How do I lower my standards in dating?

I like good looking guys, I have always liked attractive men. Of course my attraction varies depending on their personality but in general, I always like good looking men and I have a type. However, since I have a PhD in remaining single, I think maybe if I lower my standards and give others a chance... I may actually have a chance at not dying alone.

On a more serious note, how do I lower my standards so that I don't feel like I'm giving someone a chance but genuinly am as excited as I would be with the kind of guys I usually like?

Updates:
P. S I am a beautiful girl and have usually only dated good looking guys but I want to have a lasting relationship and I don't want to fall for the rare good looking, funny etc guy who perhaps knows he can get any girl. I want a simple guy who looks nice but he doesn't have to be wow. I would to increase my pool of men. Can you build attraction with a person?
P. S I'm not too picky, but I tend to be with guys who are wanted by half the world. It gets boring

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Most Helpful Guy

  • From the little you have told us about yourself it is hard to give sound advice. However I will try to help based on what you've told us and estimate the rest.

    I don't think you should 'lower' your standards as such, but 'change' them. You seem to limit your choices of men to ones who are physically attractive to you while excluding men who are more debonair. Be aware; looks are fleeting. As we men get older the looks of our youth will fade - if we don't strive to remain fit.

    Good health Is a quality you might want to include in your SO's profile. If his genetic makeup suggests he will live to a ripe old age you can expect him to be with you most of your life. (Most women outlive their spouses, and it gets lonely in your autumn years.)

    I strongly recommend you associate with people who are not necessarily the handsomest but those who make you feel good and loved. Who do you want to wake up with next to you EVERY morning for the next 40 - 50 - or even 60 years?

    In our youth we are wild and free, and we should be. It's a great time to enjoy expanding our view of life and formulating our future. Eventually however "Time and tide waits for no man, it moves on relentlessly"

    Try to look deeper and see people for WHO they are.
    Is he an educated man? How well does he relate to others? Who are his friends? Does he volunteer his time to help others?

    Begin assessing the qualities that make us real people. Looks can be deceiving so beware of the short term benefits. Who will truly meet your long term commitments!

    Bless you girl, I wish you nothing but happiness in your life.

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What Guys Said 17

  • Don't lower your standards but assess the situation correctly, don't over generalize and find your own niche. For me for example for a while now I have been dating beautiful exotic women, mostly of darker skin color either with an Asian, African or Latin background. I just fit "warmer" cultures personality better. I don't know why I get called handsome a lot but In Germany most blondes don't give a me a second look. I am not butthurt by this but I guess that's just my destiny. Mind you I am also not a stereotypical good looking guy like portrayed in the media. I am way under 6 feet and I don't have a "normal" lifestyle so for lots of European types that's a turn off. Maybe find a niche for a guy that you consider desirable but not your typical "type". You said you like find funny, attractive guys like "everyone" else. I guess that sums it up. I don't know what region are you from but maybe you also look for something that is too generic and behaves in a generic way? How do you think you stand out from the rest of women to make yourself more attractive to those guys that you like, like everyone else? I generalized here as well so I am sorry for being hypocritical. You don't give us much to go one.

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  • Hi you, so I have a few things for you here. First, you have to think to yourself are you giving yourself too much credit. Because if you can't seem to keep a guy you want because he tends to move around too much. Then A) your going for a man who doesn't feel enough for you to fully commit and B) maybe your going for men above your league. Because there are surely good looking hot men that want one women and thats it. Not every good looking man wants to be alone either just like you.

    So the answer here is not to lower your standards, but to correctly asses why they tend to leave you. Its probably that your finding good looking men that DONT want to commit to you. So you have to find a man that you want, that wants to commit and sees the same value in you that you see in him.

    I have a saying that you might like "Looks attract but personality keeps". based on that there shouldn't be a problem. And lastly, simply dont have any sexual activity with these men until its been a while and you have really developed a foundation. If that is the case, you both have invested enough time and the love is there, so why would anyone want to leave.

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  • Hmm. Do you fall harder for guys you sleep with?

    That might be a way, as @Bubble_Tea alludes to (ie: drinking only helps you coyote-ugly), to get interested in them. Get underneath them, and catch some feels.

    Not 100% recommended - but it might be your only option, if you can't get turned on my humor or personality, etc.

