I think he is secretly gay, should I confront him or leave it alone?

I met this guy online a few months ago and have been dating on/off since. On the site, he listed himself as straight and liking women. Lately though I've been suspecting he is secretly gay. He comes from a Southern conservative republican family and wouldn't be accepted if he were to come out.

On our first date I remember him saying he had been to a gay club before by "accident" and also had been in a charity benefit that made him dress up as a woman. At first, I thought he told this story for laughs but every date since he brings up the subject of him wearing that dress when the event took place almost over a year ago. The final sign that did it for me was after three dates we had barely kissed and when I tried he never initiated it. This I found weird since we had a great time together and he always bought me dinner. I figured he might want to kiss me or something...

Anyways, I have no proof besides intuition and from what I've picked up on that he maybe secretly gay. I feel that I want to ask him if he is gay or not but also I know that is a private matter. However, I'm hoping he doesn't do this to another girl. Should I confront him or not?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Yeah, if he's straight he'll get the message and turn up the heat a notch. Or if he really is gay he could either continue pretending and go through with the dirty deed regardless of how disgusting it is to him, or he may just say, yep you caught me and offer for you to help him keep up the charade for his family. And in that case tell him he's shit out of luck and that it would honestly be better to just tell the fucking truth.

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What Guys Said 5

  • I guess anything is possible , there is no guarantee someone on a dating site is telling the truth or not. but he is out there trying to date girls so I'd have my doubts he's fully gay and doesn't like girls. I mean there is enough sites dedicated for guys trying to meet guys he could just go on one of them instead?

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  • 100% yes, ask him if he is queer... in a nice way.

    3 dates? He should have been all over you. If you had dated me you would have been complaining to G@G that I was a human octopus. In any case, if queer, keep him as your guy pal. Lots of ladies would like some male companionship with no sex. If you like him as a love, he obviously treats you with respect. Show him the ropes, maybe he is a virgin?

    If he is a queer and you try to get some loving out of you he may be in love with your bottom more than your front. I asked a homosexual guy if he could ever do it with a gal. He could do it, but only if he did it from the rear and look at her face. He fixated on her butthole. He said her vagina was real turnoff. Good luck!

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  • Maybe he needs you as a cover up to show his parents... JK just tell him you find his behavior odd and what about that. Tell him that he can trust you if he needs to talk about something and you won't judge.

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  • If he's not and just shy you may offend him. He could be bringing up the dress bit because he knows it gets a laugh and girls love laughter. If he's gay it'll (he'll) come out.

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  • I think you can, if you are well mannered / good intentioned about it. If he is uncomfortable about it he'll let you know most likely, and nothing will be lost. So I say go for it.

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What Girls Said 3

  • I was in a long term relationship with a Gay guy one time. Make no bones about it, he Was to the hilt, everyone knew it, he wanted everyone to know it and I knew it, of course. However, we were like this "Couple," making plans to move in together, share a life, fool around a bit without all the intercourse, just 'lite and semi sweet,' that is. I actually at one point thought it might work, however, he was way too needy, clingy, dependent on me and a real turn off after awhile where I couldn't focus on Me. He was selfish like that. I also caught him fooling around on me and That, I can tell you, wasn't a bit pleasant... I stirred up a bit of Drama Queen dramatics myself with the "Other guy."
    He ended up moving back with his family in the same area in which I have returned to as well. We lost touch finally and the way I look at it, it wasn't meant to be, wasn't in the cards.
    With your case, you suspect it, no need to broach the subject unless he really wants to talk about with you. He may not really want to come fully out of the closet and maybe not at all and for now, he just wants you as his good friend in need, a friend indeed.
    Whether or not he pulls it on another, is up to him. Just stay cool, be friends if you want. But I can tell you first hand it isn't altogether the same as playing on your own team.
    Good luck. xx

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    • If you know or even suspect, keep it low, they are arrogant and will get insulted and do very easily and will just walk away.. If it is too mind boggling, find another more fitting fella..:)) xx

  • well.. usually if they're not ready to come out, they will lie and stop seeing you because you're questioning their sexuality. but in this case, it does seem strange that he keeps telling you about him dressing as a woman that one time.. so maybe he does want to share his secret with you?

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  • He could be BI sexual or gay

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