Why did he just stop texting me?

Ok I met this guy out a couple of weeks ago and my friend (guy) and I started chatting to him. I could feel a slight attraction but he left without asking my number so I figured he wasn't interested.

The next week I bumped into him in this club and said hi and he was quite drunk and was being extremely forward. I wanted to chat to him but he just kept trying to kiss me so I was a bit put off. He asked my name and if he could get my number but I was quite weary so was avoiding him for a while. Towards the end of the night I pulled him aside and said that because he seemed sweet the first time we met I'd give him a chance and I gave him my number. He wanted to hang out after the club and I said, "Yeah, I know what you want..." and he said, "Well you'd be wrong then". He claimed that he genuinely just wanted to talk. He also told me how he felt when he first saw me and I found it quite sweet but I told him I had to go and to call me when he sobered up. I didn't think I'd hear from him to be honest but he texted me the next day and asked if I'd like to do something. I told him I was busy but that I wasn't opposed to seeing him again. I also made it clear I wasn't looking for any NSA type "fun" but it was fine if he wanted to get to know me. He said he just thought it'd be nice to hang out.

the next day he texted me again and asked if I was around where he lives. I was actually in the area with friends all day and he asked to meet for a drink later. By the time we met it was 10:30pm on a Sunday and I was tired and a bit tipsy. We went to a pub for one drink (I had water!) and then when he offered me another I said I had to go as I had work in the morning. He walked me to the station but didn't try kiss me or anything, just a brief kiss on the cheek.

The next day he again texted me saying it was nice to see me and I was pleased to hear from him again but he didn't ask me out again. He didn't reply to me when I asked how his day was and I didn't hear from him the whole of the next day either. I sent him a playful text and we had a bit of a text chat and then said goodnight and I haven't heard from him since.

It would be fine if he decided he wasn't interested after we met up, but then why would he text me the next day? I doubt I'm going to hear from him again as it's now been more than a week but I just don't get it. I've been single for a long time and was getting hopeful about having a man in my life again so it's pretty disappointing. Not sure if anyone will be able to shed any light but some insight would be great...

I'd just like to add...thanks for reading all of that if you're able! Also, I keep being told that guys need the chase and they lose interest if a girl gives in too easily. So I tried not to show too much interest thinking that was a good thing


Most Helpful Girl

  • Dr Jones is kind of right. I've found this out the hard way. Usually the only guys that chase like crazy are creepers or only in it for the chase. Sometimes even decent guys are so turned on by the chase, that once they get what they want they're not into it anymore. Game over.

    HOWEVER. There is something to a little bit of chase. I personally don't call guys in the beginning unless he's initiated quite a few conversations. I also don't initiate the dates either. Or give it up too fast. None of that stuff is "chasing" to me though. It's just a standard I set based on the type of guys I like to date. I'm not interested in guys that won't put in that little extra effort for me in the beginning because it says he's either lazy, or he doesn't like me that much.

    But back to you. I've had a guy act like that before too. We went out, had a great time, he texted me the next day, and then he disappeared. I found out the guy had a lot of issues actually. Weird commitment issues. A year later he admitted to being an idiot and couldn't explain why he had done that. So all I could say, is this guy has some issues, he's not sure of his feelings for you, etc. All qualities you don't really want to get involved with.

    Don't get discouraged though. I know the feeling where you finally think you've found a good one. I've been single for a little while as well. Being single though is 10 times better than being committed to a loser. So use his weird behavior as a signal that he's a loser, and find a better one. Good luck!

    P.S. Don't be surprised if he contacts you in a few weeks. Guys like this are notorious for jumping in and out of your life like a yo-yo.

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      You are ever so right! Right about being single vs being involved with a disaster/loser and right about how they can jump in and out of your life like a yo-yo. Before the ability to text and IM, it was more uncomfortable for guys to keep a tenuous connection with a girl. But texting and IM is so easy and impersonal and really allows people to say and do things they could never do in a phone call or in person, that the weirdest dating behaviors are created.

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      Well he got a bit offended when I told him that not having time was not a good excuse and eventually told me that I was behaving standoffish and sending out signals that screamed "leave me alone". why he couldn't have said that in the first place I don't know, since if I'd known that I could have apologised and explained my behaviour. But it just turned into and aggressive text argument and I later calmed it down but you know...why can't people just be honest?

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      Thumbs up to vmw2008 for a good answer. I might have written something like this if I wasn't so p*ssed off from reading an endless string of "hard to get" stories. (See comment above.)