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    • I actually don't sleep around. I need some form of security before I can go all the way with a guy, call it a shortcoming but its just not something I'm comfortable with. I do get attracted to humour and personality. I absolutely do :P! But what I mean is, I find it harder to give guys who I am not attracted to, a chance. They may also be good looking and amazing. But its like attraction is so important for me and I wonder if I perhaps overrate attraction. Some people say you can build it or it can change. It usually doesn't for me and I want to be able to be open and happy about meeting someone I perhaps don't initially notice.

    • I suspect, that if you sleep with someone reasonable-looking, who's got other assets (ie: is a worthwhile prospect) that you could develop attraction. You should, perhaps, experiment to find out if this is true.

      Make sure you've got a bailout reason, so if this isn't true you can exit without crushing them :)

  • there are some average looking men i know who attract women like crazy because they have swagger. dont look for good looks only, learn to sniff out the swagger.

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    • Yeh still a problem, thats what I mean... I attract men all the ladies like. These guys know it, so have no reason to commit.

  • Lowering your standards is not a good thing. You should always date someone who you feel proud to be with.
    If you are going to feel as though you can do better while you are with someone and its a horrible feeling. I recently had a 1 year relationship with a girl that was less attractive than me. It didn't end well i always felt as though i could do better and she knew it. It broke her heart.

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  • What do you have to offer a guy who's looking for more than just sex? What are your interests and what do you like to do for fun? Talk me through the kind of life you're looking for and I will tell you exactly how you lower your standards with a remarkably clever trick involving your olfactory senses and visual stimuli. :)

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  • I think your "standards" are focused on the wrong qualities. If you set them on other, and in my opinion, more meaningful qualities, you won't and shouldn't have to accept less. Even if you do get a very attractive guy, time has a way of taking that away.

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    • Oh, and this comes from a guy who is called handsome of a fairly regular basis. All humility aside.

    • This is a good piece of advice. I think attraction comes first for me, not looks per se. But yes, since I end up with guys who most girls deem handsome as well.. I must be going for the objectively attractive men. I find a respectful, educated and funny guy to be the most attractive man but then so do many others. Somehow, I don't end up in a longterm situation with them so I want to be more open. This may be a step forward. Also being good looking can be annoying too, I think certain guys just don't approach me because I seem like I won't be interested. Perhaps I should work on my approachability as a romantic interest and not just a friendly person. Thank you :)

  • I think you need to improve your standards. Instead of focusing no the good looks try to find someone you can be yourself with. You know the real you, instead of the many faces we have for societys sake. Have standardsin that area (for example someone outgoing or someone funny or someone serious). You will surely settle for even an average looking guy when he have the correct qualities which match you.

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    • I actually focus on personality a lot. But other girls see the same qualities. I appreciate an intelligent man, funny, imperfect (because its more interesting) and respectful to those around him. I have good taste in men, perhaps I'm not good enough for them though

    • True but not all positive traits are appealing to everyone. So there is no competition. From what you have written above, you seems like a very intelligent lady. Just make sure you don't unintentionally put down your date or guy friends. Intelligence is not always a paper qualification.

      Do you get out a lot? As in are you a busy person? Community work helped me a lot when I went through a similar situation.

      Anyway just be yourself, let people in (be friendly), and do what you enjoy. You will definitely meet someone that's perfect for you then.

      If they don't find you appealing they don't deserve you. What you look for is very reasonable and there are plenty of guys with those traits. So don't you worry.

  • First you have make time for guy. If a guy taking you out, he being serious with you but you have make the good impression. If two guy after you? how would you pick between the two? You can lower you standard not judging someone before you know them. Every person have flaw that including you. you have phd so without it where do you stand?

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  • You can look for other attractive qualities in men. Atm it seems youd call a guy a 10 based largely on look and social status. Look for other qualities, re-assess what's important to you and look for that, eg generosity

    Hope it helps :D

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  • I think it is still to early to lower your Standard , you are 25-29 woman , your prime is just about to begin..
    just sayin..

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    • I'm 26! and everyone around me has someone. I have never had particular success, sometimes it just didn't work out. Either way, I don't want to be 30 and single (which is very likely for me). I am and always have been the single friend everywhere

  • By going after less attractive men.

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  • Accept that a perfect person doesn't exist and the probability that an attractive person would turn worse by time is higher than that of a not that much attractive but still good person.

