Can you rate a poem I wrote for a very special lady? Do you think she will like it?

Esperanza

your smile lights up my world
But your laugh got me

I'm falling now but don't know
if i'll land on my feet

Your long smooth legs enticing
But your voice, got me

I'm still falling but i don't care where i land
as long as i got you


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Not bad at all, man. I was trying to determine the rhythm, but that can really only be done by hearing you read it.

    I think she'll like it if you present it to her. I love poetry :)

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    • Yeah i need some editing just wrote it on a napkin at lunch cause i was thinking about her

    • Having written many poems myself, I will say this: there's not too much editing that can be done to a poem.

      Sure, change some words here or there to improve the flow or the overall impression, but in the end it's just a personal statement of feelings and that's almost impossible to edit.

      Just do you, say it from the heart and there is no fault.

    • Thanks for MH!

What Girls Said 5

What Guys Said 2

  • there are a few grammar mistakes - but I'm not going to correct it like a grammar nazi.
    It shouldn't have to be unless you are native English speaker anyway.

    I think it's a great poem and I think that if she's the intellectual type that likes reading and poetry she'll be very very happy with it.

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  • How well she likes it depends on how well she likes you. If she has no feelings for you, then the poem won't change anything. If she already likes you, then she will like the poem.

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