I think I'm finally ready to date again. Where do I start? Are my fears unusual?

I'm divorced and married my high school sweetheart. I'm ready to date but NOT for anything serious. Just meeting guys and seeing who is out there and making connections.

I'm worried about falling for someone too easily though. Like settling out of fear of being alone. I keep away from relationships because of this. I think I'll just force myself into being alone forever if I keep going.

I don't know how to talk to guys, either. A guy I become familiar with holds the door for me and I can't even say thank you. I feel like a jerk. I'm just shy, I'm just afraid to. I stumble so easily.

Any advice?

Updates:
Also, I totally went past my first sentence. I have zero dating experience because of this, and also, been divorced a couple years now.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Instead of forcing yourself to date again, why don't you just become friends with guys instead. before getting into relationships. I think friendship is the best of getting to know someone, before dating them. I think its unwise to go straight dating someone you hardly know, the history, if they not they are players etc,

    Stop worrying about be alone, in the future. There is plenty of people out there that live alone, and are actually very happy people. Stop worrying about the silly things like being alone, and finding partners. Instead why don't you focus on more important things, like developing a career, that you really joy. Get out and do some hobbies, save up go travelling.

    At the end of the day, happiness comes from within, not from the outside, or people. If your not happy single, you won't be happy in a relationship. why don't you just focus on enjoying being single, and see whats out there for you, there are some opportunties out there. I really do think you are missing the bigger picture, when it comes to living your life

    If you keep on thinking about relationships, you are really just wasting your life. I really don't understand why you young people think meeting mr/miss right is everything. That to me is absolutely stupid, and too much of a gamble, when you could be out there doing other things. Stop gambling your life away.

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    • Thank you, the thing is im not worried about being alone and don't worry about relationships but feel im missing out due to my fears. Like one day I will snap out of this

    • If you really want to date guys, then just go and do it. There is no easy way of dating. The only to get confidence in doing something is just doing it. Yes its going to be scary and your going to feel like your making an idiot of yourself. But thats part of the process. you make mistakes and move one to the next person. Treating dating as a bit of fun and nothing serious. Dating is all about getting know someone before getting into a relationship. There is always be people that will be willing to give you a chance, some bad and some good.

    • yes they are unrealistic fears. you are creating them in your head. You won't be missing out on anything in terms of relationships. I just think there is so much more out there, and you are forgetting about the bigger picture, in terms of what you can actually do in your life. Fear is your best friend, or your worst enemy. At the moment, fear is your worst enemy. Stopping you from doing other things in your life.

What Guys Said 4

  • I am/was in a similar situation. I was with my ex wife 25 yrs. I did not want the divorce. The divorce was final this past January. In march, after finding out she was cheating on me at the end and couldn't even wait until the divorce was final, I decided to start dating in March. I dated from the end of March to around June. I decided I was not ready and just doing it to try and get back at my ex. I dated 8 women, sex with 3. but I will wait until I am really ready. but I only had gone out with 5 women before my ex wife and never had an actual girlfriend. So I know zero about dating.
    if you are ready, and you have not really dated either. I suggest getting on POF. com (plenty of fish) and also Tinder. Unfortunately a lot of very ignorant people say Tinder is a 'pick up site for sex' which is not the case. 7 of the 8 came from either POF or Tinder. 1 came from Match. com which is the most horrible site and complete waste of money.
    online is certainly a very different experience for women then men though. My sister met her current husband on POF. however she said that 75% of the email she received was just guys looking for sex, trying to cheat, way too young, or other issues... so you have to be patient and weed through the junk. Guys don't get those so it is much easier for us. But it is the best bet in trying to find a match. If they are telling the truth you at least know you have a certain amount in common.
    I work at home. I put everything into my family so I only have 1 best friend. So I have noplace to find anyone. I would never go out with anyone my family sets up for me. I have never seen that work.
    I am not just going to walk up to someone on the street. I am not that kind of guy and it would seem creepy to me.
    I know it is dangerous and scary for women out there so you have to be extra careful. I have had several women not want to give me their home address until the 3rd or 4th date. which is fine to me. better safe then sorry.
    good luck.

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  • Get an online dating profile, you will receive messages daily. Date as many as you find attractive, but only go on one date with each of them. You can even tell them that that is all you want to do. You can also send them messages explaining exactly your situation, and that you just want a non-committed, no pressure, no expectation date. No sex, just one pleasant date. After you have gone on enough to make you comfortable and confident, call back the ones you liked. I would still date a few at once so that you don't get sucked into something you aren't sure about.

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  • If you're looking to get fucked by strangers, then get some online dating profiles and accept every invitation until one of them fucks you. Also, hanging around bars and parties is a good idea. Make sure to signal your willingness with immodest attire.

    If you're looking to remarry and stay married this time, then let your friends and family know that's what you want. Don't date outside your extended social circle. Don't have sex until you're remarried. Don't date anyone you're not attracted to. Never hide your intentions, and be honest with your dates right up front.

    If you want to "Just meeting guys and seeing who is out there and making connections" then I have no advice for you, as that sounds like contrived bullshit. To me it sounds like you want one of those other two things, but you want plausible deniability while you seek whichever one it is.

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  • I don't know if it is unusual, but you sound a lot like me. So I understand exactly what you are going through.

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