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    • I accept that a perfect person doesn't exist. I'm not vain but human, we all like beautiful things. What I find sexy is of course my taste but usually girls like those guys. But how can I like the not very attractive one? How do you go about that

    • Simple, every person is attractive to me. I get attracted to 10/10 girls like any other guy but I don't choose someone for only their looks and because I look deeper into who they are and not what they seem to be.

  • I hi early don't know. I like attractive girls and all the girls here say I need to lower my standards or that I'm not hot enough. Just try, I guess?

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  • I don't know to be honest, I got the same problem :/

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    • Haha at least we're honest :)

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    • No way! Don't even think about it at 16

    • Haha I won't :D

  • do us men a favor and stay single, you sound like a stuck up cunt. i would prefer a woman never dated me than "settled for me.

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    • You sound very respectful, I'm sure women are lined up for you. I'm hardly stuck up if I'm asking for some mature advice, which you have problems giving. Its ok. I would never want to settle for someone, lowering you standards doesn't mean you have to settle for someone. Like Jersey1 said, its about focussing on other more profound traits. Perhaps you wouldn't understand that since you sound ignorant. Either way, I wanted to give you a dignified response so you can learn to give people one too. Thank you for your feedback either way

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    • I'm glad I can't guys like you, perhaps I'm doing something right after all. Hope you develop some sophistication yourself ;). Just a tip.. I would never stoop to your level

    • get*

  • Sound kind of picky. If you're not into them you will leave eventually you need to find someone that is acceptable not a guy that makes you go wow but a guy you don't like at all that's a bad idea

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    • Yeh I am a little picky, but I have liked attractive guys. Not necessarily good looking. You know, the charismatic but shy and silent ones. I like good guys but an attractive guy. I wish I didn't care about looks at all but maybe thats too unrealistic too. Its strange but I move from not interested at all to interested. I don't have an inbetween and I wish I did..

    • Usually I go for a hot girl get to know her and she's just a party girl that trashes herself and it's a massive put off. Guys will be like oh she's hot and I'm like if you knew her you wouldn't say that. I get what you're saying. everyone cares about looks trying to look past it doesn't really work. But If you can find a guy that seems well kind of ok maybe not a 1st round top 5 pick but a 2nd round pick. Have you every considered a guy that might be average height or like just under average often good looking nice guys that get passed up due to not being the ideal height but have most other things going for them I know a couple of great guys a little on the shorter side but apart from that. They still get girls but not just as many as they would if they were tall. That might be an option for you.

What Girls Said 3

  • I know exactly how you feel. I am a part time teen model that only ends up being attracted to only good looking guys, but I struggle with this because I what a long lasting relationship with someone that doesn't attract every girl that is in a 20 foot radius of him.
    How you should go about this is going to be a process. You first need to picture your ideal guy (write it in the form of a list if needed). For example my ideal guy is a handsome white guy with dark brown hair and almond color eyes. He has to be at the least 5 inches taller than me. His personality is funny, outgoing, and is the life of the party but doesn't suck the life from me and acknowledges my existence.
    You first start taking the little things away. I take away the fact he has to have brown hair and brown eyes and white. Know he can be any color mix. I also take away the fact he has to be gorgeous. Know he can be average but a take note that you have to picture you with him and that it wouldn't be a beauty contest and you should be evenly matched. Now I take away how tall he has to be (for this part I leave the hight he can't be below which is 1-3 inches shorter that me).
    I think you should be getting the picture. First start taking the small things away, but don't do everything at once. Take away things like looks first, then go on dates and if it doesn't work out then start to take away personality traits.
    I have given everything I can and good luck.

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  • i completly understand where you are coming from. i have the exact same problem. i quite attractive and the type of guys i get are so hot in my openion. yet there so good looking they can get any girl they want and in turn they cheat on me or don't treat me as good cause they know if i don't like it they can just move on. so frustrating. i did try the average guy that I'm not crazy attracted to yet i just end up not happy cause the sexual attraction is just not there. so i stayed in to the guys i am attracted to. so what you do girl …. is you treat the guy like there meh. don't text them let them text you act like you don't need them. like if there in your life or not no biggie. thats what those guys want. a girl who dosnt drool over them like every other girl. stand out. don't sleep with them too soon. bla bla what we were always told. but it works.

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  • drinking.. lots of drinking..

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