a few months if they still like each other they make it official... Or maybe they really just date and don't hookup those first few months?

    • That whole "official" business is a bunch of nonsense if you ask me. Either you're together or not... and if you're not then maybe you shouldn't be acting like it (having sex). Everything is just so casual nowadays people don't know how to act around each other, there's no boundaries.

    • I know, even I'M confused.

  • I have a thing about sharing women- I don't.

    Beyond that, relationship standards don't fit my lifestyle. I don't date women. I cultivate them- intrepid that how ever you wish.

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    • Sooo you like commitment?

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    • They're allowed to pursue others, it's encouraged, they simple cannot sleep with others and return to my bedside afterwards. Sexual relations of any kind ends our time together in a sexual capacity but ultimately, that is the goal- more or less.

    • oh gotcha. I kind of agree with you on that one.

  • Honestly I'm not having sex until I am married and with me when we go on a first date we are dating and by the second date we are exclusive. I don't share women my only goal is to marry and have children to do that I only date women with the same goals. I conduct my business in a gentlemanly manner I expect the same respect in return.

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What Girls Said 1

  • yes its wrong and most people will tell you it isn't because they did it and dont want to feel bad about it

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    • Is it wrong though? I'm not really sure if it is anymore.

    • of course ! the more meaningless sex you have the more emotional baggage you'll have and over time you'll find it very hard to love or trust anyone anymore. over time you'll also be used to being in short term relationships you might not be able to handle a committed strong one and cheating will be hard to resist

      i know people who have been there and they say almost the same thing and more, but mostly they say they can't truly love anymore, not the same way they used to anyway

    • Interesting. I've actually never heard that.

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