I need some advice (guys), ladies too of you want. I don't understand, is there something wrong with me?

So I've been seeing this guy, for about a 1 /2 - 2 months. We've been talking for a little over 4 months. Okay, i met him about 2 years ago through my ex. Well we've slept together. Okay at first he came on really strong. He's very attractive, and has his own business and I'm like how can a man like this be single, maybe he's clingy. He was so sweet and caring.. and touchy. He asked me to go on vacation with him after 3 dates, granted by them we had already had sex. I'm like whoa.. umm, what? I can't go due to work and i wouldn't anyways.. but he still asked. Well we usually seen each other once a week, for like a day or the end of a night and the next day. Well we haven't seen each other in 2 weeks. We talk less than we did, but he still texts here and there and gives me a call a time or 2 a week. I've drawn back too because I don't want to bother.. but at the same time I'm thinking wtf. You came on so strong and now you seem uninterested. And during the past 4 or so months, we grabbed lunch, our first time seeing each other.. he dissappeared for 2 weeks no contact. Then reappeared and we've made it here.. I'm thinking I should just leave it alone. Should I asked what's up or just stop all communication. We never have anything to talk about anymore either.. we've never really shared deep shit either.
ADVICE PLEASE..

Updates:
When I said I don't want to bother I meant, i don't want to bother him.
He said he guesses I don't want to hangout anymore.. he was interested and he's sorry he was hot then cold. And he things I'm beautiful, smart and funny and wished e could have done something different..

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Most Helpful Girl

  • forget him, if he can't make an effort to see you, then you shouldn't either, in life you can either be a player or be played, only you can choose which one you want to be

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    • He said he guesses I don't want to hangout anymore.. he was interested and he's sorry he was hot then cold. And he things I'm beautiful, smart and funny and wished e could have done something different... all of that even sounded like bullshit when I read it! Oh and that he's heard that before in the past that he puts work first. That clearly isn't the problem it's that he's LAZY, N expects his looks and money to get him make up for his lack of effort... I told him It wasn't what I was looking for. Luke him saying g that made me want to jack his jaw, at least if you're going to lie make it believable. Lol

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    • Thanks you! that's what I say too. I'm a busy woman, but I make time for things I want. That's called priorities. And yeah, he basically was saying he hated that it's like it is, he should have done something different, all the while just letting me go. Lol I'm fine with that, it just erks me when people aren't honest, and their words don't match their actions!

    • I totally agree, if things dont add up, honesty isn't in the equation, you deserve someone who is honest with you

What Guys Said 14

  • The guy is clearly a player, easily bored since girls will jump all over him. He's always after a new girl so doesn't have the time or inclination to show much interest in you any longer. You probably just bore him.

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    • It seems I might, bc I'm not me when I'm with him. I can't talk to him, not how I ramble with others, and I'm not myself. I'm goofy, and can talk to anyone. But his vibe has me all off balance. My question is how do you suggest I end it completely.

    • I'd tell him you met someone who truly appreciates you. That should drive him crazy!

    • its 50/50 maybe he should seek for therapist because of his mental, I think he is severe depression case.

  • Honestly it's probably more your fault than you realize.

    Another guy said it on here... You probably don't hide your feelings very well and he can see it. I run into women ALL THE TIME that act weird around me for no reason, complete strangers, it's a turn off. Turn off meaning it doesn't make me want to try to talk to them, be around them, etc.

    Women like to freak out easily and it REALLY DOES show on your faces. There was one lady at work just yesterday actually:

    At work there is a break room with lots of nice couches in it and an equal sized dining area outside of it. I'm new and I was trying to nap in the room when an old (50's) lady walked into the unlit room, she stared at me with that weird female-look and I said, "hiiiiiii." She replied, "is that a man? You're not supposed to be in here, females only" Then she steps out into the dining area, acting like she just saw a ghost. I figure, shit, I may as well leave now lest she complain about me and start work-drama. I walk into the dining area and introduced myself, explained I was new, asked about what she meant by "females only." She was still giving me the freaked-out look the entire time and was being so completely weird and awkward about the situation. She told me that the women always slept in the couch room while the men always slept at the dining room tables. "it's always been that way" although there were no signs posted about the matter. Men slept at the tables? sounds like a bullshit set-up to me but how does this relate to you?

