How do I heal from constant rejection?

I have given up on love and believe you me, I have tried but after being rejected my whole life.. I give up. I am really beautiful (as per society), funny, friendly, smart, humble, responsible, well groomed, fashionable and easy going. Of course I have many negatives too. But I just want to make it clear that there is nothing you can easily pinpoint as my reason for being single. People never understand why I am single.. I'm that girl. They constantly say, "I don't get it, you're every guy's dream.. you're just unlucky". And I have stopped trying to improve myself or find what is wrong with me.

But I am hurting, every day. Especially since my last rejection some time back. It felt so right, he acted so in love and even he didn't want more than friendship after he himself kissed me. But I don't want to cry every day anymore, I accept that I am perhaps too hideous to like/love but I don't want to be hurt about it. I want to accept it and enjoy other things regardless of this. Any suggestions on how to stop feeling the pain and be at peace with my fate? Thank you


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Hard to believe your story. The guy that kissed you and dropped you must be fudging queer or mamas boy religious freak. Or there are some details your not telling. Lets see face and body pix. Lets hear about all the rejections blow by blow. There is much more to this story.

    You need to keep looking and dating. Believe me, if you are all you say you are and you have a pleasant personality and good disposition - there are guys that would kill to have you.

    Now, if I have read you all wrong and what you say is all true. And you truly have given up, go lesbian, I'm sure the lesbi gals would love to devour you.

    For happiness there are 4 components:

    Someone to love.
    Someone to love you.
    Something to do.
    Something to look forward to.

    So keep at it if you want to be happy. As far as healing rejection? Study Buddhism, practice meditation and mindfulness. Stay busy with positive and healthy time fillers. Get plenty of sleep, exercise and healthy eating. Good luck!

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What Guys Said 2

  • I understand your pain. You could say that I am the male mirror image of you. I was an honours graduate, army officer (reserve), radio and television presenter and a newspaper columnist, liked designer clothes and European cars and had even been prevailed upon to do some modelling. . . but do you think that I could find a girl?
    Not a chance! Then and now, most of the young women here in Australia wanted criminal-looking bad boys who had two-digit IQs and no future.
    I had one girlfriend, when I was 20. She was the first girl who spoke to me as though I was something other than dog shit on her shoe. Nine months later she eloped with someone else and it came out that the whole time she had used me as a diversion to make it less likely that her parents would realise that she was maintaining a secret relationship with a bad boy of whom they disapproved. I did not know it was possible to be in that much psychological pain. I sat up nights reciting Hamlet and Macbeth to my Colt 1911. Not even when I went to war, later on, was the pain that bad.
    About age 30 I gave up. I simply stopped trying. A person can take only so much rejection.
    Now I take an anti-depressant called Avanza that has a side effect which is to shut down the libido. It makes me almost asexual, which eases the pain.
    Please do not become the female mirror image of the bitter, lonely, pathetic old man that I have become. Please continue, but perhaps become more selective. If you write a list of all the characteristics of the men with whom you have been involved you will probably be able to identify some common threads. I suspect that you might be choosing the bad boys without realising it consciously. Women of your age are still in the bad boy phase. To meet better men, I would suggest that you engage the services of an introduction agency, one that has an office, not one of the scam websites. I found them to be very helpful, although I am still alone, which is another story.

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    • Thank you for your story, although I wish it upon no one.. its consoling to know that there are perhaps a few people as unfortunate as I am. However, I do not like bad boys and never have. I can get the bad boys, some have even tried to change but I don't want to be someone's mother. I am pursuing a PhD and don't need games either. Flirtation games are fine but not anything that causes me to be unsettled in my mind. However, the good guys never liked me enough. That is why I don't hate men. Men aren't bad, they just don't like me. And in some ways, that hurts even more. But I don't want to take medicines, even though I want to ease the pain and close the wound. How do you go about your day? I keep myself busy but its not enough, I don't even want to acknowledge what I am missing in life. Is that possible?

    • Again, I understand your situation. I am also a full-time university student (the creepy old man in a room full of 20-something girls) and my goal is a doctorate in history. I think that you will find a suitable man, if you look in the correct places. I really would encourage you to try one of the genuine introduction agencies.
      As for my days, I am busy all the time, between university work, karate training and all those mundane things that are necessary to maintain a house. As I write this I am taking a break from writing a paper on the Renaissance.
      Please do not become like me. You deserve better than that.

  • it normally dusint mater what you do for everyone it is normally what you can do for the individual sad but true. its finding the one that already likes what you can do and your willing to do more and vice versa, and as far as an ego boost go's there's plenty of ways to go about that, sum people do sports sum people hang with friends, it really just has to do with if you could go do anything to day what would it be and go do it.

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