My deployed boyfriend is worrying me a bit. How can I help him?

My boyfriend recently deployed to Afghanistan, he's amazing, extremely crazy smart and very sweet. We've been dating for two years, I'm a senior in high school (18) and he's just a year older. We've gone through a lot and we really do have a strong militay relationship at such a young age. We get told that a good bit. My boyfriend messaged me finally over Facebook and he started talking weird. Feels like he's putting in less effort. (Then again it's late at night for him when he does talk to me so its understandable haha) but he told me he was scared I wasn't going to love him because he changed. He said he knows he has changed and is worried how I will react once I see him. I assured him I do love him, and it wouldn't be the first time he changed and I expected some of this to happen and I more than likely can adjust again. I told him I'm always gonna be there for him and that I can't wait to at least meet "his new self." But.. a part of me is scared because what if he falls out of love with me? Obviously I'd understand... but what could have happened over there? How can I support him through this more? I grew up in a military family and there's a lot that I'm use to so I'm not totally oblivious. But I'm also scared because my father recently got diagnosed with ptsd which is causing my parents to divorce next year. Any help from someone that has went through something similar? I'm not sure what I'm asking help on.. but if you have any advice of any sort, I'd appreciate it a great amount. Thank you


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What Guys Said 1

  • As a former Soldier who has deployed twice, Here's my take on it. I read a statistic once that said 73% of relationships (dating, not marriage) fail during deployments.

    While over there, he is seeing this happen left and right around him. It makes him worry. He hears constant stories about guys back home. If you have a guy friend you hang out with and it ends up on FB... his mind worries.

    Sadly, it is a fact of life. It happened to me (both deployments), it happened to everyone I know, and it is happening to him.

    All you can do is reassure him, constantly, let him know you love him, and are thinking about it. Never hold back your feelings, and just... be there for him. It will take a lot of patience from you, trust me.

    If you have any more military/afghanistan related questions, feel free to message me.

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    • Thank you so much for your outlook on it. It makes sense. Its only a four to six month deployment, I know I can make it because honestly he is the perfect guy/bestfriend for me. Being out of sync multiple times this past year and many many tears cried has been hard but has always been worth it in the long run. I've come a long way to just give up, we plan on marrying next year at some point. I just hope he keeps in his mind I am fully devoted to keeping our relationship strong. Thank you again!

    • I am telling you now, he will not keep that in mind. Every relationship he sees fail, will just make him worry that much more.

      You need to be patient, and continually show how much you love him. And that you want/need him and aren't going anywhere.

      As I said, if you have any more questions/comments/concerns/bitches/gripes/complaints, just message me. I've been there, done that, and have the experience.

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