    It relates to you because women give guys these looks of utter disgust, fear, and every other negative emotion you can think of, whether you realize it or not. Sometimes I call women out on that only to have them say, "how did you know I felt that way?" Completely oblivious to the faces they were making.

    Dude probably saw you getting weirded out by meeting family, the vacay, the this, the that... finally he just starts backing off.

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    • No, I wasn't weirded out the family. Family is very important, and some people are like oh you don't meet the family til later... well for me that hard bc my family are my best friends and if you hang out with me you're going to meet them sooner than people who aren't as close to their family. He's close to his, and I understand that, not to mention they work together. It doesn't scare me. And the vacation, he ask over the phone and via text message so he couldn't have seen my facial expressions. And I didn't freak on him, i simply stated that I'd never been and I bet it's beautiful, but bc i just started my new job I don't have the time in to take off. I mean I didn't make it seem like I was a little creaked even tho I was. I'm good with handling my emotions and vibes, but the night he met my aunt, the vibes he was sending were different and distant.

  • Sounds like he was embarrassed about it all. I'm guessing when he brought up going on vacation together, you didn't exactly cover up how freaked out you were. And rightfully so, that's kinda crazy and a bad sign. But seeing how he backed off some, more than likely means he was just going too far too fast in his head than he should have been. The fact that he's keeping up contact means he is interested still. Just sort of weary where to go from where you two are.
    I'd say if the whole thing is bothering you, then talk about the elephant in the room. Because before that, there wasn't any sign if a problem. If you two can get past that, I think you'll be golden.

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    • No, we were fine after the whole vacation thing. He understands that with my new job it's too soon to take off. And I'm sure he may have noticed a little but that I was weary of him asking but I didn't freak out.. to him anyways. It's been since the last time I seen him. Things just got weird between us, we spent the night and I got up and left the next morning.. it all was just weird, it felt different.. We've spent the night before and everything was fine.. I haven't seen him since, and we haven't talked as much either.

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    • That's honestly the best thing you can do at this point. Mixed signals suck. I judge it based solely on their actions, not their words. Since he's not acting interested I'd just treat him as someone who isn't

    • How long ago did he get out of his other relationship? Is she still coming around and are there children involved on his part? Are you going into something that you may no be ready for?

  • Yeah it really just sounds like the reality of your relationship is setting in. Maybe he's just not that into you.

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    • That's what I was thinking, but if that's the case why would he still keep contacting me. Why not just leave it alone. That's what I'd do. I mean I'm not going to be heart broken, it happens.. so you're cute but not compatible. But i can't deal with the one strong, cold shoulder, hot cold bs. I don't feel we have much in common other than okay sex and were both attractive. Lol. I guess his hot cold tactics have me more concerned than I know I should be.

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    • Pure pressure is a bitch. Lol. No but seriously, I understand where your coming from, I've been that way on occasions. But i feel it's rather unfair, as I may enjoy the date or whatever, I have no intentions of pressuring it further

    • Pure pressure.. lol *PEER PRESSURE.

  • He came on strong as his way of hitting the sack quicker. Then when you didn't want to go with him on the vacation, that must've irked him, as it seems to be the turning point of his behavior. He's losing interest.

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    • It's been over a month since he asked about the vaca. This just arose about 2 weeks ago. But i thought the same, and I'm okay with that. Bc i didn't feel we had the connection I was looking for,(never really talked, just didn't feel like i think it should) so with that said, he's still contacting me, should I tell him we should leave it alone so our contact stops with reasoning. How would I tell him that with out sounding like a bitch.. lol

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    • Well think of his interest as sloping, not straight down. So you bring this up to see if he wants to try. His response will be your answer. And this is all in your hands, whether to even ask at all or not. Should take consideration of the circumstances, thoughts, etc.

      Something has to be said though, the relationship is at an impasse.

