Under pressure to marry young and have kids.

it doesn't so much come from my parents. but all of my cousins (all boys) had met their fiancees by the time they were my age. and by the time they were 25, were married and had at least one kid. and every time I see my grandparents they're asking me if I've met someone yet. and then my cousins joke about how their little cousin will be walking down the isle soon. it's SO annoying! does anyone else have this kind of stuff in their family?

Updates:
i'm 19 fyi.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • There is a time and place for everything,so you should decide when it's right.

    My family doesn't really push this on me,so I can't really understand what ur going though,but I can say that you have ur own life.

    Peace!

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What Guys Said 6

  • Most close families are like this. They know from experience what's most important in life, and they just want to encourage their offspring in what they know to be the best direction. Unfortunately, this can sometimes come across as "pushy" (though in a nice way), and leave the recipient feeling as though their not meeting their quota, so to speak. Since you know they mean well, find ways to laugh it off, and don't let any anxiety set in. Everything needs to happen in your time, and it will.

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  • The family members that I'm close to have been pretty cool with me about my dating situation. I'll be 26 in January and am still dating/looking, and that's fine by me. I really believe in marriage being once and forever, so I want to be as sure as I can about the woman I'm spending my life with before walking down the aisle. I'm much more interested in being with the right person than where it fits on an age timeline, and my family has been good enough to respect that viewpoint. I hope that your family will eventually take the pressure off you as well.

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  • Ever since I was 18. I'm the eldest of the next generation of family members, and so everyone expects the biggest expectations out of me. But I've learned to ignore them and do what's not only best for me, but what I want to do with my life.

    Never make decisions for the sake of others.

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  • It's common - ESPECIALLY from grandparents because it was very different when they were young. Don't let that influence you!

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  • Dear lord yes, it comes from my mother. She keeps pushing for me to meet somebody, but she has the 'I want grandkids' agenda. There's nothing wrong with it, because I want kids, but I also want to abide my time to find the right one, but I'm not looking at this point, so, she's quited down about it abit.

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  • Sounds like old world thinking from when family labor worked the farms. I'd just do what you want to do with your own life and make jokes at your family when they ask you that stuff.

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    • Yeah, it does kind of seem like that. and it's funny because my grandparents really wanted great grandchildren, but I swear I've never seen them touch one of those kids lol.

What Girls Said 4

  • There are six girls on my mom's side of the family, only two of us are single with no kids. My cousins always make comments about me being next, and one always tells me how great it is to be a mother and asks me all these questions about why I'm single. Sometimes, they really get on my nerves. I'll be 20 this week--I'm still young. I'm neither interested in nor ready for marriage or children.

    And if my family wasn't bad enough, I hear it from my friends too. A lot of the girls I graduated from high school with are either married or engaged, and some have kids. Now, I'm the odd one for choosing school over starting a family.

    I don't see why there's such a rush to get married and have kids. It's not like there's a deadline, it happens when it happens.

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  • Lols! Yes, my family on my father's side is very much like that, so you aren't alone. I have a pretty large family on my dad's side, and many of my cousins also have met their spouses at a fairly young age. One of my cousins met her husband when she was 14 and they got married at 20. Every time they see me, my aunts, uncles, and cousins always ask if I have a boyfriend yet, and when I tell them no, they always seem a bit disappointed. Even my own mother is always trying to push me to go out and date to find someone. I don't see why I should rush out to find someone, though. I really don't want to get married right away to someone and have children, so when it comes to love, I'm going to do what I want to do. I love my family, there is no doubt about that, but I'm not about to let them push me into something that I'm not ready for or take control of my (almost non-existent) love life.

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  • I think most families have this. It is your choice if or when you choose to get married and have kids. I do not wish to do so, no amount of pressure could change my decision. Just do whatever you want regardless of what your family or society in general want you to do. It's your life...live for yourself, not for others (though admittedly this isn't always easy).

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  • Nobody really says that kind of stuff to me, but I hate when people pressure each other to have a family. I don't see how it is anyone else's business.

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