    • @chadsten
      He said he guesses I don't want to hangout anymore.. he was interested and he's sorry he was hot then cold. And he things I'm beautiful, smart and funny and wished e could have done something different... all of that even sounded like bullshit when I read it! Oh and that he's heard that before in the past that he puts work first. That clearly isn't the problem it's that he's LAZY, N expects his looks and money to get him make up for his lack of effort.

  • Its better to bring the darkness into the light. Dont lead a life of assumptions. If the truth can be found, you should definitely take the opportunity to find it. Confront him.

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    • And say what, hey you seem to be uninterested, what's the deal? If so, we should leave "this" alone... I'm not like most women, i suck with words.. I say what comes to mind and don't know how to, pretty it up.. I guess.

    • Text him how you feel exactly. It'll set the tone for the actual conversation in person.

  • I need a little more back story, did you act repulsed at the idea of going on vacation with him?

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    • No, I just told him that I probably wouldn't be able considering I'd just started me new job. That I'd always wanted to go to the mountains.

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    • And you say opposite directions, as in how?

    • Opposite directions as in, it sounds like you were ready to move forward with a relationship, whereas he was leaning to the casual side of things…hooking up from time to time, when it was convenient for him. As far as how to end it, either you can wait for him to eventually text/call you, and you tell him that what you had was fun, but not what you're looking for at the moment and bid him a fair adieu. Or you can initiate contact, and tell him that things just aren't going the way you had hoped, and that you're going to move on, and pursue other options.

  • He probably realized that he was coming on too strong when you refused to go on vacation with him. You need to pursue him now, its 50/50 in a relationship and you need to see that.

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    • Would you ask someone you didn't really know to go on a vacation with you after a couple of dates?

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    • Lol I'm 22 I think I have time.. but I do call him and I will occasionally get a call back from him at 9 or 10 before he goes to sleep.. if that. And I text him here and there. But recently declined in it bc i feel like I'm putting effort into some one who isn't interested.. and I did with my ex for 2 years they live about 15 mins from each other.

    • @Asker

      oh okay, that's understandable then.

      by the way I was just going by your age posted on GaG.

  • you make it seems that he is doing everything in that relation so... XD care

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  • Maybe he saw that he came on too strong so he decided to tone it down for fear that you might think he was being clingy.

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  • Try putting in some effort. Sounds like he carries all the weight and he's tired of it.

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    • He doesn't though. I put forth effort, I told him I want to see him. But his response is, you do? And that's it. Wth. I just don't like the back an forth hot and cold stuff. We're both adults. I don't think we're compatible, we never have anything to talk about and when I talk, he always interrupts, but I always allow him to speak and finish before I say anything.. I was taught that interrupting is rude.

  • You've got to understand he has his own business. That in and of itself takes a bunch of time.

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    • Yes it does, but I work full time and I'm taking 18 hrs of college courses... yet I still find time. That is not a valid excuse.

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    • Running your own life isn't like going to school or working for someone else. Many intangibles involved, logistics... Things come up. There is no set schedule and sometimes you have boom periods where you have to stay super busy.

    • We've discussed his work, but you can still tell the difference in having responsibilities and being shady and not putting in effort. If you want it, you make time, if not you make excuses.

  • Sounds like he took your turn down on the vacation as a sign you aren't interested in him and he started to move on.

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  • Sounds like he has became bored, its not really anything to do with you. the brightest flame burns out quickest

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What Girls Said 2

  • Sounds like he is a player, I would ask him what's up and tell him that you are either only choice or no choice at all... I would never let a guy play me like that...

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  • Thing is, it's not supposed to be this hard. He could have a huge ego and doing this to other girls. His actions are unusual. He's great and knows it- that's why the fast pace, he's just done this so many times now.

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    • Probably so. Should I just tell him thus isn't what I was looking for so I know the contact will end, instead of just ignoring him. That seems cowardly and childish.

    • You could still just let things go, but if you want you could just be upfront. Only problem is you never know what he may say to reel you back in, sometimes guys like that can't take the blow so they'll pull out all the stops so they don't have to deal with the bruised ego. If you realize this, then it shouldn't be a problem in the end.

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